1. Parenting Styles and Outcomes Thought: We know that the way children are parented when they are young influences the type of people they become. How? Why? A Kentucky father of a teenage boy says his hardest job is getting his son to realize that “no” is a complete answer.

2. Competencies / Objectives The student will be able to: Identify parenting styles, including positive guidance techniques that help children develop positive self- concepts, self-management, and responsibility. Identify parenting types and styles. List ways to foster a child’s self-concept. Identify positive guidance techniques. Write an abstract and a personal analysis of a child guidance articles. Apply positive guidance techniques to child-rearing problems and/or case studies.

3. Match 1.Responsive to children's’ needs. 2.Indifferent to children, ignore them 3.Reject their children 4.Critical, derogatory, dissatisfied with their children. 5.Warm, understanding and accepting. A.Hostile and antisocial B.Poor self-control, difficulty with social interactions when teenagers. C.Compliant with parent’s wishes D.Happy and friendly E.Dissatisfied with themselves.

4. Matching Key 1.Responsive to children's’ needs. 2.Indifferent to children, ignore them 3.Reject their children 4.Critical, derogatory, dissatisfied with their children. 5.Warm, understanding and accepting. A.Hostile and antisocial B.Poor self-control, difficulty with social interactions when teenagers. C.Compliant with parent’s wishes D.Happy and friendly E.Dissatisfied with themselves.

5. Types of Parenting Styles and Outcomes Most parent can be classified into three main types by the style in which they guide their children. As we discuss each, think about where your own parents fits most appropriately. Do each of your parents use the same style? Do you fit the outcome?

6. Authoritarian: Limits without Freedom. Definition: Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute control. Misconduct is punished Affection and praise are rarely give Parents try to control children's’ behavior and attitudes They value unquestioned obedience Children are told what to do, how to do it, and where to do it, and when to do it.

7. Outcomes of Authoritarian Style Obedient Distrustful Discontent Withdrawn Unhappy Hostile Not High Achievers Often Rebel Children from authoritarian homes are so strictly controlled, either by punishment or guilt, that they are often prevented from making a conscious choice about particular behavior because they are overly concerned about what their parents will do.

8. Permissive: Freedom without limits. Definition: Parents allow their children to do their own thing. Little respect for order and routine. Parents make few demands on children. Impatience is hidden. Discipline is lax Parents are resources rather than standard makers Rarely punish Non controlling, non-demanding Usually warm Children walk all over the parents

9. Outcome of Permissive Parenting Aggressive Least self— reliant Least self- controlled Least exploratory Most unhappy Children from permissive homes receive so little guidance that they often become uncertain and anxious about whether they are doing the right thing.

10. Democratic: Freedom within limits. Definition: Middle ground between the two above Stress freedom along with rights of others and responsibilities of all Parents set limits and enforce rules Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and questions. Both loves and limits Children contribute to discussion of issues and make some of their own decisions Exert firm control when necessary, but explain reasoning behind it. Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique personalities. Loving, consistent, demanding Combine control with encouragement Reasonable expectations and realistic standards.

11. Outcomes of Democratic Style Happy Mostly self-reliant Mostly self- controlled Content, friendly, generous Cooperative High-achiever’ Less likely to be seriously disruptive or delinquent Children whose parents expect them to perform well, to fulfill commitments, and to participate actively in family duties, as well as family fun, learn how to formulate goals. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success.

12. In groups of three or four have student develop a case study or story that fits each parenting style. Have group pass their stories to other group and have them read them to see if they can identify the parenting style.

13. Activity: Fingerprints, Activity: Fingerprints, page 168, More Activities That Teach, Tom Jackson, IBSN #0-9664633-3-1

14. Ways to foster a child's self- esteem. Provide more successes than failures for the child. Give them freedom to fail with acceptance. Give lots of encouragement. Give uncondition al love. Allow independence. Eliminate the negative. Do not set standards unreasonably high. Avoid ridicule.

15. Ways to foster a child's self- esteem. Be available. Give your children responsibility Be a good role model. Take their ideas, emotions and feelings seriously. Help your child develop talents Set Limits Allow exploration and encourage questions.

16. Speaking Positively activity: Don’t -- Please Do

17. Show and Discuss the Positive Guidance Techniques PowerPoint Presentation from the Child Discipline and Guidance Lesson Plan on UEN.

18. Summary: One of the most important things to remember as a parent is to be yourself. You can only use those methods with which you feel comfortable. A child can spot a fake a mile away. Children know if you mean what you say or if it is just another threat. Select the methods that you believe in, that you feel comfortable with, and then be consistent.

