We will begin promptly at 6:00 pm

Managing Conflict Constructively Conflict Quiz-- Let’s test our assumptions and perceptions

Class Presentations Each participant expected to share a community project idea/passion with the group. (~ 5 minutes) Purpose of assignment Guiding worksheets to help form ideas Key Aspects to share with us. Why are we doing this? Number of reasons. Engaged Leadership class…Leaders take action, inspire shared visions, communicate and build relationships with others. Due to the structure of this class--being 5 weeks, and participants are from various boards and committees, it is difficult to complete a group or individual projects. My hope is this will a first step or a re-awakening of what really motivates you make changes—in our community. Engaged leaders are civically engaged—not only for self-interest but in the interest of the community: the public good. Any questions or items to discuss regarding your presentations? Someone from county will be here next week, either Katy Simon, Dave Childs or Kathy Carter to hear the presentations, answer your questions and hand out our certificates.

Top Two Fears of People Two top fears are death and public speaking Why is public speaking so fearful? embarrassing, feel vulnerable, exposed, focus of attention How to overcome be comfortable with room comfortable with topic—know your topic comfortable with audience

Sharing Your Passion SMART Action Planning What is your passion? (Why) What is the goal you want to achieve in the community? (Specific) How will you know when you achieve your goal? (Measureable) Make your goal realistic. (Attainable) Are your objectives relevant to the big picture? (Relevant) What is your timeframe? (Timebound) Read Smart worksheet.

Agenda Review expectations for presentations Conflict Management and Assessment Sources Styles Skills Dealing with Challenging People Activity End

Common Faulty Assumptions All conflicts will be resolved by determining who is right and who is wrong. The best way to handle conflict is to avoid them. The best way to handle all conflicts is to tell it exactly like it is--if others can’t handle it, that is their problem.

Facts about Conflict It is inevitable Can be Positive or Negative Tends to make us feel mad,sad,and/or scared. How you see conflict determines what you do about it. Most people have had little or no training. Avoidance and Aggression are common responses. People are usually very skilled at articulating what others have done that offends them, but less skilled at seeing how they might have offended others. We can only control ourselves. Review Conflict Quiz. Let’s review assumptions about Conflict Conflict will arise no matter what you do, how you act, etc. Even in the most peaceful relationships and especially on your boards. You have two choices, you can deal with conflict constructively or destructively.

Conflict Defined Two interdependent parties Perceived incompatible goals Perceived scarce resources Interference from achieving one’s goal First a definition: Conflict is a struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and/or interference from others in achieving their goals.—Interpersonal Conflict Conflict means perceived divergence of interest or a belief that the parties current goals cannot be met simultaneously.—Social Conflict Big definition for a common used word that we all have felt it and know when we are in conflict. Examine definition more in detail. Both definitions say to me, two people perceive they can not get what they want. Now that we have a common understanding of conflict, larger question is how do we manage it and work constructively within conflict? Conflict involves - perceived incompatible goals, for example bob and sally may perceive they have incompatible goals (unable to exist, cooperate, blend or get along with somebody or something else b/c of basic differences).

Conflict Sources Styles Skills First we will discuss where conflict comes from, the sources of most conflict—if we are to better understand conflict, a good start is to first understand where the conflict may originate Then we will examine how we approach conflict—we individually our style for addressing conflict Last, we will talk about skills and techniques for managing conflict effectively.

Sources: Where does conflict come from? Relationships Strong negative emotions, misperceptions, stereotypes or miscommunication. Often unnecessary--criteria for conflict is scarce resources or mutually exclusive goals. If unmanaged, can escalate and spiral. Strong emotions Misperceptions or stereotypes, poor or miscommunication Repetitive negative behavior Many times about power and control than clashing personalities

Sources of Conflict-continued Data Lack of information or sound decisions or misinformation…disagreement over what is relevant. Methods for collecting data Many times conflict starts because people have different information, lack access to information or interpret information differently Different views on what is important Misinformation Different interpretation of data, or different assessment processes

Sources…Again Resources Interest based Structural One or more parties believe in order to satisfy their needs (goals), the other party must sacrifice their needs. (win/lose). Fixed Pie  (perception of power and self esteem is scarce) Resources can refer to anything anyone wants--money, open space, respect, privacy. Tiime is a valuable resource, Power is a resource. Some can also lump these as interest-based conflicts  substantive or content interests or procedural conflict, how things are done Also section out structural conflicts  Unequal control, ownership or distribution of resources, unequal power or authority, The fixed pie scenario is typical in natural resources conflicts…only so much sage grouse habitat, limited amount of open space, etc. Two resources often perceived to be scarce are power and self esteem. Regardless of the content issue, people usually perceive they have too little power or self-esteem and that the other party has too much. Often giving the other person some respect, courtesy and ways to save face helps reduce the need to use power.

Sources…finally! Values Are beliefs that people use to give meaning to their lives. Values explain what is good or bad, right or wrong, just or unjust. Values become a conflict when people attempt to force one set of values on others or when divergent values are not allowed. Values are what we hold near and dear, values are the principles that guide our decisions. Different criteria for evaluating ideas or behavior Different ways of life ,ideology or religion. Value conflicts are the most difficult to resolve. Sometimes we “agree to disagree” or agree to follow the supreme law of the land--courts, etc.

