The child's experience THE CHILD'S EXPERIENCE Foundations 48 conference Anne R. Gearity, PhD March 24, 2014 March 24, 2014

A tale of two sisters

Primary experience: where is my parent?

Double whammy FEAR of danger, of being hurt, of feeling terrified or confused, without support. FEAR of losing the parent I know, of losing connection with sensations, with what is familiar to me.

What is safety? It cannot be just physical protection...

What children need from CPS Rescue from danger Explanation of what's happening now/ immediate safety. Recognition of ambiguous loss. Narrative about what just happened, in language that makes sense to them: age appropriate explanations.

What children need: 48 hours Reassurance about adult availability: if you can't be with the one you love, (trust) the one you are with. Confirmation about what happened and (when possible) clarification about parental motive and intention. Some hope of future care-- especially how you will help their parent.

Developmental needs Infants: the feel of care; familiar routines, expectations. Toddlers: routines that calm me; predictable and reliable attention. Preschoolers: what is the same, what is different?; caregiving that permits them to feel active and a little in charge. School aged children: holding onto what I can do myself; access to school, learning, mastery.

Developmental experiences of loss Infants: routine and familiar experiences in my body, with my parent. Toddlers: leaving and coming back to safe base-- but she (he) left me. Preschoolers: interrupted autonomy-- am I on my own? School aged: disruption on life: how do I keep learning?

What children need to hear... A coherent narrative has to affirm the child's experience, and acknowledge the child's need and love for their parent. CPS staff provide the organization that allow children to make sense of their experiences. When the parent is also a victim the child needs to know that adults must still protect children but may need help to know how.

What parents need to hear... In the immediate crisis parents need to know how events have impacted their children. Parents are often upset, defensive, angry, confused: while it is understandable that they are thinking of their own situation, we need to help them see their children's experience. When parents are preoccupied with their own distress, or dismiss their children's needs, repair is difficult.

Contact while in care

Recovery from danger and disruption

Keep the reality of the endangering event. This is what the child knows... Help parents recognize how experiences impact their children--and believing that children do remember, do feel danger. Balance parents' feelings of anger, vulnerability with their responsibility to parent-- to provide safety and sense for their children. Mom job / dad job. Be sure young children have sufficient adult mediation

Teach about development

Children returning to care... Children's behavior problems have been identified as primary reason for return to care. Unmediated disruption and placement cause behavior symptoms. Provide mental health support for children to prevent or repair compromised developmental learning.

For CPS to truly be helpful, Children need to know-- and feel-- that help changed the family.