DEALING WITH EMOTIONS CHAPTER 4

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS? Feelings that we experience in response to situations Accompany physical & mental changes Feelings & emotions are used interchangeably because of their similarities

DEVELOPMENT OF EMOTIONS Heredity (genetics/biology/nature) predisposes us towards specific emotional tendencies At birth: first emotion/feeling = distress Few weeks old: first positive/pleasant emotion = delight Learn from others around us & experiences. Learn which emotions bring rewards vs. punishments. Learn (family, school, social experiences) how to deal/express emotions -have you ever heard… big boys don’t cry don’t make a scene control yourself

EXAMPLES OF EMOTIONS

CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONS Four Components Physiological – muscle tension, stomach, temperature, reflexes, adrenaline, heart rate Behavioral – skin color, trembling, clenching, sweating, vocal changes, laughing, crying Cognitive - constant evaluation/thinking of emotions, ranges from immediate interpretations of events to general life philosophy Motivational Tendencies – act based on emotion, because of an emotion or to avoid an emotion, we want to do/repeat what brings us pleasure/positive emotion

MORE ON MOTIVATION Examples: Pleasure – inclined to continue Anxiety – escape from possible loss/avoid Anger – fight/yell/attack Sadness – withdraw Mood is a general feeling/ton/disposition that affect our perceptions of a situation/experience AND the emotions we experience as a result of that perception Example: being grouchy then behaving a certain way because of your “mood”

BENEFITS OF EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS 1.Develop positive feelings about yourself: Being open & honest when dealing with feelings in a constructive way you will experience increased feelings of self0esteem. People who feel good about themselves are not afraid of their emotional responses. This leads to a sense of inner harmony and freedom.

BENEFITS OF EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS 2. Your relationships will grow stronger. When you express your own feelings, others are likely to express some of their own. Sharing your feelings in an open and honest way will create or even strengthen the relationship between the two individuals. (think Johari window….)

BENEFITS OF EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS 3. Pressure is relieved When we deny how we are really feeling, health and relationships are negatively affected. Keeping all of our feelings bottled up inside creates stress. So, expressing our emotions and feelings reduces stress we may have.

TYPES OF EMOTIONS 8 Primary Types Joy Acceptance Fear Surprise Sadness Disgust Anger Anticipation Other emotions are combinations of primary emotions Usually experience more than 1 emotion at a time Usually identify the most negative emotion first

EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS Emotions are experienced with variations in intensity & duration Mild emotions tend to be facilitative (helpful to a situation) Intense emotions tend to be debilitative (disrupt functioning)

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Ability to know & express own emotions Capacity to interpret & understand other’s emotions Ability to use to guide thinking & actions - minimize impact of negative emotions - enhance effective use of positive emotions Emotional Intelligence may be a more important factor in life & success than IQ Who has greater emotional IQ: men or women?

GUIDELINES FOR DEALING WITH EMOTIONS Listen to your body Identify your feelings Personalize your feelings (impact, metaphors, actions) Own your feelings Decide what to do: Consider what is appropriate: - time & place - how much - significance of relationship - words & mannerisms - feelings vs. actions

DEALING WITH EMOTIONS… IN SIMPLER TERMS Just FEEL….. Focus on YOUR FEELINGS EXPRESS constructively EXPERIENCE them LET GO of the feelings

EMOTIONS & CULTURE Are emotions a UNIQUE or UNIVERSAL concept??? People of all cultures recognize the same basic emotions Every culture has its own norms/expectations for how, when & where to display emotions So… are emotional differences between men & women related to gender (genetic/biological differences) or cultural expectations (environment & experiences)???

HOW I EXPRESS EMOTIONS On a separate piece of paper, make yourself a chart with 3 columns & 12 rows. In the left hand column you will be writing a list of emotions (1/box). In the center column you will complete the statement: when I’m ___________ (you will insert the emotion), I express it by: AFTER you have completed these 2 columns, go back and complete the right hand column. In each box try to identify a specific example of a time you experienced that emotion and reacted according to your statement.

HOW I EXPRESS MYSELF… CONTINUED Try to complete the statements in the center column as quickly/spontaneously as possible. Emotions for left hand column: Angry* Feeling successful Worried* Feeling affectionate Sad* Feeling guilty Depressed* Feeling lonely Feeling like a failure* Feeling hurt Afraid* Feeling rejected