19. Fostering Self Esteem Ways to help your child build self- esteem.

20. Provide more successes than failures for the child. Plan successes. If they have more failures than successes, back up to where success is achieved, and then move ahead gradually. Help the child perceive him/herself as successful. Provide practice to improve skills.

21. Give the freedom to fail with acceptance. As long as there are more successes than failures, children learn to not let a few failures get them down. A child who is over-protected and not allowed to fail will learn to try only if success is guaranteed.

22. Give lots of encouragement. Recognize the effort and improvement, not just the final accomplishment. “I know you can do it” “You handled that really well” “You will make it next time” Show appreciation. “Thanks, you were a big help”

23. Give unconditional love. Let child know that even if you do not approve of their behavior, you still love them. Accept children as they are, not as they could be. Respect your child. Show them how much you care about them.

24. Allow independence. Let them do things for themselves. Let them work through a problem. Give them choices as early as possible.

25. Eliminate the negative. Tell children what they can do, not what they cannot do. Catch them doing something good more often than what they are doing wrong.

26. Do not set standards unreasonably high. They don’t have to be 100% all the time. Know their abilities and work within those abilities. Children are not miniature adults. Do not over-estimate their maturity.

27. Avoid ridicule. Be careful of nicknames. Do not make fun of them, especially in front of others.

28. Allow exploration and encourage questions. Let them explore their environment. Give them a chance to see cause and effect, such as what happens when a rock is dropped in water...

29. Set limits. Set limits, it gives them security.

30. Help your child develop their talents. Every child needs to feel that they are good at something. Give them encouragement and opportunities to try new things. Encourage their talents, not the ones you wish they had.

31. Take their ideas, emotions and feelings seriously. Do not belittle them by saying things like, “That is nothing to cry over”, or “You’ll get over it”.

32. Be a good role model. Improve your own self-image. Let your children see that you value yourself. Let your children see you make mistakes, learn from them, and try again.

33. Give your children responsibility. Give them chores that are appropriate for their age. Give them family jobs so that they feel valued and important to the family.

34. Be available. Give them support when they need it. Spend time together. Work, talk and share activities together.

35. Discipline & Guidance The keys to well-behaved children.

36. Tough Love vs. Spanking Most of America’s population thinks it is improper to spank children. I recently heard from a friend who has tried other methods to control their kids when they have one of “those moments”. One that she found very effective was to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving after their little outing together. Here is the photo of one of those sessions with my friend’s son in case you would like to try this technique.

37. Tough Love Session

38. Spanking….Right or Wrong???

39. What do you think???

40. Punishment A penalty for a crime. Severe treatment. Forces child to obey. Child learns to obey out of fear. Use as a last resort

41. Discipline To bring to order through teaching & training. Fair & CONSISTENT. Child learns to obey and be responsible for their actions. Self-control is the goal. Use as often as needed, variety of methods.

42. Guidance To give advice, counsel or help. Child learns what is expected of them. Learn by example. A parent’s daily job!!

43. Authoritarian Parenting Parent is in control. Child is forced to obey. Parents are strict, no room for freedom. Child may feel scared of parent or want to rebel.

44. Permissive Parenting Child is in control Parent may threaten but never follows through. No consistency. Child may feel that parents don’t care about them.

45. Democratic Parenting Balance of both types. Parent sets rules, child expected to obey. Child allowed more freedom as responsibility increases. Child may not like the rules but they are fair & consistent.

46. Discipline Techniques Each child is different and different things will work for each child.

47. Positive Statements Telling a child what they CAN do, rather than what they CAN’T do. Instructions are more clear. Children feel good. Works for: all ages!

48. Redirect Attention If a child is doing something you do not want them to do….give them something else to do. Distract them with another option Works for: young children 6 months to 10 years

49. Reverse Attention Ignore inappropriate behavior and deal with problem when child is no longer seeking attention. Only works if child is trying to get attention. Works for: older children ages 7-18.

50. Time Out Gives children an opportunity to re-gain control of their emotions. One minute for each year. Quiet spot, tell them why they are there, re-state the rule, have them apologize at end. Works for: young children ages 2 – 9.

51. Loss of Privilege Remove a privilege if behavior is inappropriate. Lots of different privileges can be removed. Be consistent! Follow through. Threats are no good…stick to it. Works for: older children ages 5 – 18.

52. Natural & Logical Consequences Natural: Things that naturally happen without parental interference. Logical: 4 rules to follow –Related to misbehavior –Not done in anger –Short duration –Unpleasant Works for:older children ages 7 - 18

53. The GOAL of positive guidance….. Help a child gain Inner Control Teach Protect Respect Encourage Support Model

54. P.O. # 9 Apply Positive Guidance Going to computer lab A in the library Go to canyons.utips.org complete the apply positive guidance questions You will have time to work on your Parenting roles paper if needed.