Mark Young, Ph.D. Gonzaga University WCA Nov. 14, 2009

Founder & Key Concepts  Susan Johnson  Leslie Greenberg  EFT is collaborative combining Experimental and Rogerian techniques with Structural systemic interventions.

 EFT is based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of relationship distress and adult love.  These conceptualizations are supported by empirical research on the nature of marital distress and adult attachment.  Key moves and moments in the change process have been mapped into nine steps and three change events.

Goals of EFT  To expand and re-organize key emotional responses–the music of the attachment dance.  To create a shift in partners' interactional positions and develop new cycles of interaction.  To foster the creation of a secure bond between partners.

What is Attachment? …the capacity to form and maintain healthy emotional relationships which generally begin to develop in early childhood – Enduring bond with “special” person – Security & safety within context of this relationship – Includes soothing, comfort, & pleasure – Loss or threat of loss of special person results in distress

10 Central Tenets 1. Attachment is an innate motivating force 2. Secure dependency complements autonomy 3. Attachment offers a safe haven 4. Attachment offers a secure base 5. Accessibility and Responsiveness builds bonds

10 Central Tenets 6. Fear and uncertainty activate attachment needs 7. The process of separation distress is predictable 8. Finite number of insecure forms of engagement can be identified. 9. Attachment involves working models of self and others 10. Isolation and loss are inherently traumatizing

View of distress in EFT  Relationship distress is maintained by absorbing negative affect.  Affect reflects and primes rigid, constricted patterns of interaction.  Patterns make safe emotional engagement difficult and create insecure bonding.

View of Distress  Rigid repetitive interactional patterns:  No exits – no detours/ repair impossible  Rigid narrow positions – fight/flight/freeze  Most common patterns  Criticize, complain, express contempt  Defend, distance, stonewall Results: self reinforcing cycles or reactivity/self protective strategies (individual safety first)

 Partners cannot attune to one another because they are so absorbed in their own negative affect  Cannot communicate because of their own state.  Gottman 1979 – absorbing states of negative affect: everything leads in, nothing leads out.

Research  70 – 73% recovery rate in sessions.  Results stable – even under high stress.  Depression significantly reduced.  Variety of populations and settings.  Best predictor of success – female faith in partner’s caring (Not initial distress level).

Principles & Concepts  Looks within at how partners construct their emotional experience of relatedness  Looks between at how partners engage each other.

Focus of EFT: The 4 P’s  Experiential  Present  Primary Affect  Systemic  Process (time)  Positions / Patterns  The counselor is a process consultant

4 P’s  Present experience  Deal with the past when it comes into the present to validate client’s responses as it relates to how they coped/survived  When emotion is re-experienced it is now in the present  Focus is on current positions/patterns  Don’t ask “why”, focus on what is.

4 P’s  Primary emotions  Validating and moving from secondary to primary emotions  Stay with emotions, create safe haven  Organize the emotion of a past experience so that client can engage in the here & now

Common Underlying Emotions of the Withdrawers and Pursuers  Rejected  Inadequate  Afraid of failure  Overwhelmed  Numb – frozen  Afraid – scared  Not wanted or desired  Judged, criticized  Hurt  Alone  Not wanted  Invisible  Isolated/disconnected  Not important  Abandoned  Desperate

Emotion frequently leads to secondary emotional responses – for example: Anger often leads to:Asserting, defending Sadness often leads to:Seeking support, withdrawing Surprise/Excitement often leads to:Attending, exploring Disgust/Shame often leads to:Hiding, expelling, avoiding Fear often leads to:Fleeing, freezing, giving up Joy often leads to:Connecting, engaging

A. Primary Emotions are the deeper, more vulnerable emotions such as sadness, hurt, fear, shame, and loneliness. B. Secondary Emotions are the more reactive emotions such as anger, jealousy, resentment, and frustration. They occur as a reaction to the primary emotions. C. Primary emotions generally draw partners closer. Secondary emotions tend to push partners away.

4 P’s  Process patterns  Look individually how each person is processing in the moment  “What happens…then what…then what”  Positions  The position each partner is taking in the relationship  Work to create new position & new patterns

Stages & Steps  Stage 1: De-escalation  Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond  Stage 3: Consolidation

Stage 1: De-escalation  Identify negative cycle / attachment issues  Access underlying attachment emotions  Frame problem – cycle, attachment needs/fears

Stage 1: De-escalation  Step 1: Identify the relational conflict issues between partners. Creating an alliance & delineating conflicts in core struggle.  Step 2: Identify negative interaction cycle  Step 3: Access unacknowledged emotions underlying positions in cycle  Step 4: Reframe problem in terms of the cycle, underlying emotions, and attachment needs.

Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond  Access implicit needs, fears, models of self  Promote acceptance of others – expand the dance  Structure emotional engagement – express attachment needs

Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond  Step 5: Promote partner’s identification with disowned attachment needs and aspects of self – integrate into relationship interactions  Step 6: Promote acceptance by each partner of the other’s experience  Step 7: Facilitate expression of needs/wants to restructure interaction – create bonding events

Stage 3: Consolidation  New positions / cycles – enactments  New stories – of problems and repair  New solutions to pragmatic issues

Stage 3: Consolidation  Step 8: Facilitate emergence of new solutions to old problems  Step 9: Consolidate new positions and cycles of attachment behaviors

Skills for Emotional Engagement R-I-S-S-S-C R: The therapist intentionally REPEATS key words and phrases for emphasis. I: Therapist uses IMAGES or word pictures that evoke emotions more than abstract labels tend to do. S: Therapist frames responses to clients in SIMPLE and concise phrases.

 R-I-S-S-S-C S: Therapist will SLOW the process of the session and the pace of her speech to enable deepening of emotional experience S: Therapist will use SOFT and soothing tone of voice to encourage a client to deepen experience. C: Therapist uses CLIENT words and phrases in a supportive/validating way.

Overview of Process 1. Develop an alliance, identify cycle, identify and access underlying emotions, and work to deescalate 2. Engage the withdrawer 3. Soften the pursuer/blamer 4. Create new emotional bonding events and new cycles of interaction 5. Consolidate new cycles of trust, connection and safety, and apply them to old problems that may still be relevant

holdmetight.net