Lesson 7 Is It A Healthy Relationship? ©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Signs of Healthy Relationships (Write Response in Notebook) You’ve been dating for awhile and you like that person. But after a while, you begin to wonder about the relationship. You can’t put your finger on it, but something doesn’t feel right. Should you continue the relationship? What signs can you look for to see if this relationship has potential- or if it is healthy?

What about unhealthy relationships? Many people find themselves in unhealthy and sometimes abusive relationships. Some find themselves attached or glued to someone who has big problems or are not good for them. “Breaking Up is Hard To Do!” It can be even harder when it is a bad relationship.

Sculpting Activity 1. Each group will draw a IS IT…? CARD. 2. Read the card aloud and Discuss it: 1. Have you seen any relationships like this in real life or in the media? 2. What specific behaviors might represent that type of relationship? 3. What symbols, images, or metaphors might represent this kind of relationship? 4. Using the sculpting supplies at the front of the room- create a visual representation of the relationship you have just discussed. You have 10 Minutes to sculpt! 5. Share your sculpture with your classmates! Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Is it CONTROLLING? The figures/sculptures are representative of one person controlling the other. Notice the size, in relationship to the other person. The bigger one carries a “control stick” which represents possible, and even likely, abuse in the future. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Does It Feel EQUAL & SUPPORTIVE? This sculpture represents a relationship that is separate but equal. They are holding hands for support. The stance shows they are able to branch out for personal growth and exploration, yet remain close and help each other. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Does It Feel LIKE IT’S MOSTLY PHYSICAL? “Bang!” Fireworks. Enough said. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Writing Assignment Choose one of the six types of relationships from the sculpting activity and write a description of a couple that fits that type. Listed below are the writing tasks: 1.Give your couple pretend names, ages, and the length of time they have been together. 2.Describe three typical interactions within the relationship. 3.Describe what it is like being around the couple. 4.Describe how aware the couple is that they have a healthy or unhealthy relationship. 5.Make a guess about how long the relationship will last. Describe how the relationship turns out. 6.Any of these six types of relationships could end. In fact, most teen relationships do not last. What could your couple have learned from this relationship experience?. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Basic Human Needs EMOTIONAL Need for love & security MENTAL How you see yourself; how we think others see us PHYSICAL Need for touch SOCIAL Need to belong Unmet needs can lead to poor relationship & choices….. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

Physical Needs The basic human need for physical touch. Ex: Babies who are neglected- not cuddled and held- can become sick and fail to grow. You don’t outgrow your need for physical touch and physical affection.

Emotional Need Everyone wants to feel loved, and everyone has a need for security. Everyone needs to know that someone is there and will love him or her no matter what. Everyone has a need for unconditional love from family, friends, or mentors. This involves the need to feel safe and have a safe place to go.

Mental Needs About how you see yourself and how you think others see you. Everyone cares what others think, and everyone wants to see themselves in a positive light. Everyone has a basic need for acceptance, respect, and approval by others. This drives our internal desire to preform well.

Social Needs Involves the desire to belong. Everyone wants to feel that he or she belongs. Everybody wants to belong to a “family” or with friends. Eventually, most people want to be connected to someone in a romantic love relationship.

Jeff’s Story- Unmet Need? Jeff’s family members are all very independent. Each member manages his own life with little consideration for or consultation with the other family members. The children have always been encouraged to keep busy with lots of activities, and his parents are busy with their work. Home seems to be just a place to sleep, eat, and get moving again. There is very little conversation or interaction between the parents and children and very little physical affection. Jeff knows his parents love him, but they both work a lot of hours to provide for their family. He doesn’t have an adult to talk to about what’s going on in his life. He feels very alone in his family environment and has been spending more and more time with his new girlfriend. He also has been hanging out at his friend’s house after school. Lately, Jeff has begun to pressure his girlfriend for more physical affection, and they are moving toward sexual involvement at a rapid pace.

Myra’s Story- Unmet Need? Myra just turned 14. Her dad has a “string” of women and who knows how many other kids out there. Besides, her dad rarely comes by to see her. Her mom is often depressed and has her share of boyfriends that come around, too. Sometimes Myra feels like she’s raising herself. At least when she’s with Jason, her 16 year old boyfriend, she doesn’t feel so alone. He’s all she’s got, and she feels sex will make them closer and make it less likely for him to leave her.

Reflection Reflect on your own personal situation. How well are your needs being met? Are they being met in healthy ways?

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 1. Develop yourself, forge your own identity, pursue your own interests and acquire a solid sense of self. In the long run, the best relationships are made of two people who have a solid sense of self and some direction in life. And, don’t ignore your friends after starting a romantic relationship- you’re going to want them around if/ when that relationship ends. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 2. Remember the 7 principles of smart relationships. Sometimes girls or guys ignore having a clear idea for how they want to be treated in order to hold onto a relationship. They may also try to change themselves and not be true to themselves or ignore value differences just to keep a relationship. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 3. Look for a person with character and integrity. Have a future vision of the kind of relationship or marriage you want, and let that vision guide your relationship choices. 4. Slow down your emotional desire to be in a serious relationship—to be part of an “us” too soon. Get to know and/or date a variety of people. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 5. Make clear decisions; don’t just “slide” into romantic and/or sexual involvements. Handle your attractions with your brain turned on and eyes wide open. Girls, in particular, can become “glued” to an unhealthy relationship by getting sexually involved. Remember, sex often does not mean the same thing to two people. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 6. Have a clear boundary—a stopping point in your mind—before you are with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is hard to stop after a certain point of physical involvement when both are excited. 7. It is normal and natural that you will have sexual feelings. Men by nature think about it more often than woman. Thoughts do not have to become actions. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 8. Always remember that it’s easy to be “blinded,” even fooled, by hormones and the brain chemicals of infatuation. 9. Remember that sex can create a child. Ask yourself if you are ready (emotionally and financially) for that kind of commitment with this person. Children deserve committed parents who are ready and able to parent. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 10. A mature satisfying relationship takes self-development, growth, and all aspects maturity- not just physical. These types of relationships typically do not occur until your twenties- once you have had the opportunity to really vision and take action on where you will be and what you will do for your future.. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 11. Remember that among your dates are individuals that you may or may not want to marry someday. When you look back will you be proud of your past? Have you acted with character through your dating relationships? 12. To someday have a great relationship, you need to grow yourself and figure out how to be interesting to a partner who is your equal and who you find attractive in many ways—not just in a physical sense. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 13. Keep your eyes on what is important—that is, developing a satisfying relationship some day with a partner you love. 14. You have a life ahead of you filled with many different experiences, do not let a bad relationship ruin all your future relationships. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.