Conflict in Your Relationships

Conflict Resolution

David and Angela

Dealing with Conflict Biblically

When there is conflict Reconciliation ALWAYS the GODLY goal

Conflict comes from… … unmet desires. "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it" (James 4:1-2).

Even good desires can evolve into controlling demands that can lead us to judge others and then avoid or punish them until we get what we want (see Luke 10:38-42). This progression often starts with minor differences, but before we know it we're sliding down a slippery slope of conflict that can drop off in two directions…..

Escape Zone (Flight) Attack Zone (Fight)

Escape Zone (Flight) Attack Zone (Fight)

Escape Deny Run Away Suicide Attack Assault Litigate Murder

Escape Deny Run Away Suicide Attack Assault Litigate Murder

Escape Deny Blame Suicide Attack Assault Slander Murder Conciliation Zone (Work it out) Let it go Talk it out Get Help Understand Make a Deal Win Back

Let it go Talk it out Get Help Understand Make a Deal Win Back

Let it go "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11).

Overlooking an offense is a form of forgiveness, and involves a deliberate decision not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent‐up bitterness or anger.

Talk it out If an offense is too serious to overlook or has damaged our relationship, we need to resolve personal or relational issues through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness.

Talk it out "[If] your brother has something against you go and be reconciled" (Matt. 5:23‐24). "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently" (Gal. 6:1; see Matt. 18:15). "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col. 3:13).

Get Help "If he will not listen [to you], take one or two others along" (Matt. 18:16).

If two people cannot reach an agreement in private, they should ask one or more objective outside people to meet with them to help them communicate more effectively and explore possible solutions.

Understand He finally came out with it…. But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it. ( Mark 9: 32)

Make a Deal "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Phil. 2:4).

Win Back If a person who professes to be a Christian refuses to be reconciled and do what is right, Jesus commands his or her church leaders to formally intervene to hold him or her accountable to Scripture and to promote repentance, justice, and forgiveness:

Win Back "If he refuses to listen [to others], tell it to the church, if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (Matt. 18:17)

Seven “A”s of Apologizing 1. Address everyone involved 2. Avoid “if”, “but”, and “maybe” 3. Admit specifically 4. Acknowledge the hurt 5. Accept the consequences 6. Alter your behavior 7. Ask for forgiveness

4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting them) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) 6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions) 7. Ask for forgiveness

Four Promises of Forgiveness 1. "I will not dwell on this incident." 2. "I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you." 3. "I will not talk to others about this incident.” 4. "I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship."

Is Peacemaking Always Possible? Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

David and Angela Peer Assistant Leadership PAL “The intention is that any student who wishes to speak to a PAL will find a suitable match and feel comfortable communicating with him or her to resolve problems.”

How about YOU? Marriage, Family, Friends, Work or School