“How To Have A Happy Marriage” “The Tie That Binds” There is a lot of truth in this human adage. If you are not yet married, but contemplating such, you might be interested in how to avoid certain problems which have plagued so many marriages that you are familiar with, leaving them in the shambles of divorce. Or perhaps you are married and from experience value any wisdom that gives an ounce of prevention to major disasters in your marital life. No, I am not talking about the jokester wisdom that warns the man in the house that in a marital argument you can be either be right or happy but not both. . .before you pull this joke on your wife, realize that "it is not good for a soul to be without knowledge. . ."! We want to focus on the family, that oldest institution of man that God had designed and given to our first parents: Adam and Eve. It is the family relationship that can have an impact on nearly any other relationship or endeavor in life: workplace, school, government, business, etc. I am here to tell you that an honorable marriage can lie prey to the world. At times it is like being in the ocean and there is always someone around to help you down and let you drown. There are slick and sly men that are around to help you drown to take your wife away. There are immoral women around to help your marriage drown. There are evil philosophies of men devoid of truth, created by men who have more dollars than “sense” who give foolish counsel to bring your marriage down to shipwreck. It is sobering. “How To Have A Happy Marriage”

“How To Have A Happy Marriage” “The Tie That Binds” Threatened By The World By Ungodly Associates By Ungodly Attitudes There is a lot of truth in this human adage. If you are not yet married, but contemplating such, you might be interested in how to avoid certain problems which have plagued so many marriages that you are familiar with, leaving them in the shambles of divorce. Or perhaps you are married and from experience value any wisdom that gives an ounce of prevention to major disasters in your marital life. No, I am not talking about the jokester wisdom that warns the man in the house that in a marital argument you can be either be right or happy but not both. . .before you pull this joke on your wife, realize that "it is not good for a soul to be without knowledge. . ."! We want to focus on the family, that oldest institution of man that God had designed and given to our first parents: Adam and Eve. It is the family relationship that can have an impact on nearly any other relationship or endeavor in life: workplace, school, government, business, etc. I am here to tell you that an honorable marriage can lie prey to the world. At times it is like being in the ocean and there is always someone around to help you down and let you drown. There are slick and sly men that are around to help you drown to take your wife away. There are immoral women around to help your marriage drown. There are evil philosophies of men devoid of truth, created by men who have more dollars than “sense” who give foolish counsel to bring your marriage down to shipwreck. It is sobering. “How To Have A Happy Marriage”

Marriage Myths Expecting spouse to be the perfect person (Looks? Personality? Smart? Etc.) I will change him/her - My spouse MUST make me happy all the time - Good marriages are simply a matter of luck – [CLICK] There is no such person. There was one perfect person and He died and was never married – Jesus. Those who wait for the perfect person are usually doing so for selfish reasons. They want someone who will always respond the right way, someone who will always treat them perfect. The fact is, none of us here have always treated our spouse perfectly, we have not always responded in the perfect way. What we ought to do is build a marriage around “forbearance” where we will be gracious to one another and not get our feelings hurt every time that something is not said or done in the most perfect way. “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,” (Eph. 4:2). [CLICK] “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30) [CLICK] Good marriages are caused by work, NOT LUCK. . .work on the part of both the husband and wife. There is no good government by accident; there is no good church by accident, and there is not good marriage by accident. People may try to shift the blame of a failed marriage to circumstances (financial, too young, etc.) but the real problem is that those in the marriage reacted the wrong way to the circumstances that befell them. Prov. 25:15, “By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, And a gentle tongue breaks a bone.” Sometimes it is hard to actually employ forbearance and gentleness of speech. “17 As he loved cursing, so let it come to him; As he did not delight in blessing, so let it be far from him. 18 As he clothed himself with cursing as with his garment, So let it enter his body like water, And like oil into his bones” (Psalm. 109:17, 18). Good marriages are not a matter of luck, but are a matter of where people learned marital skills and built up their marriage rather than neglected it.