Reflection Time… Has anyone experienced a public conflict in the last few months? Briefly, explain the players Identify the source of conflict (relationship, data, resource, values) How did you or others handle it? How did it make you feel? Get into small groups or take one example from the class

Assessing Your Conflict Style Conduct Conflict Assessment Now we are going to learn about how we manage conflict. Pass out assessment…

Conflict Styles (p.60) Competitive (Shark): Might makes right. Win/Lose. Compromise (Fox): Middle ground btw highly polarized views. Accommodate (Teddy Bear): Try to get along--be tolerant, giving in. Avoidance (Turtle): Ignore conflict or buy time. Collaborator (Owl): Win/Win. Use problem-solving. Shark: (Competitive): Common perception of a leader, Use force to make points + Get the job done + Make difficult decisions - Alienate others, Encourage Sabotage, Focus on power (win/lose) Fox (Compromiser): Willing to make trade-offs, willing to give only when he or she will receive a benefit in return (Split the difference. + Saves time, Focus on fairness, temporary solution. - Lost opportunity to win/win solution, you feel compromised. Teddy Bear (Accommodate) Person neglects his or her own concerns to satisfy the needs of someone else (Turn the other cheek) + Preserves harmony, Makes others happy, Demonstrate reasonableness - May cause problems, reduces capacity to influence or be taken seriously, eventually person may overreact, reach their boiling point. Turtle (Avoidance) Person is sidestepping or ignoring an issue so that he or she does not have to deal with it (don’t make mountains out of molehills) + conflict may go away on its own, It’s not your battle, why bother, no chance for succeeding - situation may get worse, lose your influence, looks like you don’t care. Owl (Collaborator) Willing to face the conflict and draw people’s attention to it. Views conflict as a problem to be solved. Maximize the interests and goals of everyone. This style requires full understanding of al viewpoints. + happy parties, no feeling of loss, gain wide support of solutions, - takes much skill and time., issue should be ripe and parties willing to engage.

Techniques for Managing Conflict Recognize conflict is a process to be managed, not avoided or eliminated. Conflict is a problem to be solved, not a battle to be won. Stay focused on the problem or issue to be solved.

Techniques and Skills Use “I”statements, not “You” statements. Ask Open-Ended Questions--to elicit response and test assumptions. Listen Actively Page 58--59 in booklet and page 78. Be facilitative, ask open ended questions, help get at root of conflict and will test assumptions Listen Actively listen for content, meaning and feelings: REMEMBER THE CONTENT AND PROCESS What is said and How things are being said. Make sure you understand what person has said…one needs to understand the conflict before they can respond: Acknowledge and understand does not mean agreement. My husband may often you don’t understand what I am saying, …I understand, repeat back…I just don’t agree.

More Techniques… Keep emotions in check. Separate People from the Problem. Focus on Interests, Not Positions. Reframe Use Ground Rules It is hard to be rational when we feel irrational. Keep your emotions in check, be aware when the other person is becoming emotional They start talking louder, faster, or interrupting others. If possible, take a break, concentrate on breathing, start counting to help regain your focus on the problem. Write down on a card what you feel is the issue Separate People from Problemevery conflict has the content (substance) and People (relationship). Often, people and problem become interwined. Deal with people has human beings and deal with the problems on its merits—focus on the issue, not the person. Interests are the reasons behind making a demand. Interests reflect your goal. Positions reflect only one solution to the problem. Looking at goals before solutions opens up other possibiities. There may be acceptable soluttions that haven’t been considered yet. Always make an effort to understand what the person’s interests are. Reframe very powerful tool, Means to reinterpret or restate the comment into a problem-solving frame. Always use your groundrules—its provides the structure for your process

Steps to help Manage Conflict Vent Emotions (pg. 85) Slow things down Remain Neutral Review principles/ground rules Control the situation, but not aggressively Make interventions—facilitate when necessary Use a structured approach Record key points on flip chart Assess, Reassess and reach closure Venting emotions—this means listening to people so they feel they are heard and any build-up emotions are diffused. People are rarely able to move to solutions, genuine solutions until their emotional blocks have been removed. Venting is helpful as long you focus on the problem, not the person. Venting does not give credence to personal attacks

Conflict Summary Perceptions impact how we deal with conflict. A process to be managed, not eliminated. Constructive management takes practice.

Dealing with Difficult People Difficult not best word…challenging people. We all know I’m what you might call a “people-person”

Role Playing It is a fun and safe way to learn new ideas and techniques Interpret your role based on your own personality--be flexible. Do not share your roles with others---Shhh Opportunity to “try on another pair of shoes”

Your Task: You are a member of the County Re-Design Board Your task is to re-design a building for the County to help meet pressing community needs. Create your design with the resources provided You will give a short presentation of your boards design and why… You have approximately 20 mins. Divide into three groups—5 people each ? Given our current economic crises, the County is looking at innovative ways to streamline work and offer services in a more efficient and effective manner. Each group should give an account of what they designed and why Debrief q’s: Each group discuss re-design and why. Did everyone agree with the purpose and re-design? How did the group get along? How did you reach agreement or decisions? Was there conflict in the group? How was it managed? How were challenging people managed? What are some things your did? Techniques to apply? Summarize

Our Web of Relationships There is no “us” versus “them”. There is only “we”. Conflict can be a creative and dynamic force in the our community and in your personal lives.