Reproduction and Sexuality CLOSING QUESTIONS

Does the Bible say who may have a sexual relationship?  Legitimate sexual relations are to happen within a committed relationship between a man and a woman, i.e. in marriage.

Does the Bible lay down guidelines or rules for what kind of sexual expression is allowed in marriage?  Not specifically, no.  One could invoke general principles like the following as guidelines: Follow individual conscience, without offending others, as in Romans Let selfless love motivate both partners, as in “love…is not self-seeking” in 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5 Do all, even having sexual intercourse, in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father, as in Colossians 3.

Are there any further guidelines given by Christians? Consider the implications of the following guiding principles as to what is allowed in a sexual relationship within marriage.  Are both partners comfortable with a particular practice? Is there agreement on what is okay?  Is either partner being hurt physically or emotionally?  Does either partner feel demeaned by a practice, less than fully human?  Does the practice bring the couple closer emotionally and spiritually? Is it a celebration of the commitment to unity and mutuality?

Why wait until marriage to have sex?  Children should be born into a safe, committed situation, for them to flourish as humans. The covenant commitment of a marriage provides that.  Most people would agree that sex is not just physical but emotional and spiritual as well. It should not be casually dispensed or engaged in but only with someone you truly trust.  If one cannot wait before the covenant commitment in the presence of God and human witnesses (and the law!), i.e. marriage, what guarantee is there one will be faithful IN marriage? There will usually be someone more attractive than one’s spouse at some point in one’s life. Faithfulness before marriage and in marriage both require self-control.

What about masturbation?  Means sexual self-stimulation, usually to the point of orgasm.  Opinions vary on right or wrong.  No physical harm is done.  Can be a release valve for build up of sexual tension.  Can become an obsession or compulsive behavior.  Problem with what and whom you are thinking about to be aroused – “lusting in your heart”.  Make decision based on individual conscience before God?  Not the unforgivable sin.

What about pornography?  Pornography is acting! It is not real.  It creates false expectations/norms for both partners. Usually he wants her to do what he saw in the porn movie and she feels she has to because she wants to please him.  Exposure to pornography increases the level and intensity of stimulation needed to be aroused. It is like taking drugs – you need more and more to get the same high. This leads to inevitable disappointment in real relationships. It turns some off sex completely.

How far can one go before marriage?  Traditional cultures allowed little or no contact between prospective Marriage partners and had escorted visits to reduce chance of too much physical contact (chaperones)  Today’s culture – no restrictions, so self-control more necessary than ever.  Slippery slope concept with sexual touching ( from look to hand touching to …full intercourse)  Couple should set boundaries together to what is allowed and help each other keep to them.  Avoid situations that increase power of temptations.  Do all to the glory of…

What if the one partner wants sex more often than the other?  Inevitably happens.  Opportunity to show consideration on both sides.  Do not ask: What are my needs? What can I get out of this? Rather ask: What does my partner need? How can I help him/her?

What if I am attracted to someone else once I am married?  Most likely will happen at some point!  Recall the vows/commitment you made.  Faithfulness means staying with the person through thick and thin and being reliable.  Avoid situations that increase chances of attraction and chance of relationship going wrong way.

Is all lost if we have sex before or outside of marriage?  No!  Repentance and forgiveness are offered but not cheap grace. (Let’s sin because we can always ask for forgiveness afterwards)  God allows for new beginnings but the cost and pain involved may be substantial.  Help from others may be needed to change one’s patterns of behavior.

How we help each other be purer in our thoughts and more faithful in our relationships?  Consider how you dress and act. Are you intentionally (and perhaps unintentionally) attracting interest that has a sexual dimension?  

Is sex(ual intimacy) all it is made out to be?  It can be one of the most uniting, ecstatic, greatest experiences for a couple, but not always!  It can also be a painful and uncomfortable experience physically and emotionally.

Apart from making babies, why have sex?  Sexual intercourse is a regular celebration of the joyful commitment to each other the couple has made. It celebrates and renews the covenant, just like Holy Communion helps us remember and celebrate what Christ did for us, strengthening us to continue in faith.  worship/worship/texts/pastoral/marriage/marriage.aspx worship/worship/texts/pastoral/marriage/marriage.aspx