1. Attachment Theory Adult Attachment Secure Comfortable in relationships Able to seek support from partner Dismissing Greater sense of autonomy Tend to cut themselves off emotionally from partner Preoccupied Fears rejection from partner Strong desire to maintain closeness Childhood Attachment Secure Distress when mother leaves Greets mother when she returns Avoidant Does not seek mother when she returns Focuses on environment Ambivalent/Resistant Very upset at departure Explores very little

2. But babies are born with different temperaments Some children are easier to parent than others Thus, the quality of care they receive might be based on the child’s personality But temperament has only a moderate effect on parenting/care (Vaughn & Bost, 1999)

3. Experience seem to play a large role in determining the styles we bring to relationships Mothers’ attachment styles predict the attachment style of their babies with 75% accuracy before they are even born – it is argued that babies come to share their style (Fonagy, Steele, & Steele, 1991) The parenting adolescents receive as 7 th graders predicts how they will behave in their own romances when they are young adults (Conger, Cui, Bryant, & Elder, 2000)

4. Attachment stability Attachment styles tend to be stable and long- lasting May lead people to create new relationships that reinforce existing tendencies (Scharfe & Bartholomew, 1997) E.g. Avoidant people may never learn that people can be trusted

5. But attachment styles can change A bad breakup can make a formerly secure person insecure A good relationship can make an avoidant person less so (Kirkpatrick & Hazan, 1994) As many as 1/3 of us may encounter a real change in our attachment styles over a two year period (Fuller & Fincham, 1995)

6. Relationship functioning Secure individuals tend to be more trusting, committed, and satisfied than insecure individuals (Simpson, 1990) They experienced more positive emotions than negative There are also differences in the ways in which these couples respond to interpersonal distress

7. Attachment Activation Role of conflict Partner availability Partner perceived as available Partner perceived as unavailable Primary strategy (secure attachment) Secondary strategy (insecure attachment) Proximity seeking as viable or non-viable

8. Secondary Strategies Preoccupied attachments Hyperactivating strategies Hypervigilant attention to one’s partner Rapidly detect disapproval, rejection Intensify negative emotional responses Dismissing attachments Deactivating strategies Active inattention to threatening aspects of the relationship Increased self-reliance

9. Expression and Regulation of Negative Affect Communication of attachment-figure unavailability Consistent rejection Criticism and hostility Specific predictions about the types of behaviors individuals might exhibit

10. Secure: express themselves calmly and seek comfort and support from their partners in a constructive fashion Dismissing: tend to withdraw from their partners; may become hostile Preoccupied: tend to become excessively anxious and fretful (Simpson, Rholes, & Nelligan, 1992)

11. Perceptions Secure individuals are more likely to make relationship-enhancing attributions (Collins, 1996) They are more likely than insecure people to remember positive past events (Miller & Noirot, 1999) More likely to remain open to new information when they judge their partners (Mikulincer, 1997) Insecure people tend to rely on existing beliefs and assumptions

12. Secure people tend to understand their partners better than insecure people (Mikulincer, Orbach, & Iavnieli, 1998) Preoccupied individuals tend to overestimate how much they have in common with their partners Preoccupied people are also good at guessing their partner’s feelings when it may be costly to them E.g. when looking at pictures of attractive potential partners

13. Attachment and jealousy Preoccupied individuals seek closeness but also may be chronically worried about their partners returning that love Preoccupied individuals do experience more jealousy than the other attachment styles (Buunk, 1997) Secure people are also fearful when a valued relationship is imperiled Dismissing individuals don’t tend to worry about being abandoned