AVOIDING WORDINESS! Material from the Bedford Handbook

What is a wordy sentence?  A long sentence is not necessarily wordy.  A short sentence is not necessarily concise. “ A sentence is wordy if it can be tightened without loss of meaning” (Bedford handbook, p.206)

Eliminate Redundancies Redundancies are important in speech, but distracting in writing.  “Twenty-somethings are often thought of or stereotyped as apathetic.”  “Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist”  “Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name on a napkin”  “Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight.”

Avoid unnecessary repetition of words Repetition can add unity and emphasis (e.g., for parallelism), but unnecessary repetition is awkward:  “Our fifth patient, in room 6, is a mentally ill patient.”  “The best teachers help each student to become a better student both academically and emotionally.”

Cut out empty and inflated phrases!  An “empty” phrase is one that can be eliminated with little or no loss of meaning (e.g., “in my opinion” and “it seems that”).  An “inflated” phrase is a long phrase that can just as easily be stated in 1-2 words.

Examples of inflated phrases InflatedConcise Along the lines of/in the nature of As a matter of fact At all times At the present time/at this point in time By means of For the purpose of Because of the fact that/by virtue of the fact that/due to the fact that/in light of the fact that Like In fact Always now/currently By For Because

Simplify the structure (part 1) If the structure is “needlessly indirect” try to simplify it. Words like “is/are/was” and “there is/are” often generate extra words.  “Sally is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets.” Strengthen verbs  “There is another module that tells the story of Charles Darwin.”

Simplify the structure (Part 2) Use active voice if it expresses your meaning just as well  “All too often, athletes with marginal skills have been recruited by our coaches.” Reduce clauses  We took a side trip to Vermillion, which was the hometown of Sandra McCoy.  For her birthday she received a skirt made of silk.

Practice tightening the following sentences:  It is a fact that Adam Smith wanted to find a theory that would explain how the economic world functions.  Adam smith searched for a theory to explain how the economic world functions.  It seems that after many years of study and then years of writing, he published a book that was called The Wealth of Nations.  After many years of study and writing, he published The Wealth of Nations.

Practice tightening the following sentences:  This lengthy, protracted book had in the neighbourhood of a thousand pages, and those pages included a 63- page index.  This lengthy book had about a thousand pages, including a 63-page index.  The full and complete title of his book indicates the comprehensive, all-inclusive scope of the book: An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations.  The title of his book indicates its scope: An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations.

Practice tightening the following sentences:  Smith believed that there are certain, basic, essential economic laws in existence and that these laws work to the benefit of everyone if people “let the market alone.”  Smith believed that certain essential economic laws work to the benefit of everyone if people “let the market alone.”  He believed that something along the lines of an “invisible hand” guides economics.  He believed that an “invisible hand” guides economics.