1 Volunteer Chaplain Training Creating Understanding Module Four © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

2 What is Understanding? Good understanding involves: –Observing –Listening –Feeling –Sensing © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

3 What is Understanding? Characteristics of good understanding –Being aware of how the other person communicates –Using your impressions –Avoiding imposing your own issues on the other person –Not assuming anything © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

4 Creating Understanding Look for the signals –Invitations to intrude –Watch out for your own anxiety –Understanding the Story is the heart of primary pastoral care –Remember the difference –Primary pastoral care –Pastoral counseling –Story listening is pre-counseling ministry –Don't race ahead –Avoid fixing it –Jumping to solutions is superficial © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

5 Listening to the Story Story Listening Story Teller Story Listener ? Resolution Situation © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

6 Listening to the Story Effective story listening –Let the story teller set the pace –No need to ask for more information –Story teller will give enough information if you use good listening skills –Help with hesitation –Anticipate –Encourage –Allow change of subjects Usually means you missed it © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

7 Listening to the Story Message Heard Message Sent Message Confirmed Message Repeated Back Good Communication © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

8 Listening to the Story Effective story listening –Is a caring ministry –Is hard work –Requires caring enough to do so –Involves empathy, not taking responsibility for their problems © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

9 The Ministry of Presence Job’s Three Friends –“Came to sympathize and to comfort him” –When they saw him in his misery, the wept and mourned with him –Then they sat with him for seven days & nights Not speaking a word “The saw his pain was very great” –Then they opened their mouths © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit. The basic idea for this example came from: Hume, William E. Pastoral Care & Counseling: Using the Unique Resources of Christian Tradition, Ausburg Press, 1981.

10 The Ministry of Presence Job’s Three Friends –Eliphaz the Temanite Hey, stuff happens; get over it Besides, you must have done something to deserve this--you must have sinned in someway. –Bildad the Shuhite If you would just repent, then God will take away the suffering –Zophar the Naamathite This was just God’s will © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

11 The Ministry of Presence The Fourth Friend of Job –Comes to sympathize and comfort –Sits seven days & nights Does not even a word “See the pain was very great” –Ministry of presence © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

12 The Ministry of Presence All I did... was just be with them © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit. Read Case #1 Page 1 of the Case Handout

13 The Ministry of Presence What a big “ALL” © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit.

14 Creating Understanding Case Study –Do the case in the case study appendix –Read and follow the directions –Do the exercises –We will discuss these in the session Read Case #5 Page 6 of the Case Handout © Copyright 2001 Al Henager. Use only with written permission and with proper credit. NOTE: I had problems securing copyright release for the case I use here. I am developing a new one.