Fix it to make it clearer “As the cacophony of sounds from the child’s crying wafted into my ears, I felt that my depiction of a clown was an injudicious idea. My reaction sprouted from my ability to be sensitive, and as my mind told me I had upset the child, I apologetically took my exit from the room.”

Practice  Read through your essay and underline unclear writing and cumbersome jargon.  Find ways to simplify!  Remember Orwell’s rules: 1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print. 2. Never use a long word where a short one will do. 3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out. 4. Never use the passive where you can use the active. 5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent. 6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

VARYING VOCABULARY OVERUSED WORDS  Content  Struggle  Funny  Learned  Overcame

Conclusions that do more than summarize

Things to avoid….  The “That’s My Story and I’m Sticking to It” Conclusion  The “Sherlock Holmes” Conclusion  The “America the Beautiful”/”I Am Woman”/”We Shall Overcome” Conclusion  The “Grab Bag” Conclusion

Instead…  Try to come full circle: make your introduction and your conclusion match  Draw ideas from your body together into a larger lesson or theme  Answer these questions: Why does it matter? So what?