“War Photographer” Isolation CEL Critical Essay Feedback

Common Issues In your introduction, you need to refer more clearly to the essay question you are attempting to answer. Don’t just state that your evidence supports the point you are making – explain how it does so. Use the explanation section of each PCQE to link your ideas to the essay question. Make more use of linking vocabulary to connect the body paragraphs in your essays. “War Photographer” is a poem that explores the life of a war photographer. Be careful how you punctuate this.

Example 1 What is wrong with this introduction? War Photographer, by acclaimed poet Carol Ann Duffy, is an enticing piece of poetry in which she explores a multitude of issues such as conflict and social responsibility. Throughout this essay I will demonstrate how this poem explores the theme of war.

Example 2 It is clear that the editor of the newspaper the war photographer works for does not fully appreciate the pictures the photographer takes. This is evident in the final stanza of the poem, when the editor selects which photographs are to be published in the newspaper: “the editor will pick out five or six” Which example is a better way to continue this paragraph, and why? A) The word “pick” shows that the editor doesn’t really care about the content of the photographs – he is only interested in selecting pictures to go into the newspaper and doesn’t really mind which ones he uses. B) This shows that the editor doesn’t really care about the content of the photographs, as the choice of the word “pick” suggests the random, uncaring approach he has to selecting pictures for inclusion in the newspaper.

Example 3 It is clear that the editor of the newspaper the war photographer works for does not fully appreciate the pictures the photographer takes. This is evident in the final stanza of the poem, when the editor selects which photographs are to be published in the newspaper: “the editor will pick out five or six” Which example is a better way to continue this paragraph, and why? A) This shows that the editor doesn’t really care about the content of the photographs, as the choice of the word “pick” suggests the random, uncaring approach he has to selecting pictures for inclusion in the newspaper. This reinforces the isolated nature of the war photographer, as it is clear that even his own editor does not understand the significance of the photographs as much as the photographer does. B) This shows that the editor doesn’t really care about the content of the photographs, as the choice of the word “pick” suggests the random, uncaring approach he has to selecting pictures for inclusion in the newspaper. This is reinforced by the phrase “five or six”, which again suggests the editor’s casual attitude to selecting the photographs, as he doesn’t seem to care exactly how many he chooses.

Example 4 It is clear that the editor of the newspaper the war photographer works for does not fully appreciate the pictures the photographer takes. This is evident in the final stanza of the poem, when the editor selects which photographs are to be published in the newspaper: “the editor will pick out five or six” This shows that the editor doesn’t really care about the content of the photographs, as the choice of the word “pick” suggests the random, uncaring approach he has to selecting pictures for inclusion in the newspaper. This reinforces the isolated nature of the war photographer, as it is clear that even his own editor does not understand the significance of the photographs as much as the photographer does. Which sentence is a better start to the next paragraph of this essay, and why? A) As well as the editor failing to care as much about the contents of the pictures as the war photographer, it is clear that the readers of the newspaper in which the pictures are published are similarly uncaring. B) The readers of the newspaper in which the photographs are published do not care about these pictures as much as the war photographer does.

Linking your Paragraphs Any well-written piece of writing will flow as one continuous piece, despite being made up of three or four different arguments. One of the techniques which can help you to achieve this effectively is the use of linking vocabulary. These words are usually used at the beginning of a new paragraph but can also be used to link ideas within a paragraph. Here are some examples: To introduce a point: It would seem; Many people believe; There are those who feel; The modern thinker; Current opinion is; It seems; It would appear… Same line of thought: Firstly; Secondly; Furthermore; In addition; Likewise; Similarly; Also; Moreover… To emphasise a point: Indeed; Undoubtedly; Without doubt; Without question; It seems obvious; Of course; Unquestionably; Absolutely… To re-direct an argument: Despite this; Nevertheless; It would therefore seem; Conversely; Yet; On the other hand; However; Although; Otherwise; On the contrary… To conclude a point: Thus; Therefore; Consequently; Accordingly; Hence; In conclusion; In brief; As a result…

Common Issues “War Photographer” is a poem that explores the life of a war photographer. Be careful how you punctuate this. In your introduction, you need to refer more clearly to the essay question you are attempting to answer. Don’t just state that your evidence supports the point you are making – explain how it does so. Use the explanation section of each PCQE to link your ideas to the essay question. Make more use of linking vocabulary to connect the body paragraphs in your essays.