1. Mindful Parenting
Starts In Your Brain!

2. Lisa and Kaytee introduce themselves
Lisa and Kaytee introduce themselves. Parents do introductions, name and children’s ages

3. What is mindfulness?

4. The Seven attitudes of mindfulness
Kaytee’s section
From Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn

5. Non-Judging
Taking the stance of an impartial witness to your own experience
Becoming aware of the constant stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences that we are normally caught up in, observe it, and step back from it.
Try observing how much you are preoccupied with liking and disliking or labeling “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong” in a ten- minute period as you go about your day.
Kaytee: The first attitude of mindfulness is non-judging. This involves stepping back and being impartial to our own experiences, having an awareness of the constant stream of judgements and reactions we give to our experiences, and being a conscious observer of how often we preoccupy ourselves with what we label as “good”, “bad”, “right”, and “wrong.”

6. Patience Accepting that sometimes things must unfold in their own time
Intentionally reminding ourselves to be patient with ourselves when we are tense or agitated or frightened.
We give ourselves the room to have these agitate, tense or frightened experiences. Why? Because we’re having them anyway!
Each moment is our life in that moment.
Kaytee: Patience is when we accept that things don’t always happen on our preferred timeline, remembering to be patient with ourselves when we are tense, agitated, or frightened, and giving ourselves the space to have these experiences. Recognize that each moment in our life is that moment.

7. Beginner’s Mind Being receptive to new experiences
Looking at the current moment as thought we have never experienced it before, because we haven’t!
Not getting stuck in the rut of our own expertise
No moment is the same as any prior moment, each one is unique and contains unique possibilities
Kaytee: Be open to new experiences. Approach the current moment as if you’ve never experienced anything like it before. Don’t get stuck in the rut of your own ways of knowing or expertise. Recognize that this moment, and no other moment, is the same as any you’ve ever had. Every experience is unique and contains new possibilities.

8. Trust Developing a basic trust for yourself and your feelings
It is better to trust in our intuition and our own authority, even if we make some mistakes, than to always look outside ourselves for guidance
If something doesn’t feel right, honor that feeling
Instead of trying to be like others, become more fully ourselves
Another aspect of trust is authenticity
Kaytee: Develop trust for yourself and your own feelings. It’s better to trust our own gut and intuition, even if we make mistakes (as we all do!). If something doesn’t feel right, honor that feeling. Part of trusting yourself is learning to be your authentic self, rather than trying to be like others.

9. Non-Striving The only goal is for us to be more fully ourselves
The irony is that we already our ourselves
Try less and be more
If we think “I’m going to get relaxed, my children will mind me, my house will be cleaner than anyone else’s” we have introduced an idea in our minds of where we should be, and that we are not OK right now.
Striving undermines mindfulness, which focuses on simply paying attention to what is happening
Kaytee: The only goal is to be more fully ourselves, which we can work towards by trying less and being more. If we think, “I’m going to get relaxed, my children will mind me, and my house will be cleaner than anyone else’s,” we have introduced an idea in our minds of where we should be, and that we are not okay right now. Focusing on simply paying attention to what is happening now is what mindfulness is about.

10. Acceptance
Seeing things as they actually are in the present : If you have a headache, accept that you have a headache.
In the course of our daily lives, we waste a lot of time denying and resisting what is already fact, trying to force situations to be what we would like them to be, which only makes more tension and actually prevents positive change from occurring
Now is the only time we have for anything. We have to accept ourselves as we are before we can really change
Acceptance is not passive; it does not mean we have to like everything and abandon our principles and values or be resigned to tolerate the way things are.
Acceptance is a willingness to see things as they are. We are much more likely to know what to do and haven an inner conviction to act when we have a clear picture of what is actually happening.
Kaytee: Acceptance is seeing things for what they are. It’s like if you have a headache, accepting that you have one. Throughout the day, we often spend a lot of time denying and resisting things that are happening, and trying to force situations into what we would like them to be rather than what they are. This often creates more tension in our lives and can prevent positive changes from happening. Now is the only time we have guaranteed to accept ourselves as we are before we can really change. This doesn’t mean we should or have to like everything, forget our principles and values, and tolerate things as-is. Acceptance is recognizing that we are much more likely to know what to do when we have a clear picture of what is actually happening.

