1. The parent trap Don’t Let Your Teen Rule the Roost Keith Lynch, LCSW
Cristina Vindigni, School Psychologist
11/14/16

2. Adolescent Development Middle School and Early High School Years

3. Adolescent Development Late High School Years and Beyond

4. Parenting: Preparing For Adolescence
Starting early is the best way for parents to prepare for their child's adolescence.

5. Parenting
Adolescents need many skills in order to successfully achieve their goal of increased independence.  Some adolescents do not make this transition smoothly.  Their movement toward independence can cause stress and grief for parents.  Some aspects of this rough transition are normal and, while stressful, should not alarm parents.

6. Parenting
The ability to talk openly about problems is one of the most important aspects of the parent and child relationship. 
Developing this relationship and open communication takes time, persistence, and understanding. 
The relationship develops gradually by spending time with the child including meal times, story telling, reading, playing games, outings, vacations, and celebrations.
Parents should also try to spend some individual time with each child, particularly when talking about difficult or upsetting things.  This relationship creates the foundation for talking with the child when struggles and conflicts emerge during adolescence.

7. Ways to Communicate with Your Teen
Make yourself available for talks and try to have them each day. At the same time, be respectful of your child’s need for silence.
Offer praise when deserved and remember to express your love, even if your teen acts like it doesn’t matter. It does.
Show that you’re paying attention: use good eye contact and ask for clarification if needed.
Be positive and encouraging, and choose words and concepts that teens understand.
Rather than jump to conclusions, give your child a chance to explain thoughts and actions.
Ban communication-stoppers such as guilt, commands, ultimatums, preaching, judging, and words like “never” or “always.”
Remember to stay calm and in control of your feelings of anger or frustration.
Be brief. Most teens tune out nagging, and retain shorter messages longer.
Practice win-win communication. A healthy compromise with both parties feeling like winners helps teens learn negotiation skills.
When the consequence of a conflict won’t harm your child, give him or her the opportunity to disagree without being accused of “talking back.” Your child will gain self-respect.
Don’t feel you have to know everything. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but let’s find out together.”

8. Discipline and Consequences
All children need rules and expectations to help them learn appropriate behavior and to be safe.
Parents should begin by talking to each other and being on the same page about how they want to handle discipline and establish the rules.
It is important to view discipline as teaching not punishment.
Once rules have been established, parents should explain to the child that broken rules carry consequences. For example, Here are the rules. When you follow the rules, this will happen and if you break a rule, this is what will happen.
Parents and the child should decide together what the rewards and consequences will be.
Parents should always acknowledge and offer positive reinforcement and support when their child follows the rules.
Parents must also follow through with an appropriate consequence when the child breaks a rule.
Consistency and predictability are the cornerstones of discipline and praise is the most powerful reinforcer of learning.

9. Discipline and Consequences
Children learn from experience.
Having logical consequences for misbehavior helps them learn that they are accountable for their actions, without damaging their self-esteem. (For example, if children are fighting over the television, computer or a video game, turn it off. If a child spills milk at the dinner table while fooling around, have the child clean it up.)
Some behaviors have natural consequences. (For example, a teenager who stays up too late may suffer the natural consequences of being tired the next day.)
Another type of consequence that can be effective is the suspension or delay of a privilege. (For example, if a child breaks the rule about his or her phone, take away the phone for a few days. When a child does not do chores, he or she cannot do something special like spend the night with a friend or rent a movie.)

10. Tips for Effective Discipline
Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child's age and stage of development.
Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.
Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don't resort to name-calling, yelling, or disrespect.
Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.
Model positive behavior. "Do as I say, not as I do" seldom works.
Allow for negotiation and flexibility, which can help build your child's social skills.
Let your child experience the consequences of his behavior.
Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the rule broken, and be short enough in duration that you can move on again to emphasize the positives.
Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and the child's age.

11. When To Seek Help For Your Child
Marked decline in school performance
Inability to cope with problems and daily activities
Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
Extreme difficulties in concentrating that get in the way at school or at home
Sexual acting out
Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death
Severe mood swings
Strong worries or anxieties that get in the way of daily life, such as at school or socializing
Repeated use of alcohol and/or drugs
Intense fear of becoming obese with no relationship to actual body weight, excessive dieting, throwing up or using laxatives to loose weight
Persistent nightmares
Threats of self-harm or harm to others
Self-injury or self destructive behavior
Frequent outbursts of anger, aggression
Repeated threats to run away
Aggressive or non-aggressive consistent violation of rights of others; opposition to authority, truancy, thefts, or vandalism
Strange thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or unusual behaviors
If problems persist over an extended period of time or if others involved in the child's life are concerned, consider speaking with your seeking a consultation with a child and adolescent psychiatrist or a trained mental health professional.