College 101 Colleen Heykoop Manager, Parent Relations Parent Orientation, 2008 Colleen Heykoop Manager, Parent Relations Parent Orientation, 2008

You know your student is really at college when… You no longer have a trail of debris from the kitchen through the family room to their bedroom. You no longer have a trail of debris from the kitchen through the family room to their bedroom. You don’t have to wait your turn for the family computer. You don’t have to wait your turn for the family computer. You pay their first tuition bill = buying car You pay their first tuition bill = buying car You realize your student has a whole new life that you can’t control. You realize your student has a whole new life that you can’t control. You no longer have a trail of debris from the kitchen through the family room to their bedroom. You no longer have a trail of debris from the kitchen through the family room to their bedroom. You don’t have to wait your turn for the family computer. You don’t have to wait your turn for the family computer. You pay their first tuition bill = buying car You pay their first tuition bill = buying car You realize your student has a whole new life that you can’t control. You realize your student has a whole new life that you can’t control.

Parenting a college student “Parents whose kids are away at college have a tough tightrope to walk; they naturally want to stay connected to their children, yet they also need to let go. What’s more, kids often send mixed messages: they crave space, but they rely on their parents’ advice and assistance.

Not surprisingly, it’s hard to know when it’s appropriate to get involved in your child’s life and when it’s better to back off.” -Marjorie Savage “You’re on Your Own (but I’m here if you need me)” Not surprisingly, it’s hard to know when it’s appropriate to get involved in your child’s life and when it’s better to back off.” -Marjorie Savage “You’re on Your Own (but I’m here if you need me)”

Changes in Parent’s Role Mentor Mentor Become a trusted Advisor Become a trusted Advisor Assist in making wise decisions as they become an adult Assist in making wise decisions as they become an adult Mentor Mentor Become a trusted Advisor Become a trusted Advisor Assist in making wise decisions as they become an adult Assist in making wise decisions as they become an adult Cheerleader Cheerleader Your role is on the sidelines Your role is on the sidelines You support their achievements You support their achievements Encourage them to keep going Encourage them to keep going Cheerleader Cheerleader Your role is on the sidelines Your role is on the sidelines You support their achievements You support their achievements Encourage them to keep going Encourage them to keep going

Changing Role  Changing Perspective Parents can help to clarify risks and benefits to choices Parents can help to clarify risks and benefits to choices Parents can give suggestions, but should avoid telling their student what to do Parents can give suggestions, but should avoid telling their student what to do Parents can help to clarify risks and benefits to choices Parents can help to clarify risks and benefits to choices Parents can give suggestions, but should avoid telling their student what to do Parents can give suggestions, but should avoid telling their student what to do Redefine what a “Good Year” means Redefine what a “Good Year” means Not just good grades Not just good grades Depth of relationships Depth of relationships Degree of engagement Degree of engagement Redefine what a “Good Year” means Redefine what a “Good Year” means Not just good grades Not just good grades Depth of relationships Depth of relationships Degree of engagement Degree of engagement Students make the choices and parents don’t always get to be involved Students make the choices and parents don’t always get to be involved

Changes in Perspective Education is not an event, but a process Education is not an event, but a process It’s not just about solving problems but becoming competent It’s not just about solving problems but becoming competent Students learn by figuring it out for themselves Students learn by figuring it out for themselves Education is not an event, but a process Education is not an event, but a process It’s not just about solving problems but becoming competent It’s not just about solving problems but becoming competent Students learn by figuring it out for themselves Students learn by figuring it out for themselves Definition of success broadens to include teamwork Definition of success broadens to include teamwork Learning how to cooperate Learning how to cooperate Learning how to compromise Learning how to compromise Definition of success broadens to include teamwork Definition of success broadens to include teamwork Learning how to cooperate Learning how to cooperate Learning how to compromise Learning how to compromise

Changes in Perspective Look beyond their past accomplishments Look beyond their past accomplishments Allow your student to reinvent themselves and try new things Allow your student to reinvent themselves and try new things Look beyond their past accomplishments Look beyond their past accomplishments Allow your student to reinvent themselves and try new things Allow your student to reinvent themselves and try new things Students need the opportunity to explore their vision Students need the opportunity to explore their vision

Social and Emotional Transitions during the first year August & September: Excitement & anxiety; Making new friends; Exploring new freedoms August & September: Excitement & anxiety; Making new friends; Exploring new freedoms October: Time management; Midterms; Homesickness October: Time management; Midterms; Homesickness November & December: Excitement about holidays; Finals & Projects November & December: Excitement about holidays; Finals & Projects First Visit Home: Everything’s different! First Visit Home: Everything’s different! August & September: Excitement & anxiety; Making new friends; Exploring new freedoms August & September: Excitement & anxiety; Making new friends; Exploring new freedoms October: Time management; Midterms; Homesickness October: Time management; Midterms; Homesickness November & December: Excitement about holidays; Finals & Projects November & December: Excitement about holidays; Finals & Projects First Visit Home: Everything’s different! First Visit Home: Everything’s different!

Transitions January: Leaving home again; Readjusting to campus life January: Leaving home again; Readjusting to campus life February & March: Academic questions; Plans for Easter Break; Leadership options for the Fall February & March: Academic questions; Plans for Easter Break; Leadership options for the Fall April: Easter Break; Summer plans; Final projects April: Easter Break; Summer plans; Final projects May: Finals & Projects; Missing friends; Packing to move out May: Finals & Projects; Missing friends; Packing to move out January: Leaving home again; Readjusting to campus life January: Leaving home again; Readjusting to campus life February & March: Academic questions; Plans for Easter Break; Leadership options for the Fall February & March: Academic questions; Plans for Easter Break; Leadership options for the Fall April: Easter Break; Summer plans; Final projects April: Easter Break; Summer plans; Final projects May: Finals & Projects; Missing friends; Packing to move out May: Finals & Projects; Missing friends; Packing to move out

Tips for Parents Allow your student to “vent” in a safe place Allow your student to “vent” in a safe place Remember you’re transitioning too Remember you’re transitioning too Allow your student to “vent” in a safe place Allow your student to “vent” in a safe place Remember you’re transitioning too Remember you’re transitioning too Talk things over with your student before jumping to conclusions Talk things over with your student before jumping to conclusions Developing new friendships is hard work Developing new friendships is hard work Talk things over with your student before jumping to conclusions Talk things over with your student before jumping to conclusions Developing new friendships is hard work Developing new friendships is hard work

Tips for Parents Don’t panic if your student is having a difficult time Don’t panic if your student is having a difficult time Come to Parent Weekend Come to Parent Weekend Be mindful of how often your student comes home – do they talk about activities on campus? Be mindful of how often your student comes home – do they talk about activities on campus? Your student can do amazing things, if you just let them! Your student can do amazing things, if you just let them! Don’t panic if your student is having a difficult time Don’t panic if your student is having a difficult time Come to Parent Weekend Come to Parent Weekend Be mindful of how often your student comes home – do they talk about activities on campus? Be mindful of how often your student comes home – do they talk about activities on campus? Your student can do amazing things, if you just let them! Your student can do amazing things, if you just let them!

Questions or Concerns? Just call Parent Relations BIOLA BIOLA