11. Letting Go
When we start to pay attention to our inner experience, we rapidly discover that ther are certain thoughts and feelings and situations that the mind seems to want to hold on to, and others we try to get rid of or prevent/protect ourselves from having.
Mindfulness purposely avoids elevating some experiences more than others, instead, it lets experience be what it is.
Just watch, don’t hold on or push away
If we find it particularly difficult to let go of something because it has such a strong hold on our mind, we can our direct our attention to what “holding” feels like. Holding is the opposite of letting go. Being willing to look at the ways we hold on shows a lot about its opposite.
We already know how to let go, we do it every night when we go to sleep.
Kaytee: When we become aware of our inner experience, we quickly find there are thoughts and feelings that our minds seem to want to hold onto, and others we try to protect ourselves from. Mindfulness lets us experience these things as they are instead of trying to hold on to or push them away. If you find yourself trying to hold on tightly to something, try to direct your attention to what “holding on” feels like. By looking at the ways we hold on we can learn things about how we let go. We already know how to let go--we do it every night when we fall asleep.

12. How do We Apply mindfulness to parenting?
Kaytee: Example from Mindful Parenting: A Guide for Mental Health Practitioners, pg 139. For example, a mother uses the example of her 8 year old daughter coming out of bed for the umpteenth time. She would recite to herself: Nonjudging – okay, I’m not going to judge my daughter or myself. Patience – let me have the patience to deal with this situation. Beginner’s mind – let me look at my children as if she was coming out of bed for the first time. Trust – she will eventually sleep. Non-striving – I can’t make her sleep, and neither can she. Acceptance – I accept that she is a difficult sleeper right now, and so was I at her age. Letting go – she will deal with it, not much I can do.

13. What is Mindful Parenting?
Paying attention to what is happening in the present moment with your child with kindness and without judgment.  
Lisa: When we are stressed out, children may draw our attention mostly by doing something annoying or by not doing something we need them to do. This kind of parental attention is very different from the kind of attention we pay when we are tuning in to what our child is saying or doing, with the intention to understand and to be with him or her in the moment, not distracted, not multitasking, not paying attention reluctantly or in anger. This “mindful” form of parental attention feels very different to children than those other kinds of attention, the  annoyed kind or the distracted kind. Being the object of mindful attention makes children feels “seen” and cared about much more than the other kinds of attention.
This is why there is a strong connection between a parent’s mindfulness and the quality of the parent-child interactions. Mindful attention promotes intersubjectivity and interpersonal “resonance” - mutual feelings of being in connection. Improving your ability to pay attention in this deeper way, then, can be extremely helpful to your relationship with your child (Atkinson et al., 2005).

14. Why does mindful parenting start in the brain?
Lisa

15. Exercise: Stressful Situation
Imagine you are coming home after a busy day of classes and work. You’re worried about a paper you turned in, you didn’t have enough time to proofread it before you turned it in. In addition, your hours are being cut at work and you are not sure how you’re going to pay rent next month. You didn’t have time to stop for lunch today, and you’re starving. You hope your teenager started dinner like they were supposed to.
Your teenager is home with your 10 year old. As you approach the front door, you can hear your teenager yelling, and your 10 year old crying. As you open the front door, your dog, who is an escape artist and loves to chase cars, bolts out the door. As you walk into the kitchen where you hear your children’s voices, you see red splotches of some kind of liquid all over the floor, cupboards, appliances and your children.
Lisa

16. Imagine yourselves in this situation.
What physical sensations would you feel?
What are the first thoughts you would have?
What emotions are you feeling?
What actions do you want to take?
Lisa: Have everyone report out and compare these to the fight, flight or freeze responses.

