Linda Graham, MFT The Impact of Technology On Spiritual Care International Conference on Pastoral Care and Counseling October 15-21, 2015

Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years Psychodynamic, Attachment, Trauma, Mindfulness, Neuroscience Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for a Better World award

True Other to True Self The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD

Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik

Secure Attachment

All this talk therapy is just an excuse to hang out long enough for the relationship to do the healing. - keynoter, Attachment and Psychotherapy conference

This is what our brains are wired for: reaching out to and interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws. These social adaptations are central to making us the most successful species on earth. - Matthew Lieberman, PhD Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect

Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect

Interpersonal Neurobiology Human brains develop and learn best, lifelong, in interactions with other human brains. - Dan Siegel, M.D.

We have to look head on at the impacts of immersing ourselves in mobile technology so much that we’re not taking into account that how we misuse or overuse it can really threaten the things we care about, intimate in-depth conversations and authenticity of self. Sherry Turkle, MIT Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other

Technology – Spiritual Care Information Processing and Dissemination Connection Social Connectivity Political Mobilization Resonance Priming Neuroplasticity Rewiring the Brain

Information Upside Unlimited data storage and access Data shared over networks at hyper-speed Downside Information overload; brain fatigue, brain fog, ADD Lose capacity to distinguish relevant from irrelevant Multi-tasking; faster processing, more errors

Connection Upside Social connections enhance well-being Pleasure, joy, satisfaction of connection, belonging Downside Addictive behaviors triggered by hits of dopamine Pancake style - broad but superficial Emotions compromised or avoided Decrease in empathy Less tolerance of boredom, solitude Less down-time to consolidate long-term memory/learning

Technology is not Biology Human brains - electrical and chemical Computers - electrical only Neural synchrony - neurochemical synchrony Cathedral style - depth of feeling, rigor of thinking

Five Practical Tools Attunement and empathy Mindfulness Self-compassion Positive emotions Memory deconsolidation-reconsolidation

Attunement and Empathy Attachment and intersubjectivity - double helix of secure base What are you experiencing? What is your experience sharing your experience with me? What do you imagine I am experiencing at I listen to your experience? How do you hear my experience of you?

Mindfulness Presence - focused attention on present moment experience without judgement or resistance. May I meet this moment fully, may I meet it as a friend - Sylvia Boorstein

Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the stillness and peace in the body

Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with your knees Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long

Imagine walking down the street Notice someone you know walking toward you Wave “hello!” There’s no response. Notice your response to the lack of response The person notices you and waves “hello!” Notice your response to the response Notice any differences in your responses

Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol

Self-Compassion Break Notice moment of suffering Ouch! This hurts! This is painful. Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug) Kindness toward experiencer May I be kind to myself in this moment May I accept this moment exactly as it is May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am May I give myself all the compassion I need to respond to this moment wisely

Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol

Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman

Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or s expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate

Reconditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks of problematic memory Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by: Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms; Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awareness Causes the falling apart and the rewiring

Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

Linda Graham, MFT The Impact of Technology On Spiritual Care International Conference on Pastoral Care and Counseling October 15-21, 2015