Social Skills & Asset Building for Kids

Overview O Perceptions O Personal capabilities & strengths O Mindset- fixed vs. growth O Positive identity O Skills O Interpersonal O Survival O Conflict resolution O Relaxation

Perception vs. Skills O Personal perceptions- are conclusions we reach about ourselves and our lives as a result of our experiences. O Skills- are the capacity we develop and or learn to do as a result of practice & experience.

Perception of Personal Capabilities (Glenn/Nelsen) O Feeling capable- my life has meaning and purpose O Cross age tutoring, cooking, input in family meetings, special jobs at school O Quickly celebrate movements in the right direction and you will get more results O Point out what we admire in our children and others (helps sharpen self-evaluation skills).

Table Talk O Have you given your children the opportunity to do an important job. How did that go? ** Experience, especially one that’s reflected on, is a far more effective teacher than parents could ever be. O What are some ways that we as parents can foster a sense of personal capability? What age can we start this?

Perception of Personal Strengths (Gardner) O Every child has a gifts/talents (some hidden). O Howard Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences All children are gifted...

Perception: Fixed vs. Growth Mindset (Dweck) O Children need to believe they have influence over their lives. O “Growth mindset” is the belief that our most basic abilities, intelligence and talents can be developed through dedication and hard work. O This view helps to create more of a resiliency to new or challenging tasks. Children with this type of mindset are more likely to take on challenges and to stretch their abilities.

Perception: Positive Identity (Search Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets) O Personal power- the child can make choices and influence things that happen in their life O Self-esteem- likes self, sense of being valued by others O Sense of purpose- anticipates new opportunities, experiences and milestones O Positive view of future- finds world interesting & feels he/she has a positive place in it.

Building Empathy O Openness to understand another person’s point of view. O Careful listening leads to understanding O Understanding leads to empathy O Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.

Empathy

Table Talk O As adults, is it easier to empathize with someone when something good happens in their life or something bad? O How do we help our children empathize with or be happy for someone else when their natural instinct is to feel jealous or competitive?

Development of Strong Intrapersonal Skills O Self assessment O Self control O Self Discipline

Self Assessment O Acknowledge own feelings O Understand feelings are legitimate O Use “I statements”

Self Control O The ability to select from among a number of possible behaviors an appropriate response to a feeling O A recognition that feelings do not cause actions, our mind choses how to respond to feelings (I feel, I do, I experience)

Anger Management O Anger is not inherently good or bad. It is what people do with it that matters. O Anger triggers & physical reaction O Anger elevator, time outs, self-talk, not blaming others, problem solving

Self Discipline O Set aside a behavior that brings immediate gratification to achieve a goal O Decision-making & responsible behavior O Demonstrate emotions in an acceptable way O Self discipline can only be taught by parents who don’t pamper children.

Table Talk O Is your child able to recognize and express his/her feelings? O Any strategies that you have used to help with self control and self discipline.

Survival Skills O Basic social Skills O Acknowledge another person O Listen/respond O Introduce self O Classroom/Behavioral Skills O Comply with directions O Attention to task O Seek assistance O Accept and learn from consequences

21 Skill Deficit or Performance Deficit?

22 Types of Social Skills Deficiencies ^ O Skill deficit: Student cannot identify correct response for a social situation; actions are not in the student's behavior repertoire. O Performance deficit: Correct social response can be identified by the student when questioned, but is displayed only during the role play situations. O How do we respond to each? O Skill deficits usually respond to direct instruction. O Performance deficits usually require a guarantee that the new behavior will capture at least the same amount of benefits as the current behavioral response (& practice, practice, practice to make it default choice).

How do we teach social skills? O Modeling O Direct instruction O Behavioral rehearsal O Social stories on power point O Video taping (with prompting)

Interpersonal Skills O Empathy/Tolerance/Compassion O Sharing O Join an Activity/Initiate play O Begin a Conversation O Give/Accept Compliments

Conflict Resolution Skills O Dealing with being left out O Negative peer pressure O Losing/failing O Making mistakes

Relaxation & Managing Children’s Anxiety O Breathing O Visualizations O Progressive muscle relaxation O Affirmations

References O Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self- Indulgent World (Glenn/Nelsen) Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self- Indulgent World O Mindset (Dweck) Mindset O Multiple Intelligences (Gardner) Multiple Intelligences