1. Use of Self Why I know it affects people’s ability to practice

2. To use it, you must understand it As a person, the practitioner is continually interacting with their intra personal environment, as a professional they are continually interacting with the professional environment. Because the human develops the intra personal first, it is that personally organised set of behaviours that forms the basis of the self brought to the profession. As a person, the practitioner is continually interacting with their intra personal environment, as a professional they are continually interacting with the professional environment. Because the human develops the intra personal first, it is that personally organised set of behaviours that forms the basis of the self brought to the profession.

3. The personal self is highly influential on the emerging professional self. Understanding self and working to view self more positively inevitably leads to a more productive professional self concept. Negative self concepts are barriers to the effective independent functioning vital to the successful performance of professional roles.

4. My Journey I come from a family that never stayed in one place. I did not understand why. I come from a family that never stayed in one place. I did not understand why. At the age of 9, my mother was “forced” into hospital. At the age of 9, my mother was “forced” into hospital. My mother suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia and her condition was always “active” My mother suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia and her condition was always “active” Being followed – family in danger Being followed – family in danger My father and brother to this day deny her paranoid traits My father and brother to this day deny her paranoid traits

5. The effects of Mums Paranoia We never mixed, we were always chaperoned. We never mixed, we were always chaperoned. Extended family support was not there Extended family support was not there “Things” were never talked about – secrets culture “Things” were never talked about – secrets culture Emotions were taboo Emotions were taboo Life was very concrete – routine patterns which never changed. Life was very concrete – routine patterns which never changed. And all this was “normal” to me until………..

6. She became a Patient Then people stared to suggest that life could be different – friends, families could become part of the picture. BUT life did not become different The family had to find new ways to cope – did not happen Dad’s response denial My younger brother confusion and fear My confusion that it could be different and starting to notice that – but no one helping me to know how to do that

7. Choices for Me Aged 9 Took over the role of housekeeper and mother to my brother. Tried to look after Dad by making sure his life went on as normal. Carried on with School and everything else. Family still kept it secret Never talked about at home

8. So as you can imagine I believed some really unhelpful things – Weekend leave – lets make sure everything is ready for your mum when she comes home, so that she gets better quicker Translated to ‘its your fault if she gets ill’. Translated to ‘its your fault if she gets ill’. Learnt Be Strong, Try Hard and Be Perfect. Learnt Be Strong, Try Hard and Be Perfect.

9. Overall Confused Confused Scared Scared Emotionally distressed Emotionally distressed Lacking in confidence Lacking in confidence Few relationship skills Few relationship skills Huge trust issues Huge trust issues Always expecting the worst Always expecting the worst Had a plausible front which kept people away Had a plausible front which kept people away Thought I was stupid Thought I was stupid

10. So I became a Mental Health Nurse

11. Why? I wanted to understand Mums illness I wanted to understand Mums illness I wanted to understand what all those I wanted to understand what all those people who had come to see Mum over the people who had come to see Mum over the years were supposed to be doing. years were supposed to be doing. I wanted to understand why they hadn't I wanted to understand why they hadn't helped the family helped the family I wanted to make a difference to other families I wanted to make a difference to other families with my experience. with my experience.

12. The problem was I was a Wounded Healer Even with my experiences motivation wanting things to be different I still couldn't be the patients advocate

13. It was easy to blame the organisation for my short falls and talk about the theory practice gap. But the bottom line is: My emotional repression meant that my emotional intelligence was lacking and this was evident as I couldn't;

14. Express my anger when a Doctor made a stupid decision Express my anger when a Doctor made a stupid decision Say No to Colleagues Say No to Colleagues Believe in myself enough to recognise I was a great nurse Believe in myself enough to recognise I was a great nurse I was fearful, lacking in confidence, timid, emotionally blunt – none of which makes for an emotionally intelligent, proactive accountable practitioner I was fearful, lacking in confidence, timid, emotionally blunt – none of which makes for an emotionally intelligent, proactive accountable practitioner

15. So what changed I finished my training, won the student of the year award. Practiced in a Female Acute setting for a year Went to do my General Training ( cause everyone said you should) Fell in love with a fabulous, caring, patient and kind man, with exceptional insight.

16. Decided I wanted to work therapeutically and started my counselling training. Decided I wanted to work therapeutically and started my counselling training. All good counselling courses demand that you “delve” in and look at your intra personal issues and how they effect the therapeutic dynamic. All good counselling courses demand that you “delve” in and look at your intra personal issues and how they effect the therapeutic dynamic. I spent 10 years in training and over that time, most of what I learnt was about me. I spent 10 years in training and over that time, most of what I learnt was about me.

17. Far from Perfect – however I no longer believe that everything is my fault. Less likely to take things personally I no longer believe that everything is my fault. Less likely to take things personally Catastrophise less Catastrophise less Express my anger and sadness and can engage in discussions with senior staff with regards to their decision making Express my anger and sadness and can engage in discussions with senior staff with regards to their decision making Assertive Assertive Reclaimed my intelligence, both cognitive and emotional Reclaimed my intelligence, both cognitive and emotional In other words more likely to be rational, proactive and empowering in my relationships In other words more likely to be rational, proactive and empowering in my relationships

18. I have met the enemy It was me.

19. I do accept that my experience is different however I believe that we all carry unhelpful messages around that will affect our ability to “care” effectively. I do accept that my experience is different however I believe that we all carry unhelpful messages around that will affect our ability to “care” effectively. This was reinforced by the findings of my PhD Studies……

20. PhD Findings

21. The narrative data provided by the students strongly indicated that intra personal functioning affected clinical choices and therefore professional practice. As this study was undertaken utilising Gestalt principles, the primary focus of intra personal functioning is emotional. Therefore it can be said that there is a relationship between emotional development and professional practice.

22. PhD Findings The students did indicate that they could attribute changes to the group, and they were as a whole more aware of what their personal processes and blocks were. Since some students did develop emotionally and they attributed this to the group, it may be assumed that the group was an appropriate tool.

23. PhD Findings The students were clear about the group being a useful forum for sharing, off loading and support. They also thought that themes which had been useful included an introduction to reflective practice, personal awareness activities, anger and fear management, and relaxation as well as an introduction to theories and techniques such as the Gestalt approach and empty chair work, learning experientially about group process and dynamics and projective art and relaxation. Students indicated that this activity needs to extend to the life of the branch programme, if not the life of the course.