Inviting Family Partnerships Working together to support children’s development

Family Partnerships? Working with parents for the good of children Developing the value of the center as a resource for families Fulfilling your mission of making a lasting difference in the community

Why? The center can’t do it alone: parents are key Children whose parents are engaged in their development develop better Parents don’t become engaged automatically – building partnership is up to YOU

Who Is This “You”? Everyone at the center is included Everyone at the center is responsible Everyone at the center sends a message… …the essential thing is what that message is!

What you do and how you do it make all the difference for parents and families

This Is What We’re About What it takes to get parents engaged Why inviting parents is part of what you do Tips for inviting parents Creating your own invitational action plan

How Do Parents View Your Center Now? Do they see your center only as a convenience? Do they see themselves only as consumers? Do they see you as just an employee? Do they see you as a critic?

How Do YOU View Your Center Now? Do you see your center as just day care? Do you believe you work only with children? Do you see parents only as moms and dads? Do you see yourself as the one who knows best?

To engage parents as partners in children’s development, we must change their ideas… and maybe change our own

What Are You Thinking?

Making Engagement Possible Families come to us with some beliefs about themselves, their children… and about us Understanding these beliefs helps us help families Understanding these beliefs help us understand ourselves too

Role-Based Ideas That Affect Engagement No childcare should be “just day care” Parent and staff roles overlap Partnership requires valuing and respect Success of a whole family  success of a child

But… there are also personal ideas that get in the way…

Personal Ideas That Affect Engagement Trait or Mastery orientation Fear or Hope motivation Good and bad Possible Selves

Trait or Mastery Orientation? Trait orientation: – “I’ve always been this way” – “This is how I am” Mastery orientation: – “This has been my experience” – “I suppose I could change”

For example… Trait Orientation I’m not good at that I can’t do that I don’t like doing that Mastery Orientation I ‘m not good at that yet I can’t do that yet I haven’t learned to like that yet

Stop And Think… Do you lean toward a Trait Orientation or a Mastery Orientation?

Fear or Hope Motivation? Fear motivation: – “If I tried that, bad things could happen.” – “I want to do things the way I’ve always done” Hope motivation: – “If I tried that, good things could happen” – “I want to do things that will make a difference”

For example… Fear Motivation I might do it wrong I might mess things up I don’t want to stand out Hope Motivation I might be successful I might make a difference I want to take a chance

Stop And Think… Do you tend to be motivated by Fear or by Hope?

Also… we are guided by Possible Selves. We also think of our children’s Possible Selves.

Good and Not-so-good Possible Selves Good possibilities – My child could be a good student – I might become a change-maker in my community Limiting possibilities – My child could struggle in school like I did – I might never be happy

Where Do We Get Our Possible Selves? From our family history From what’s happened to others we know From what we’ve heard about on TV From our own secret hopes and fears

Stop And Think… How do your own Possible Selves and ones you imagine for your children influence what you decide to do?

Parents come to us with a lot of ideas that might get in the way of being fully engaged in their children’s development.

Parents’ Limiting Ideas “My family is stuck with who we are” “If we try to change bad things will happen” “I don’t want you to know who I really am” “Nothing at child care matters very much” “People at the center don’t really care”

Our success in engaging parents in partnership depends on our ability to overcome limiting beliefs.

What Are You Thinking?

Our job is to invite parents to think differently.

I don’t mean “invite” like “invite to a party” I mean feeling welcomed. When did you feel truly welcomed?

Dis-Inviting Inviting

In what way is your center inviting to parents? How is it dis-inviting?

Sending Inviting Messages Smiling Listening Including everybody Respecting cultural and personal differences Offering guidance and support (avoiding prescriptions and arguments) Staying flexible

Inadvertent Dis-invitations Schedules that exclude some families Signs and messages that are discourteous Activities ignore cultural/personal differences Worn or outdated or dirty surroundings Rules administered punitively

Think of your own center…

Intentionally Invitational Some of us are intentionally dis-inviting Some of us are unintentionally dis-inviting Some of us are unintentionally inviting More of us could be more intentionally inviting

How Can We Send Invitations? What can happen tomorrow that would be viewed by parents and families as more invitational?

Five Ways Invitations Are Made* People – what people do and say Places – how places look, smell, sound, feel Processes – how things are done Policies – how what is done is worded Programs – what we can do together *And dis-invitations too!

