1. Bouncing Back Brain Care is Self Care Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net 415-924-7765

2. Human Brain: Evolutionary Masterpiece 100 billion neurons Each neuron contains the entire human genome Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons Trillions of synaptic connections As many connections in single cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy

3. Practices as Resources Yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gong Sleep Nutrition Movement-Exercise Laughter Learn Something New Hanging Out with Healthy Brains

4. Sleep Housekeeping Reset nervous system Consolidate learning Take mental breaks

5. Take Mental Breaks Focus on something else (positive is good) Talk to someone else (resonant is good) Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good) Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue

6. Nutrition Less Caffeine Less Sugar More Protein More Water

7. Movement - Exercise Oxygen – brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20% of body’s oxygen Endorphins – feel good hormones, brighten the mind Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) - grow new brain cells, will migrate to where needed

8. Laughter Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of heart disease and stroke Releases endorphins – body’s natural pain killer Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood pressure Triggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in brain Releases tension in body, balances nervous system

9. Learn Something New Speak a foreign language Play a musical instrument Juggle Play chess Crossword puzzles when you don’t know the words

10. Hanging Out with Healthy Brains Brain is social organ; matures and learns best in interactions with other brains Social engagement regulates nervous system Resonant interactions prime the brain’s neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth

11. 6 C’s of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources Competence Courage

12. Fly video

13. Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Head rubs, foot rubs Massage back of neck Hold thumb as “inner child” Hugs – 20 second full bodied

14. Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Body Scan Progressive Muscle Relaxation Movement Opposite Power Posing

15. Self-Compassion Powerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self- loathing More effective in restoring well-being than self-esteem Practice not to feel better but because we feel bad Treat ourselves with care and understanding rather than harsh judgment Putting own oxygen mask on first when other people are not around Compassion leads to calm leads to clarity Emotional support needed for change and growth

16. Self-Compassion - Research Normalize vulnerability as part of human condition Not weak or selfish; powerful motivator out of care and wishes for well-being Less anxiety, depression, stress, rumination, shame, fear of failure Greater responsibility for past mistakes More self-confidence and resilience

17. Compassion for Others - Self Remember moment of receiving compassion and care from another Remember moment of offering compassion and care to another Evoke felt sense of sending/receiving compassion in your body When flow of compassion – open heart - is steady… Place yourself in flow of compassion, care, concern; send compassion to your self

18. One for Me; One for You Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing” Breathing out, “soothing, soothing” In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for you” “One for me, one for you” Practice breathing “one for me, one for you” when in conversation with someone

19. Mindfulness Comes to the West Mindful schools Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Business – 2014 World Economic Forum Government – Tim Ryan in Congress Military – post-traumatic stress Sports – peak performance Cover of Time magazine, February 3, 2014

20. Mindfulness Pause, become present Notice and name Step back, dis-entangle, reflect Catch the moment; make a choice Shift perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesome

21. Notice and Name Increasingly complex objects of awareness: Sensations as sensations Emotions as emotions Cascades of emotions as cascades Thoughts as thoughts Patterns of thoughts as patterns States of mind as states of mind Identities, belief systems as identities and Mental contents, patterns of neural firing Awareness itself – vast sky that storms pass through

22. Anything is a Cue to Practice Notice any moment of contraction Use contraction as cue to: Step back, come to center Use practice to come to equilibrium Discern options, choose wisely

23. Connections to Resources People Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart Places …I rest in the grace of the world…. – Berry Practices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

24. Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

25. Gratitude 2-minute free write Gratitude journal Gratitude buddy Carry love and appreciation in your wallet

26. Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modality Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in body

27. Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have “had your back” Currently, in the past, in imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situations

28. Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate

29. True Other to the True Self The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that is the questions, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD

30. Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us Imagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionally Imagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the good Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.

31. Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD

32. Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory “Light up the networks” Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on shifts in perspective

33. Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

34. Relational Intelligence Setting limits and boundaries Negotiating change Resolving conflicts Repairing ruptures Forgiveness

35. Find the Gift in the Mistake Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment What’s Right with this Wrong? What’s the Lesson? What’s the Cue to Act Differently? Find the Gift in the Mistake

36. Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did. This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I would do differently going forward.

37. Courage A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. - Grace Hopper Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking - Tim McMahon

38. Do One Scary Thing a Day Venture into New or Unknown Somatic marker of “Uh, oh” Dopamine disrupted Cross threshold into new Satisfaction, mastery Dopamine restored

39. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn

40. Bouncing Back Brain Care is Self Care Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net 415-924-7765