Genesis 2:18-24 (NKJV) 18 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." . . . 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Malachi 2:14-16 (NKJV) 14 Yet you say, "For what reason Malachi 2:14-16 (NKJV) 14 Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 "For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously." Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Matthew 19:3-6 (NKJV) 3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" 4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Romans 7:2-3 (NKJV) 2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NKJV) 10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 7:27 (NKJV) 27 Are you bound to a wife 1 Corinthians 7:27 (NKJV) 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 1 Corinthians 7:39 (NKJV) 39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

The Purpose of Marriage Companionship - (Gen. 2:18; Prov. 2:17; Mal. 2:14; 1 Pet. 3:7) Happiness – (Prov. 5:18) To Prevent Sexual Immorality – (1 Cor. 7:2-5; Prov. 5:19; Heb. 13:4) Godly Families - (Mal. 2:15) Pr 2:17 — Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God. Mal 2:14 — Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Mk 10:9 — Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Ro 7:2 — For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 1Co 7:10-14 — Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. Eph 5:28 — So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Heb 13:4 — Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

The Biblical Standard Defined Ephesians 5:21-31 (NKJV) 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Wives Submit Husbands Give

The Biblical Standard Defined Ephesians 5:21-31 (NKJV) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. . . . Wives Submit Husbands Give

The Biblical Standard Defined Ephesians 5:21-31 (NKJV) . . . 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Wives Submit Husbands Give

A Happy And Successful Marriage . . .is not determined by the perfection of your partner, but the level of YOUR COMMITMENT to them and the Lord.

The Cost of Commitment “. . .for better or worse. . .”? (Luke 14:28, NKJV) “. . .for better or worse. . .”? Spouse paralyzed? Bad accident and disfigured? Sickness? Weight gain? Job loss? / Financial Problems? Marriage problems? Getting older? Jesus is not concerned with building physical towers in this passage but it is embedded in the context of commitment to him. I am asking you if you have counted the cost of the marital commitment? [CLICK] Have you counted the cost of “better or worse?” There is a difference with "falling in love" and "committed love." Those who fall in love can just as easily "fall out of love." "Falling in love" is falling in lust, it is based upon appearance or some social or emotional connection. But those who "commit to love" will continue to love when the good appearance fails, they will continue to build up the love if there is an emotional disconnection. They will not run away from their spouse when he falls into a pitfall.

The Preservation of Marriage Marriage Is About “Another!” Commitment - Communication – Control Self – Consideration – Compromise – Contentment – Carry Your Load - Marriage Is About “Another!”

The Preservation of Marriage Marriage Is About “Another!” Golden Rule - (Mt. 7:12) Respect & submit - (Eph. 5:33, 1 Tim. 3:11) Do not be idle - (Prov. 31:27) Use example over your tongue to persuade - (1 Pet. 3:1) Marriage Is About “Another!”

The Preservation of Marriage Marriage Is About “Another!” Bring happiness - (Deut. 24:5) Understand - (1 Pet. 3:7) Private time - (Prov. 5:18) Find, do, talk about things that bring joy - (Eccl. 9:9) Love each other - (Eph. 5:25; Titus 2:4) Marriage Is About “Another!”

The Preservation of Marriage Marriage Is About “Another!” The Rule of Protection - (Guard against anything that weakens relationship) The Rule of Care - (Provide emotional support) The Rule of Time - (Undivided attention) The rule of Honesty - (Historic, emotional, current, future) Marriage Is About “Another!”

Red Flags Enjoying spending time with others over spouse Looking for excuses to stay away from the home Easily distracted when spouse talks Faultfinding, easily irritated Overly critical of spouse to others Inability to talk, discuss things Resentment / anger towards spouse Rarely if ever laugh together No respect in the relationship Arguing over dead issues “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house, Lest he become weary of you and hate you” (Pr. 25:17).

Problem Wife Husband Problem Husband Wife

“The Tie That Binds” Problems will come!

Agree beforehand that divorce is not going to be the answer! “The Tie That Binds” Agree beforehand that divorce is not going to be the answer!

“The Tie That Binds” Divorce will not come! Only Happiness & Success As long as the Lord’s will is respected by both parties – Divorce will not come! Only Happiness & Success

Marriage Is A Divine Institution and is Governed By The Laws Of God – Marriage Is Intended To Be A Life-Long Union Between One Man and One Woman - God Hates Divorce - Remarriage For Any and All Parties is Adultery, (Except for the innocent Party having put Their spouse away because of fornication). (Mat. 5:31,32; 19:9) Serving God In Our Marriage Means That We Become The Husbands & Wives God Tells Us to Become.

Charts by Don McClain Prepared February 3-5, 2010 Preached February 7, 2010 West 65th Street church of Christ Little Rock AR 72209 501-568-1062 Prepared using PPT 2010 Beta Email – donmcclain@sbcglobal.net Note – Many of the transition effects used in this presentation are lost using PPT 2007 Viewer To view transitions you can download Office 2010 Beta for free: http://www.microsoft.com/office/2010/en/default.aspx