Attraction and Close Relationships Social Psychology

Why do we form close relationships?

The Need to Belong  Basic human motivation- Harlow’s monkeys  Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life.

Affiliation  Need for Affiliation: Desire to establish social contact with others.  Stress arouses our need for affiliation

The Agony of Loneliness  A feeling of deprivation about social relations *Times of transition or disruption *Loneliest=18 to 30 years old

How do we choose our relationships?

Perspectives on Attraction  Behaviorism- Attraction to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding  Evolutionary- Patterns of attraction favor the conception, birth, and survival of their offspring

The Proximity Effect  The single best predictor of attraction is physical proximity, or nearness  Where we live influences the friends we make College students tend to date those who live either nearby or in the same type of housing as they do

The Mere Exposure Effect  The more often we are exposed to a stimulus, the more we come to like that stimulus

Physical Attractiveness We react more favorably to others who are physically attractive than to those who are not Bias for beauty is pervasive

Objective Quality?  Are certain faces are inherently more attractive than others? High levels of agreement for facial ratings across ages and cultures- Symmetry science-of-sex-appeal-facial-symmetry- importance-video.htm Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults

Subjective Quality?  Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture  Standards of beauty change over time  Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty

Why Are We Blinded by Beauty?  Rewarding to be in the company of people who are aesthetically appealing?  Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with other desirable qualities What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype

The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype  People within a culture, assume that attractive people have the traits that are valued by that culture  Lessons begin early – how many ugly heroes are there in children’s tales vs. the number of ugly villains?

How important is intelligence?  Men and women differ in this criterion for sexual partners  But not for long-term partners

Kenrick, Sadalla, Groth, & Trost (1990) Kenrick, Groth, Trost & Sadalla (1993)  Students in these series of studies were asked: What is the minimum percentile of intelligence you would accept in considering someone for: What is the minimum percentile of intelligence you would accept in considering someone for:  A DATE  A SEXUAL PARTNER  A ONE NIGHT STAND  A STEADY DATING PARTNER  A MARRIAGE PARTNER

Women desire slightly above average for a single date Minimum Intelligence Desired DATE AVERAGE 50th%ile 

DATESEXMARRIAGE And want more with increasing commitment STEADY 50th%ile 

DATESEXMARRIAGE Men have similar criteria for dates STEADY 

DATESEX STEADY MARRIAGE And for long-term mates 

DATESEX STEADY MARRIAGE But men’s criteria are considerably lower for sexual partners 

DATESEX STEADY MARRIAGE The differences are even more pronounced for one-night stands 

First Encounters: Liking Others Who Are Similar  We tend to associate with others who are similar to ourselves… Byrne (1971):  We like people who we perceive as having similar attitudes to our own

Do Opposites Attract?  Is there support for the complementarity hypothesis, which holds that people seek others whose needs “oppose” their own? Research shows that complementarity does not influence attraction

First Encounters: Liking Others Who Like Us  Heider (1958): People prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced Mutual exchange between what one gives and what one receives  Liking is mutual, which is why we tend to like others who indicate that they like us

First Encounters: Pursuing Those Who Are Hard to Get  Does the hard-to-get effect exist? We prefer people who are moderately selective to those who are nonselective or too selective. We are turned off by those who reject us.

How can a relationship be defined? List as many features of love as you can in three minutes….

Defining Features of Love  Beverly Fehr (1988) asked students to list as many features of love as they could in 3 minutes. Students lists commonly included:  caring  happiness  friendship  warmth  trust  commitment  euphoria  sexual passion  heart rate increases

Intimate Relationships  Often involve three basic components: Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. The fulfillment of psychological needs. Interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other.

Are There Different Varieties of Love?  Not all types of “love” involve same mix of passion, intimacy, and commitment… Passionate love  A state of intense longing for union with another Companionate love  Affection and tenderness for those whose lives are entwined with our own

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Would You Marry Someone if You Were Not in Love?

Cultural Variations in Willingness to Marry Without Love

Companionate Love: The Self-Disclosure in It  Form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers  Less intense than passionate love But in some respects it is deeper and more enduring  Characterized by high levels of self- disclosure

Attributions and Quality of Relationship  Happy couples tend to make relationship-enhancing attributions  Unhappy couples tend to make distress-maintaining attributions

THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS Relationship Issues: Breaking Up

 A relationship is likely to be long- lasting when the couple: Has incorporated each other into one’s self Has become interdependent and have invested much into the relationship  But these factors also intensify stress and make coping more difficult after the relationship ends

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION  BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION  LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS  DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE  SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS  ROLE STRAIN  MONEY  CHILDREN  INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES  ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE