Interpersonal Conversations

Conversations A locally managed sequential interchange of thoughts and feelings between two or more people. Interactive and extemporaneous. Microsoft Photo

Conversations (cont’d) Locally managed: only those involved in the conversation determine the topic. Sequentially organized: have openings, middles, and closes. Interactive: Involve at least two people. Largely extemporaneous: Participants have not prepared or memorized what they will be saying.

Let’s Have A Party!

Pragmatic Problem- Consideration Conversations Casual Social Conversations Pragmatic Problem- Consideration Conversations Spontaneous interactions between people, with no planned agenda Conversational episodes in which at least one participant has a communication goal

Pragmatic Problem-Consideration Conversations Skipping a stage may provide less satisfaction Greeting and small talk Topic introduction and statement of need for discussion Information exchange and processing Summarizing decisions and clarifying next steps Formal closing

Characteristics of Conversations Formality – degree to which the conversation must follow rules, procedures or rituals. Turn-Taking – alternating between speaker & listener. Speaker can decide who’s next Nonverbally signaling our desire to go next We can self-select to go next by talking next We can interrupt Topic Change – method by which people introduce new topics Talk Time – fair sharing of speaking time Scriptedness – common conversations that happen so often they are routine, as if to follow a script (co-narration). Conversational Audience – who’s conversing & eavesdropping.

Rules A prescription that indicates what behaviors are required, preferred, or prohibited in certain contexts

Conversational Ballgames by: Nancy Masterson Sakamoto Read “Diverse Voices” Pages 165-6

Cultural Connotations Individual Low uncertainty Avoidance (Tolerant) Low-context United States Masculine (rigid sex defined) Low power-distance (downplay social distances) 10

Cultural Variations United States Low Context Cultures Participatory – everyone joins in Include categorical words such as certainly, absolutely Relevant comments that are directly to the point Speaking one’s mind Silence is seldom good Japan High Context Cultures Ritualized, formal & stuctured Include qualifiers such as maybe, perhaps Indirect, ambiguous and less relevant comments Creating harmony Silence indicates truthfulness, embarrassment, disagreement 11

Examples of Communication Rules If your mouth is full of food, then you must not talk. If someone is talking, then you must not interrupt. If you can’t say something nice, then you don’t say anything at all.

More Communication Rules If you are spoken to, you must reply. If more than 2 people are conversing, then each should have equal time. If your conversational partner is significantly older than you, then you should refrain from using profanities & obscenities. 13

Even More Communication Rules If you are going to say something that you don’t want overheard, then drop the volume of your voice. If you are being spoken to, you should direct your gaze to the speaker. Or, from a different cultural perspective, if you are being spoken to, you should look at the floor. And, if another does not hear a question you asked, then you must repeat it. 14

Discuss what communication rules you think are important.

Cooperative Principle Conversations will be satisfying when the contributions made by conversationalists are in line with the purpose of the conversation. We don’t like people who go off subject. . .

Conversation Maxims Quality Quantity Relevancy Manner Morality Truthful information Quantity Not too much or too little Relevancy Related to the topic Manner Specific, organized, and understandable Morality Meet moral/ethical guidelines Politeness Be courteous

The Effective Conversationalist Presents quality information. Provides free information to enable others to talk. Ask questions that are likely to motivate responses. Credits sources. Practices turn-taking. Maintains conversational coherence. Practices politeness.

Politeness Politeness -- relating to others in ways that meet their need to be appreciated. Positive face needs– desire to be appreciated and approved, liked and honored.

Positive Facework Messages affirming a person or person’s actions in the face of a difficult situation. Used to protect another’s need to save face, ie. need to be respected, liked, or valued.

Positive Facework To perform: Convey positive feelings about what the other has said or done in the situation. Express admiration for other’s efforts Acknowledge how difficult situation is Express belief other’s efforts will endure or succeed.

Politeness Politeness -- relating to others in ways that meet their need to be appreciated. Positive face needs– desire to be appreciated and approved, liked and honored. Negative face needs – desire to be free from imposition, intrusion, or upstaging. Done in an unassuming - deferential manner.

Negative Facework Using verbally indirect methods when offering information, opinions or advice. Used to protect another’s negative face needs, ie. need for independence, autonomy and authority.

Negative Facework To perform: Ask permission before making suggestions Verbally defer to opinions/preferences of the other person Use tentative language to hedge & qualify your position Offer suggestions indirectly by telling stories or describing hypothetical options.

Politeness Politeness -- relating to others in ways that meet their need to be appreciated. Positive face needs– desire to be appreciated and approved, liked and honored. Negative face needs – desire to be free from imposition or intrusion. Face-threatening acts (FTAs) – behavior that fails to meet positive or negative face needs

Engage in Ethical Dialogue Be: Authenticity - direct, honest, straightforward information and feelings Empathy – understanding another’s point of view (without giving up yours) Confirmation – affirming others as unique individuals (does not imply approving of their behaviors)

Engage in Ethical Dialogue (continued) Be: Present – taking time, avoiding distraction, being responsive, risking attachment Equality – treating conversational partners on the same level regardless of status differences Supportive climate – encourage participation by praising efforts

Activity Work Groups Marisa, Danielle, Samantha, & Chris Niki, Karina, Eric, Charity, & Erika Briana, Cassidy, Josh Caryn & Kami Jen, Michelyn, Elena, & Nate If there are absences, smaller groups will be redistributed by instructor. 28

Effective Communicator’s “Bag of Tricks” Is equipped with information on a wide range to topics. Is willing to offer “extra” information when questions are asked Asks questions. Balances speaking and listening. Uses conversational directors like “Don’t you agree?” or “What do you think?” which draw the other person into the conversation. Keeps interruptions at a minimum. Makes sure that comments relate to previous comments by others. Is polite. Is ethical, authentic, empathetic, supportive, conforming, an active listener, and treats others as equals.