The Cost of Conflict: Lessons from Randy Moss © Tom Esch Jan 12, 2012

What did it cost Moss? Verbal abuse on airplane= $15,000 Squirting official with water = $25,000 Knocking down cop in Mpls = $50,000 Mooning Packer fans….

PRICELESS!!

How does conflict impact your work as analysts? What are the things that get in the way of efficiency & producivity?

Examples of things that get in your way Need not be related to Randy Moss…

Conflict has many faces Smart people not communicating well Business and Technical analysts who do not speak the same language Interpersonal differences Resistance to change Reluctance to share information

What is the impact on you of not-yet managed conflict? Stress Unhappiness Health issues Work not done

What are the not-yet- resolved issues costing you?

And what can you do about it for yourself & others? To lower costs To improve workplace happiness To become better business analysts

Look to Randy Moss: Your Teacher

Moss says/does things that cause conflict “I’m gonna say what I wanna say.… do what I wanna do… play what I wanna play.” “I don’t shine shoes. I don’t tape ankles. I don’t cut checks.”

What Does Moss Teach Conflict? His life illustrates the cost of not working things out.

Yes Grasshopper Mr. Moss is your teacher #1 E motional IQ #2 S low down #3 P ause & Turn E.S.P.

#1 Emotional IQ: Grow It! especially with how you use your RANK

Emotional Intelligence… is super important in business & life contributes to conflict prevention is what you’ll need a lot of if you have not been able to prevent conflict And…..is related to rank

What is RANK? Rank is related to emotional intelligence and privilege Rank is the “sum of a person’s privileges.” Dr. Arnold Mindell Rank is “like a drug” (it can make us numb to feelings, which is potentially dangerous to relationships)

Two Types of Rank INNER: emotional intelligence determined in part by how we respond to life’s challenges (Moss has lower inner rank) OUTER: is determined by the professional, social or cultural context (Moss has high outer rank)

Qualities of Rank The more rank a person has, the less aware they tend to be “If people are mad at you think of rank.” Dr. Jan Dworkin It is possible to use rank well, to use our power/privilege in a way that prevents conflict

When it feels good we want more of it.

High Rank: It Just Feels Good

Signs of High Rank Saying/doing irritating things Interrupting others Saying “no” easily Ignoring requests

“You Don’t Care…” Ignoring requests is a sign you are misusing your high rank.

Signs of Low Rank Feeling uncomfortable, afraid or angry Lacking confidence Getting interrupted Struggling to say “no”

Sometimes we can tell who has high rank…

…sometimes we can’t.

But we can always take a look at our own rank…

Rank: How intelligent use of rank lowers the cost of conflict Come to the my next seminar: “Tools to Lower Your Cost of Conflict” Details will be ed to those who want know more.

Lesson #2 SLOW DOWN... when Things Get Hot Sometimes the best receivers know when to slow down in order to score.

Heat speeds things up In nature and in human relationships To cool it off, calm yourself down You can’t usually calm the other down, especially if you are part of the problem—try it only if you like taking risks

#2 How to SLOW it down Slow down vs. calm down Catch the signals before things get too hot Use a four letter word: say “ouch” in a language that fits your culture The dying engineer

Lesson #3 Know when to PAUSE… …& go another direction

#3 When to PAUSE & go another direction? You feel righteous or angry You want to send an you know you should not For more attend …

SUMMARY: Lower Your Cost of Conflict by Practicing E.S.P. #1 Emotional IQ #2 Slow down #3 Pause

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Thank you IIBA! Comments & Questions Tom Esch’s next event: “Tools to Lower Your Costs of Conflict” Details coming soon… See for morewww.CreatingResolution.com