USING COUNSELING SKILLS TO BECOME A MORE EFFECTIVE CORNELL REPRESENTATIVE PENELOPE CHICK AND JAY CARTER ’71 MEN ’72 From Empathy to Engagement

Our Goal To engage more alumni, parents and friends To do this, we need to overcome any objections to becoming more engaged

Engagement Opportunities Mentoring of students Mentoring of other alumni Speaking to alumni groups on areas of expertise/passion Speaking in Cornell classes Participating in panel discussions at events Participating in networking events for a specific topic (e.g. music, arts, technology) CAAAN Greek life or other advisor (to student run organizations) Parents opportunities – career services, Parents Fund Committee, Family Fellows

Some examples of objections/challenges: Difficult experiences while at Cornell Concerns or complaints about AA&D or other aspects of the university Negative admissions experiences with children/relatives Disagreements amongst volunteer leaders or with staff Finding the right engagement opportunity Managing expectations Too busy

Basic Counseling Skills A volunteer interaction can be a lot like a therapy session - it has a predictable rhythm with an introduction, information gathering, discussion and a conclusion.

Skill #1 - Active Listening Listen for meaning The listener says very little but conveys much interest The listener only speaks to find out if a statement (or two or twenty) has been correctly heard and understood

How do you convey active listening? Body language Facial expressions, body angle, proximity, placement of arms and legs, etc. Use minimal encouragers: “yes”, “tell me more”, “hmm”

Skill #2 – Open-Ended Questions Used to gather lots of information – you ask it with the intent of getting a long answer. Cannot be answered with a yes or no Examples: What stands out about your Cornell experience? Would you tell me more about that? What inspired you to give your time/talent to Cornell? What role does volunteerism play in your household? What do you hope to gain from this experience? What outcome are you hoping for? How does your family make philanthropic decisions?

Skill #3 – Closed Question Also used to gather specific information and can normally be answered with either a single word or a short phrase Examples: Would you like to be more involved as a Cornell volunteer? Can you see yourself in this volunteer role? Has this role been fulfilling for you? Have you ever attended reunion? Is your daughter enjoying her Cornell experience?

With questioning Remember to monitor the tone of your voice - in the same way that you monitor your body language. The person may not remember what was said, but they will remember how you made them feel!

Skill #4 - Paraphrasing Paraphrasing is restating what the speaker said. May be used to draw attention to a particular concern or to clarify. It is important to keep the original meaning but to present it in a new form. Examples: It sounds like you are concerned about some of the decisions that have been made by the Office of Alumni Affairs/College. You really hope that the university will continue to sponsor this type of event. Your experience as a class/club/college association volunteer has been very rewarding. It’s not clear to you how the College is using their annual fund dollars.

Skill #5 - Summarizing Summarizing is focusing on the main points of a conversation in order to highlight them. At the same time you are giving the “gist”, you are checking to see if you are accurate. Used less often than paraphrasing. Examples: Overall you seem very enthusiastic about your Cornell experience. Philanthropy/Participation/Volunteerism is very important to your family. You’d like me to follow up on these three things…

Skill #6 – Note-taking Note-taking is the practice of writing down pieces of information, often in a shorthand or messy manner. Ask permission and be discreet; maintain active listening. Example: Would you mind if I take some notes? I want to make sure I get all the details correct.

Role Play Choose one of these situations to role play with your partners (5 minute role play and then switch roles): 1. During the FHTR Awards dinner, an alumna tells you she is unhappy with the service she is receiving as a class/club/college/association volunteer 2. An alumna calls you to complain that her co-president is being uncooperative in planning an upcoming event 3. A volunteer considering joining a college advisory board questions the role of its board members. 4. You call an alumnus to ask if he would be able to speak at an upcoming event. You think from his tone of voice that something is wrong. 5. You call an alumnus to discuss a possible reunion gift and you discover he is still upset about a past negative admissions decision. 6. A volunteer tells you she is no longer interested in serving because there is no substance to her particular volunteer role.

PENELOPE CHICK DIRECTOR OF PARENTS PROGRAMS CORNELL UNIVERSITY JAY CARTER Thank you!