Take control of your personal effectiveness Cyprus 2015 Lucy Whitehall

Getting to know each other In pairs Your name Think of a time you were really effective – in work, with family or friends, or on your own What specifically did you do/not do? What were your attitude/assumptions?

What we will discover today What we mean by personal effectiveness The impact of our values on effectiveness Creating and maintaining an effective mindset Communicating - Influencing with gravitas Communicating – even in difficult circumstances Energy management not time management Resilient people are effective people Action planning for success

Definition of personal effectiveness Producing a strong impression or response Involves creative, solution-oriented thinking and requires us to be “fit for action” – resourceful, adaptable, responsible and focussed

Values What is it like when your values are being expressed? What is it like when they are being suppressed? Who’s responsible for expressing your values?

Group exercise In pairs (or a group of three) Pick the 5 values that most reflect meaning for you Do this quickly, without much thought – go with your instinct! With a new partner, spend 5 minutes each identifying the ONE value that has most importance to you Is there anything missing?

Building an effective mindset

Mental re-programming 1.All or nothing thinking - “Always” “Never” what’s your counter evidence? 2. Catastrophising - “What if?” what if you achieve it? What’s the realistic probability of something bad happening? 3.Generalisations - “It happened before therefore” acknowledge this is now a different time and circumstance. What would you do differently this time?

4.Rigidity - “They should “ “I must” “It shouldn’t be like this” replace with words that imply choice e.g. “I could” “I want to” “I choose to” or with words that imply commitment e.g. “I am going to” “I will” “I am committed to...” 5.Jumping to conclusions - “I’m anxious therefore I can’t” replace with words that give you some freedom e.g. “I will have a go” “It doesn’t have to be perfect” 6.Discounting the positive – “But” “The problem is” replace with “And” “The solution is” “I acknowledge”

Barbara Fredrickson – The power of positive emotion

What makes great communication?

Communication – influencing with gravitas The power pose Authenticity Cultivate empathy Prepare Listen Breathing Use pauses

Human Behaviour: Cat or dog?

Dogs Agreeable - want to be liked Friendly, team player Prefer information gathering Highly competent but lack confidence Wary of power Great problem solvers – like detail Put up with bad behaviour or mistakes for a long time Highly loyal Cats Natural dreamer, inventors Enjoy change, challenge and new ideas Goal oriented – ‘big picture’ Only do things if they choose to Highly independent – prefer to work alone Competitive – enjoy power Impressed by hierarchy If motivated by own interest will be persistent and determined

Exercise

Preparing for a difficult conversation What do you need to say? Is there a middle ground? What is the key message you want to communicate? What is your intention for the conversation? How do you want them to feel? What do you want them to do? When is a good time to have the conversation? How much detail does the other prefer?

Be clear “I’d like to talk to you about X. When would be a good time?” “It doesn’t work for me...” “I’d appreciate it if...” Start with what you have in common “We both want to get this done on time, don’t we...” Understand they may not be aware there’s a problem “You may not be aware, but...” Ask questions instead of giving direct orders “Can we work out a way to sort this?” Talk about your own mistakes before alerting the other person to theirs “I’ve noticed I do X when you say Y” Let the other person save face “I’d appreciate that. Thank you” How to frame requests

AggressivePassivePassive aggressive Assertive Try to get what you want in way that works Hope you get what you want Ask for what you want with sarcasm or vitriol Ask for what you want directly and openly Put your needs first Put others’ needs first Pretend to put others’ needs first Balance yours / others’ needs Phrase requests as orders Avoid requests to keep the peace Avoid requests and sulk Phrase requests politely DominatingQuietSecretive/Indirectly hostile Open Hope you winHope you don’t fail Hope they failHope you both win

How to say ‘No’ assertively

Time management tips: The mayo clinic Plan each day Prioritise your tasks Say “no” to non essential tasks Delegate Take the time you need to do a good job Break large tasks into smaller tasks Practice the 10-minute rule Evaluate how you're spending your time Avoid multi-tasking, limit distractions Take a break when needed Build resilience

Energy management vs time management

Exercise: Nourish and deplete

Resilience; looking after yourself first Nutrition and hydration Sleep Social connections Humour Physical activity Relaxation practices Pausing - Mindfulness

Professor Mark Williams - Mindfulness

Mindful eating exercise

What will you do differently tomorrow?