17. Negativity Bias
The brain is hard-wired to overemphasize negative information when making split second decisions
This negativity bias probably evolved to help early humans survive dangerous situations
The negativity bias becomes even more cemented when scary or negative situations are left unresolved for a few hours or more
This bias doesn’t serve our current modern society very well
Lisa

18. Fight, Flight or Freeze
Lisa

19. The Power of the Amygdala
The amygdala is the warning center of the brain.
It triggers the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response.
The amygdala triggers the stress response such as increased respiration, sweaty palms, increased heartbeat, etc.
The “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response triggered by the amygdala occurs in 30 milliseconds and can hijack the “thinking” response from the higher parts of the brain, which takes about 250 milliseconds to response
This automatic response can interfere with a parent’s ability to have a thoughtful response to behavior.
Lisa

20. Controlling Our Brains
Lisa (Window of Tolerance)

21. Upstairs, Downstairs
Lisa

22. Child’s Brain Development
Lisa

23. Mindful Parenting Formula
Kaytee

24. First, breathe.
Lisa

25. P.A.C.E.
Playfulness: Playfulness is an attitude between parents and children that is often seen through facial expressions, eye contact, voice tone and rhythm, gestures, postures, and touch. These interactions are known to produce opioids and dopamine, chemicals that suppress pain and promote happiness. In this way, playfulness can be seen as a “stress buster”. Playfulness is characterized by an air of lightness, a sense of hope and confidence, unconditional acceptance, positivity, shame reduction, sense of trust and safety, reciprocity, and increased attachment.
Acceptance: Infants are often unconditionally accepting of who they are. Their behavior isn’t seen as good or bad, right or wrong. Acceptance is helping your child to feel safe and accepted for who they are as they age and learn to navigate a range of emotions. One way to practice acceptance with your child is to be a curious observer in times of anger.
Curiosity: Curiosity begins with parents and their children as they get to know one another to create and strengthen the parent- child bond. An infant's discovery and curiosity of their parent is important to their experience of themselves. Within parents brains, they are perceiving their children's’ facial expressions, voices, and movements that help them make sense of their children’s emotions, thoughts, wishes, perceptions, interests, and intentions. Curiosity helps parents get to know their children from the inside out.
Empathy: When children are in distress, they feel unsafe and often experience anger or defensiveness. Children turn to their parents for safety and comfort as empathy conveys the parent is aware of their distress and will help ease their pain. Empathy happens in the right brain, and helps parents with the intuitiveness of their children’s experiences by receiving and transmitting input from the heart, lungs, and gut. Combined with left-brain cognitions that process our thoughts, parents are attuned to their children’s needs.
Kaytee- PACE is a method of mindful parenting, and stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy. Playfulness is an attitude between parents and children. It’s is often characterized by an air of lightness, a sense of hope and confidence, unconditional acceptance, positivity and increased attachment. Acceptance is helping your child to feel safe and accepted for who they are. You can practice acceptance by being a curious observed in times of anger. Curiosity help parents and children to know each other from the inside out. Discovery and curiosity of adults is important to children’s experience of themselves. Lastly, empathy helps parents with the intuitiveness of their children’s experiences. It tells children their parent is aware of their distress and allows them to help ease their children’s pain.

26. P.A.C.E. Roleplays Roleplay 1: How it’s usually done
Roleplay 2: Using P.A.C.E. parenting techniques
Kaytee and Lisa, maybe Riley?

27. Homework
Lisa
Beginner’s Mind

28. Beginner’s Mind
Choose a situation with one of your children this week. We suggest choosing a situation which you find confusing, frustrating or doesn’t make sense to you, when you ask yourself “why is my child behaving that way? “
Use the Beginner’s Mind technique to observe your child. Don’t make any assumptions about their behavior. Observe them as if you are a complete stranger to them, and notice how your view of them changes. You can also ask them questions in a curious, nonjudgmental way to discover more about them.
Lisa