1. The Four Most Important Words in Your Marriage Session #4 Practicing biblical confession and forgiveness in your marriage

2. Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) Definition - “a gentle and gracious confrontation of sin which is motivated by love and has reconciliation as its goal” Confrontation of sin through a rebuke is necessary because believers don’t always recognize when they have sinned Confrontation is commanded

3. Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) Won’t we be confronting all the time if we do what Jesus is saying? How and how not to confront: Confront…  As a fellow brother  Out of love for God and the person  With the glory of God in view  Not in anger  Not with a prideful heart  Not rude, but gentle and gracious  Not over preference issues or issues that aren’t sin  With the goal of restoration, not punishment

4. Element #1 – Rebuke (Luke 17:3a) Questions to ask yourself before you confront:  Is the issue clearly sin?  Is my own heart right?  Have I asked God for wisdom & help?  Have I thought through the right words and the right timing?

5. Element #2 – Repentance (Luke 17:3-4) Definition - “a change of mind leading to a change in the direction of life” Elements of repentance:  Comprehension  Confession Address all involved Avoid “if,” “but,” and “maybe” Admit specifically the sin Acknowledge the hurt Accept the consequences Ask for forgiveness Alter your behavior Ken Sande, Biblical Peacemaking, 13

6. Element #2 – Repentance (Luke 17:3-4)  Remorse – A person is sorrowful over his sin and regrets what he has done (2 Cor. 7:10, Ps. 51)  Forgiveness – A person asks for forgiveness from God and those whom he sinned against (1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4)  Commitment – A person resolves, by God’s grace, to change and to not commit the offense again (Is. 1:16-17, Eph. 4:22-24, Matt. 3:8)

7. Element #3 – Forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) Question: Is forgiveness conditional or unconditional?  Some verses (Luke 17:3-4, Matt. 18:15-17) are clear that forgiveness is conditional upon repentance.  Other verses (Mark 11:25, Matt. 6:14) teach that forgiveness should be unconditional.  Which one is right?

8. Element #3 – Forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) Heart (Attitude) Forgiveness Transaction of Forgiveness ExplanationDeals with my attitude and heart response Deals with restoration of fellowship VersesMark 11:25, Matt. 6:14Luke 17:3-4, Matt. 18:15-17 NatureUnilateral & Unconditional Conditional upon repentance FocusReleaseReconciliation RelationshipMe & GodMe & the other person ContextPrayerRelationship with other person

9. Element #3 – Forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4) Luke 17:3-4 deals with the transaction of forgiveness Definition – “a pardon and a promise regarding sin committed” Forgiveness is a four-fold promise:  I will not dwell on this incident  I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you  I will not speak with others about this incident  I will not all this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship Ken Sande, Biblical Peacemaking, 13

10. Put it all together SINS AGAINST GOD SINS AGAINST Needs to repent & confess sin to God & wife Needs to ask God for forgiveness Needs to ask wife for forgiveness Needs to make sure she didn’t sin in response to husband’s sin Needs to confront husband if he doesn’t realize that he has sinned Needs to grant forgiveness when husband confesses and repents

11. SINS AGAINST GOD SINS AGAINST Needs to repent & confess sin to God & wife Needs to ask God for forgiveness Needs to ask wife for forgiveness Needs to grant forgiveness to wife when she confesses & repents Needs to repent & confess sin to God & husband Needs to ask God for forgiveness Needs to ask husband for forgiveness Needs to grant forgiveness to husband when he confesses & repents SINS AGAINST