What parents should know about

What are the facts about online porn?

What’s it really like? Violence towards women in 41% of sex scenes (towards men in 3%). Often depicts non-consensual activity and sex after coercion or manipulation. Dominance and submission in most scenes (as opposed to equal relationships). ‘Teen’ is one of the most common types of porn – using an ambiguous term to sexualise children.

What messages could it send? Equal, respectful and intimate relationships aren’t sexy. ‘Sexual freedom’ means prioritising arousal over your values, empathy and sense of self. Lots of people like watching sex that’s aggressive, humiliating or sexualises children – so it can’t be wrong. Women and girls are usually up for being hurt, dominated and trying extreme sexual acts. If women and girls aren’t up for something they just need to be persuaded.

What are the issues for young people? We don’t yet know how online porn affects young people. Some experts worry about: Worse sex in real life. Less satisfying relationships. Increased sexual harassment of others. Unrealistic or incorrect ideas about sex and relationships. Decreased body confidence. Increased preoccupation with sex, leading to distraction. Poorer academic performance. Porn might even influence young people who don’t watch it, if their friends and peers do.

What can parents do?

Restricting access Use your internet service provider’s parental controls to limit access in your home. Set parental controls on the devices your child can access (smartphones, tablets…) and via the network provider they use. If you’re not sure how to set parental controls you can search for instructions online or read the how to guides in Digital Parenting magazine. These strategies are especially important with younger children – even if you don’t think they have any interest in porn.

Empowering your child – what you might say Talk about what it means to be a critical consumer– what are some examples of products that aren’t good for us? How are they promoted? Use porn as an example – discuss the messages it sends and why that might be. Ask your child how they think people should treat each other in relationships – does that line up with what they’ve heard about porn or seen in games, television and other media? Make sure they know what to do if they’re worried about anything they’ve seen online.

How to say it Try bringing up a relevant news story or asking how/if they think it affects their friends. If you don’t know whether your child has seen porn, try not to make clear assumptions either way. Ask them what they and their friends think and be prepared to listen. Try not to act too shocked by what they say, even if it’s not what you were expecting. Talk about sex and relationships in general. Some children might look at porn because they don’t know where to go for answers about sex.

Try to avoid… Assuming online porn isn’t really that bad. Bluntly telling boys that porn ‘objectifies women’. Not talking about it because it’s an awkward subject.

More information Brook - BishUK - FPA - Pleasure vs Profit - Thinkuknow -

Reporting Look for the Click CEOP button Illegal content can be reported to the Internet Watch Foundation