1. Conflict and Negotiation
In Interpersonal Relationships

2. Conflict Defined
A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals.
Conflict is neither good nor bad
It is a natural, even desired part of communication in relationships

3. Consequences of Conflict
Negative Consequences
Less fulfilling relationships
Decreased Productivity
Inhibited Cognitive Functioning
Positive Benefits
Identify and Better Understand Issues
Clarify Issues
Creation of Quality Solutions

4. Types of Interpersonal Conflict
Pseudoconflict
Fact Conflict
Value Conflict
Policy Conflict
Ego Conflict
Meta Conflict

5. Concern For Self Concern For Others Conflict Resolution Tactics
(Thomas and Kilman, 1972)
High
Competing
Collaborating
Concern For Self
Compromising
Accommodating
Withdrawing
(or avoiding)
Concern For Others
Low
High

6. Communication Personas
Appropriateness
Steamroller I Win, Others Lose Aggressive Style
Diplomat I Win, Others Win Assertive Style
High
Roadkill I Lose, Others Lose Abrasive Style
Doormat I Lose, Others win Accommodative Style
Effectiveness
Low
Low
High

7. Blake and Mouton’s Conflict Strategies
Appropriateness
Forcing Competing/ Dominating
Confronting Collaborating/ Problem Solving
High
Compromise
Effectiveness
Low
Withdrawing Avoiding
Smoothing Accommodating
Low
High

8. Culture plays a part in how we manage conflict
The public self-image we claim for ourselves in social situations in western cultures tends to correspond to our own self-image.
Attacks hurt our self-image and are to be challenged.
We are more likely to be forward in our attacks of others because we are less concerned about the needs of others as we are ourselves.
People in collectivist, high context cultures tend to take an other-face or mutual-face orientation.

9. Factors Influencing How Conflict is Handled
Focus of Conflict
Content Related vs. Personal
Size of Conflict (Importance for each member)
Rigidity of the Issue (unable to bend)
Power Differences (inequality or authority to end conflict)
Individual Personalities, Traits, and Dispositions

10. Destructive Conflict Patterns
Serial arguing: arguing about the same issue over again
Counterblaming: moves focus away from self by blaming the other person
Cross-complaining: trading unrelated criticisms, leaving the initial issue unresolved
Demand-withdrawal: one partner demands while the other withdraws
Mutual hostility: both partners trade increasingly negative and/or hostile remarks

11. Break Patterns of Destructive Conflict (page 373)
Avoid negative start-ups.
Create Ground Rules for how you argue.
Manage anger.
Take a break if needed
Develop skills for expressing anger in a way to not put your partner on the defensive.
De-escalate the conflict:
Identify the triggers.
Calm your partner and yourself.
Take a break from the conversation.
Inject humor (but not at your partner).

12. Creating a Collaborative Conflict Conversation Involves
Mentally rehearsing your statements.
Owning your ideas and feelings
Describing the conflict in terms of behavior, consequences, and feelings.
Avoiding blame or ascribing motives.
Take turns talking amiably (keep it short).
Making sure the other person understands your position.
Phrasing your preferred solution in a way that focuses on common ground.

13. Guidelines that help invite collaboration
Put your shields up. Listen impartially.
Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern.
Ask questions and paraphrase your understanding of the problem.
Seek common ground.
Ask the initiator to suggest alternative solutions.

14. Roger Fisher and William Ury’s Negotiation Tactics
Separate the People from the Problem
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Insist on using Objective Criteria for Problem-solving and Solutions
Assess your BATNA
Understand and call them on “Dirty Tactics” used

15. Mediation
A neutral and impartial guide, structuring an interaction that enables the conflicting parties to find a mutually acceptable solution to their problems

16. Mediating Conflict
Make sure that the people having the conflict agree to work with you.
Establish ground rules.
Probe until you identify the real conflict.
Remain neutral.
Keep the discussion focused on the issues rather than on personalities.
Work to ensure equal talk time.
Establish an action plan and follow-up procedure.

17. Recovering from Conflict
Forgiveness: communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done because of a transgression
Seven Steps to Forgiveness
Confession
Venting
Understanding
Apology
Forgive
Set conditions
Monitor

18. The Dark Side of Digital Communication
Compulsive or excessive Internet use
Disable your smartphone’s ability to push messages to you.
Leave your social media devices behind when you plan to study.
Ask your friends to help you.
Seek professional help if necessary.

19. Inappropriate Self-Disclosure Online
SIDE Model: Characteristics of social media (such as anonymity) influence online behavior.
Sexting: sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between smartphones via text messaging
Anonymous web-cam conferencing

20. Flaming
Flame wars erupt when friendly and productive digital discussions give way to insults and aggression.
Recommendations:
Respond privately.
Ignore the flame.
Ask an authority to intervene.

21. Cyberstalking
Cyberstalking: repeatedly using social media to stalk or harass others
Cyberbullying: abusive attacks carried out through social media
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