Anger Management Anger Management

IDENTIFICATION THOUGHTS FEELINGS ACTION

Day 1 Personal Anger Day 2 Interpersonal Anger Effects of anger on time

What is your anger style? 1. Lock it up 2. Turn it loose! 3. Manage it

1. Lock it up  Withdraw emotionally BEHAVIOUR  Give the “silent treatment”  Become ill or anxious  Deny anger but show it in other actions  Revenge fantasies What is your anger style?

2. Turn it loose!  Blowing up at people BEHAVIOUR  Getting physical or hurting people  Threatening, shouting or swearing  Blaming people  Breaking things  Flying off the handle at small things  Bringing up old grievances What is your anger style?

3. Manage it  Remaining calm BEHAVIOUR  Focusing on the behavior, not the person  Using “I” statements: “I feel angry when…”  Sticking to the subject  Allowing discussion to happen What is your anger style?

1. Lock it up  Withdraw emotionally BEHAVIOUR  Give the “silent treatment”  Become ill or anxious  Deny anger but show it in other actions REASONS  I don’t have the right to be angry  Anger is inappropriate or childish  I may lose control of myself  I cant cope with strong feelings  People will dislike me if I show anger  I may lose my job or a relationship  I fear I will hurt or offend someone  Revenge fantasies What is your anger style?

2. Turn it loose!  Blowing up at people BEHAVIOUR  Getting physical or hurting people  Threatening, shouting or swearing  Blaming people REASONS  I need to assert my power over people  The best defense is a good offense  I’m afraid of getting close to someone  I cant stand to be wrong  I don’t know how to communicate calmly when angry  Breaking things  Flying off the handle at small things  Bringing up old grievances What is your anger style?

3. Manage it  Remaining calm BEHAVIOUR  Focusing on the behavior, not the person  Using “I” statements: “I feel angry when…”  Sticking to the subject REASONS  Anger is a normal emotion - it’s okay to be angry  Allowing discussion to happen What is your anger style?

“WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE 1. Name What behavior is bothering you 2. Explain Why it’s bothering you & how you feel about it 3. Say how you’d like the other person to behave instead MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

“WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE Situation : A friend keeps borrowing money and forgetting to pay you back Message : Yesterday I lent you money and you haven’t pain me back. Now I don’t have any lunch money and I’m hungry. Please pay me back the day after you borrow money if you can. Situation : A friend is rude with someone you like. Message : When you are rued with ____, it makes me angry because you know I like ____. I wish you wouldn’t do that any more. MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

POSITIVE SELF TALK 1. Negative thoughts leads to negative action 2. Positive thoughts leads to positive action.

Negative thoughts leads to negative action  Shabana transfers to a new school and misses her old friends. She thinks she will never find any friends. She feels hopeless about the situation and does not even try to meet anyone. This attitude shows in her face and body language, making people reluctant to approach her. Shabana is likely to continue to feel lonely.

Positive thoughts leads to positive action.  Shabana decides to make new friends. She feels hopeful and looks friendly. Shabana makes an effort to talk to classmates, join a school club, and to a sports event.

Whenever we are faced withsomething new, difficult, or challenging, we can ask ourselves two questions: 1. What is the best that can happen? What are the most positive thoughts and emotions I can have? 2. What is the worst that can happen? What are the most negative thoughts and emotions I can have?

Read this positive statement and add more of your own. 1. The way I feel about myself doesn’t depend on other opinions of me. 2. The only person who never makes a mistake is the person who never does anything. 3. I am special, the only one there of me. 4. If I’m slower at some thing then other people, that’s just fine. 5. I will do what I can, with what I have, where I am 6. I can’t change others, but I can try to change my self.

7. I will try to see problem as opportunities. 8. I can’t constantly depend on others; some things I have to do myself. 9. Instead of saying “if only I had,” I will say “next time I will.” 10. I can help other people, and I can ask for help when I need it. 11. I am prepared to lose once in a while. 12. I will be responsible for my own positive attitude. 13. I will try to live my life an an exclamation, not an explanation. Read this positive statement and add more of your own.

Acknowledge the other person’s feeling You can do this by making an empathic statement such as: 1. ‘You are obviously very irritated.’ 2. You certainly seem annoyed.’ 3. ‘I can understand that you are angry.’

Share your own feelings and fears 1. You are frightening me 2. You’ re terrifying me and making me worry about getting hit. 3. You’re making me angry … it will be your fault if I lose control. 4. You’ve made me so upset that I can’t think straight.

Make a conciliatory gesture A genuine apology A statement of regret A compromise Recognition that the other person has a right to their view Acceptance of responsibility for your share of the problem A statement which indicates that you would like to see a positive outcome to the conflict for both parties.

Express your needs and wants calmly and persistently You keep on repeating more or less the same statement over and over again in a calm, controlled voice.

Self-protective techniques to block criticism 1.You simply take the wind out of your critic’s sail by saying that there may be some truth in what they have said or agreeing in principles with them. 2.You are not actually agreeing, but neither are you entering into the flight by disagreeing

Coping with an angry outburst 1. Think of an example from personal experience where someone’s anger effected your relationship with that person 2. Think of an example from personal experience where someone’s anger did not effect your relationship with that person 3. Analyze the reasons for your experience 4. What are the general principles that I can draw from it? 5. What step will you personally take to help apply these principles?