CHAPTER TWO – LOVE DEFINED: GIVING VS. USING THEOLOGY OF THE BODY CHAPTER TWO – LOVE DEFINED: GIVING VS. USING

Chapter Objectives To contrast real love (“self-donating”) with lust (“self-seeking”) To explain the difference between abstinence and chastity To recognize and explain why love is the only proper attitude (or response) toward another person To measure the quality of a relationship based on “giving” vs. “using”

Key Concepts In order for a person to love another properly, he or she must first desire what is good for the other person Lust is sexual desire apart from God’s love. It is a selfish desire to please oneself, and it treats people as objects to achieve that pleasure.

Chastity is the virtue that orients ALL our sexual desires, emotions, and attractions toward the true good of the other person and, thus, the real meaning of love. Chastity frees us to love.

Chastity vs. Abstinence Chastity is not merely controlling one’s desires. It is really about learning how to love another the right way. Abstinence: Not having sex

What is Love? Love is not merely a feeling; it is an act of will that consists of preferring, in a constant manner, the good of others to the good of oneself.

What is Chastity? Chastity falls under the cardinal virtue of temperance – the virtue of controlling and moderating our desire for pleasure, enabling us to enjoy pleasure in good things the way God intends Chastity is the virtue that directs our sexual desires and attitudes toward the truth of love.

Total Self-Donation Love is more than just feeling good. Love is an active decision to give oneself to another and to do so totally. St. John Paul uses the term, “total self-donation” to describe this type of giving.

Personalistic Norm The principle that recognizes that the only proper and adequate attitude toward human persons is love. The opposite of love is to use a person as a means to an end.

Love as attraction: Recognizing the good of another person; seeing the inner and outer beauty of another person. Love as desire: Wanting a good for yourself; desiring goodness and happiness

Love as goodwill: Willing (or desiring) the good of another person

Utilitarianism The opposite of love is not hate - it is the using of persons. Utilitarianism is the philosophy of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain, often at the expense of others. In relationships, one ends up “using” a person for one’s own gain.