Put This Into A Star PeoplePlacesProcessesPoliciesPrograms

What People Say And Do People PlacesProcessesPoliciesPrograms Courteous Inclusive Respectful Optimistic Accessible Cheerful Caring Fair

How Places Look… People Places ProcessesPoliciesPrograms Clean Uncluttered No odor Safe Quiet Right-sized Easy to find Welcoming

How Things Happen PeoplePlaces Processes PoliciesPrograms Processes exist Fair Consistent Uncomplicated Local Flexible Human-centered

How Processes Are Shared PeoplePlaces Processes Policies Programs Accessible to all Inclusive language Easy to read Easy to find Clear Flexible Human-centered

What We Do Together PeoplePlaces Processes Policies Programs Obvious value Open to everyone Asset-focused Fun Match the mission

Everyone Can Be Invitational Five Ways In what we do and say In how we maintain our spaces In how we make things happen In how we communicate the rules In what we decide to do with parents & kids

What Are You Thinking?

Where Were We…? It’s important to get parents engaged in children’s learning… BUT There may be role-based misconceptions There may be negative personal beliefs It’s everyone’s job to invite parents to think differently

What We Said About Invitations What we say and do can be inviting or not We can be invitational in five ways: – How we present ourselves – How things look and feel – How things are done – How the rules are communicated – What we do together with families

So… where are we going next? We will talk about barriers to sending and accepting invitations: parents’ barriers and YOUR barriers We will talk about taking action We will make a written plan…

Barriers to Sending Invitations There’s not enough time I’m not that nice I’m not confident enough Parents need direction (I need more control) It’s not my job Parents won’t accept my invitations anyway

I Don’t Have Time This is true: you don’t have time But nothing else you do is quite so important as making parents feel invited So… make time…

I’m Not That Nice Becoming more nice is worth the effort Notice when a judging thought creeps in Instead of giving advice, ask a question Instead of arguing, listen more Confirm the emotion parents seem to convey

I Don’t Feel Confident Your work is with adults as much as it is with children, because it is the family that’s key Remember that you and parents have similar hopes and fears Parents believe you are knowledgeable no matter how un-confident you feel

I Need More Control No one wants to be told what to do Parents are the only ones who know everything about their families Control sometimes suits our own convenience more than it helps the families we serve

It’s Not My Job Oh, yes, it is!

No One Will Care Why do we believe parents won’t accept our invitations? Why don’t parents accept our invitations?

It Might Take A While For Invitations To Work Why might that be?

Parents’ acceptance of our invitations is our problem. It’s up to us to figure out how to make being engaged in the center inviting.

What Are You Thinking?

Inviting Parents As Partners What can you do to engage parents?

Think About Your Center Are there signs, voic messages, bulletin boards that need changing? Are there policies and processes that dis- invite? Does the center need some freshening up?

Think About Your Role How can you interact with parents more? How can you make your interactions more inviting? How can you address each of the 5 Ways in your role?

Think About Invitations How can you extend invitations to parents who never get involved? How can you invite men as much as women? How can you encourage “problem parents” to become positively engaged?

Now is the time to create a plan

Need Some Inspiration?

Think About Parents What are parents’ concerns and wishes? Imagine what a great partnership might look like Write it down

Make It Happen Create a written plan with clear goals Set short timelines Decide how to tell if you’re making progress Get started and follow through Commit to success

What Did You Decide?

What Will You Do Today? Long-term goals are reached with small steps Set goals for today and this week Check to see how you’re doing today and this week

Keep Track Make it simple to measure progress Write down what happens Be curious!

This Is A Center-wide Effort Compare notes with other staff Invite each other to stay invitational Cheer everyone on!

What If…? What if… I feel silly? What if… I’m the only one at my center to try this? What if… parents ignore my invitations?

What If…?

Why Parents May Not Respond Distracted by survival needs Low expectations for success Afraid of change Feelings of dis-invitation

From This Day Forward Be unfailingly invitational Be patient: See this as a challenging game

Remember… Getting parents engaged is a goal all its own. If we can get parents engaged, children always will do better.

What Are You Thinking?

What Will You Do First?

Invite Yourself… … To be bigger and more important than you’ve been … To see more clearly what’s really going on for families at your center … To make a real and lasting difference in the lives of children

Invite Yourself… … to dream big

Keep in touch… PatriciaNanAndersonConsultantAndTrainer Thank you!