Managing Conflict & Strengthening Work Relationships Prepared For Montana State University January 2012 Suzanne McCorkle, Ph.D.

What happens when conflicts are not managed well? To the work group ? To the individual ?

Causes of Conflict Emotions Style Information Relationships Substance Values

Information Conflicts About data Misinformation Having different information Which data to use Not having enough information Withholding information

Emotion conflicts About feelings, ego, self-esteem, feelings of entitlement Arise when other conflicts get too ripe Lead to exceptionally narrow thinking Emotions short-circuit the ability to reason and to listen

Value conflicts About deeply rooted beliefs and feelings Religion, politics, work ethics In some ways, easiest to manage in work context

About who we are to each other Boss/subordinate, working relationships Who has what authority? Are we friends? Can co-workers, students/professors have deep relationships? Do we have the same goals about our relationship? Relationship conflicts

Substance conflicts About real or perceived scarce resources Money, time, space, equipment …. Amenable to regular problem solving once the issue is isolated

About how to do things, how to communicate, which way to act is best Common with strong personalities Frequent cause of annoyances Causes conflict when style difference is seen as obstruction Style conflicts

Quick Chat What about other people’s communication really irritates you?

When styles clash, conflict often results.

Common Style Differences Meeting management style Single-taskers vs. multi-taskers Verbal conversational style  Dialect  Rapport vs. Report  Pause Gap Personality style Conflict style  Escalators/Fractionators  General Conflict Style Cultural style

Collaborators Competitors Avoiders What’s Your Conflict Style?

What are the Problems with Relying on One Style? ????????

What is the First Response to Types of Conflict? Information Emotion Substantive Values Relationship Style

Check Perception Differences Perception is not objective

What do you see?

In Stress or Conflict….. People revert to their basic style. Make Self-Serving evaluations. “I am thoughtful; you take all day and can’t make a decision.”

Recognizing Perception Differences is a Skill

Perception Differences Cause Misunderstandings: Make Negotiation Harder Moral =

Quick Quiz: What’s Your Decision- Making Preference? Long Term Short Term Fact Gut By the Book Just Do It Slow Fast

What’s Your Work Preference? Social Task-Oriented Agenda Free-form Agreeable Argumentative Critical Creative

Mark Your Style of Expression Loud Soft-spoken Passionate Controlled Confront Indirect Say What You Think Concern for Other’s Feelings

Go back and mark the style of your boss (or a co-worker). Are there style differences? If unrecognized, do these differences make negotiation harder?

Quick Chat 1.Do you have a significant style difference with a boss or co-worker? 2.What can you do (mentally or in discussion with the other) to prevent the style difference from hindering work happiness, productivity, or making negotiations more difficult?

Smart Negotiation #2: Always Work From Interests 26 Positions and demands are on the Surface Interests or needs lurk under the waterline Working at the “position” level is inefficient and may harm relationships.

Conflict itself is normal. It is what we choose to do during conflict that leads to beneficial or harmful results.

Apply McCorle’s Three Laws of Humane Responses to People Problems

The First Law: Save Yourself

The Second Law Give the Other Person Every Chance Photo by MichaelMarcol

The Third Law Care About the Future More than The Past

For Further General Reading Personal Conflict Management: Theory and Practice (textbook) Edition: 1st Authors: McCorkle, Suzanne; Reese, Melanie J. ISBN10: ISBN13: Format: Paperback Pub. Date: 1/1/2010 Publisher: Allyn & BaconMcCorkle, Suzanne Reese, Melanie J. Available at your personal favorite on-line book purchasing site.