1. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being Shift Happens: Learning to Bounce Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, or Disaster Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health May 21, 2016, 2016

3. Shift Happens Shit happens Shift happens, too Shift can happen in this moment Shift can happen in any moment That’s the shift

4. Resilience Hardiness Grit, will to survive Determination, perseverance, endurance, follow-through Coping Face and deal with challenges and crises Navigate life’s twists and turns, unexpected and disruptive Bounce back from adversity, from truly awful Flexibility Responsiveness; able to shift gears: perspectives, views, behaviors You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

6. How People Learn to Become Resilient http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/the- secret-formula-for-resilience Do you conceptualize an event as traumatizing or as an opportunity to learn and grow? - George Bonano, Columbia Univ. Teachers Collee Loss, Trauma and Emotion lab Trauma is a fact of life. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence. - Peter Levine, somatic experiencing

7. Fixed Mindset v. Growth Mindset Fixed mindset: Success should come easily if you’re smart or talented People tend to give up in face of setback or failure Growth mindset: Success comes from perseverance and effort Failure can be an opportunity to learn and grow

8. Evolutionary legacy Genetic templates Family of origin conditioning Norms-expectations of culture-society Who we are and how we cope…. …is not our fault. - Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind Compassion-Focused Therapy

9. Given neuroplasticity And choices of self-directed neuroplasticity Who we are and how we cope… …is our responsibility - Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind Compassion-Focused Therapy

10. The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD Center for Investigating Healthy Minds Univ. of Wisconsin-Madison

12. Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning The brain automatically encodes responses to experience in neural circuitry New Conditioning New experiences create new neural circuitry; new patterns of response Re-Conditioning The juxtaposition of new, positive experiences with old, negative experiences “rewires” the old De-Conditioning The default network “plays” and generates new insights

13. Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize into neural pathways Without intervention, is what the brain does Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negative

15. New Conditioning Choose new experiences Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance Create new experiences, new learning, new memory Create new sense of self Encode new wiring; install new patterns of response, new habits, new ways of being

16. Crack the NUTs (Negative Unwanted Thoughts) Shift from Self-Critical Voice to Self-Compassionate Voice Notice any critical self-talk; notice the words; notice the tone of voice Use critical voice as cue to shift to compassionate self-talk in soft, gentle voice: “May I be kind to myself in this moment; may I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am.”

17. Re-conditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks Juxtapose old negative with new positive Neurons fall apart, rewire; new rewires old Basis of all trauma therapy

18. Dissolve Negativity or Trauma Resource with memory of someone’s compassion toward you Evoke memory of someone being critical of you Hold awareness of criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awareness Drop the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate moment. Evoke self-compassion; evoke inner critic

19. Modes of Processing Focused Attention Tasks and details; personal self Deliberate, guided change New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Attention Default network; social self Mental play space – random change De-conditioning

20. Modes of Processing Focused Attention Tasks and details; personal self Deliberate, guided change New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Attention Default network; social self Mental play space – random change De-conditioning

21. De-Conditioning Default network – brain “plays,” makes new links, new associations, connects dots in news ways Reverie, daydreams Imagination Guided visualizations, meditations Can drop into worry, rumination Can drop into plane of open possibilities New insights, new behaviors

22. Compassionate Friend Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness Imagine safe place Imagine warm, compassionate figure – Compassionate Friend Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from compassionate friend Receive object of remembrance from friend Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom

23. Intelligences Somatic – body wisdom to regulate stress and upset Emotional – perceive, regulate, manage emotions; attune and empathize to self and others Relational – connect with others, socially, intimately Reflective - monitor and modify perceptions, reactions; discern options and choose wisely

27. Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman

29. Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect

30. Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate Barbara Fredrickson, Positivity

32. Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

33. Noticing Patterns of Reactions Imagine walking down the street Notice someone you know walking toward you Wave “hello!” There’s no response. Notice your response to the lack of response The person notices you and waves “hello!” Notice your response to the response Notice any differences in your responses

34. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being Shift Happens: Learning to Bounce Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, or Disaster Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health May 21, 2016, 2016