1 ‘A Recipe for Influence’ Kathleen Deal, J.D. Professional Speaker & Trainer Certified in Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Certified & Licensed in DISC Behavioral Styles Licensed Attorney ,

2 References Working Together Toward Conflict Resolution…, Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School, Negotiation Special Report #9 Working Together Toward Conflict Resolution…, Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School, Negotiation Special Report #9 Negotiation Skills Resource, Kathleen Deal, Division Chief, United States Attorney’s Office (at the time written) Negotiation Skills Resource, Kathleen Deal, Division Chief, United States Attorney’s Office (at the time written) Creating Agreement, with a Focus on Personality & Communication Styles, Kathleen Deal, J.D. Creating Agreement, with a Focus on Personality & Communication Styles, Kathleen Deal, J.D. Coaching for Results, Including Dealing with ‘Difficult People’!, Kathleen Deal, J.D. Coaching for Results, Including Dealing with ‘Difficult People’!, Kathleen Deal, J.D.

3 Desired Outcome – Optimum Health through Nutrition - 4 Components of Your Plan: #1. Developing the correct menu plan or regimen

4 4 Components of Your Plan, continued… #2. Motivating staff to follow the menu: accurately prepare it accurately prepare it accurately portion it accurately portion it

5 4 Components of Your Plan, continued… #3. Motivating the resident to follow it

6 4 Components of Your Plan, continued… #4. Gaining the family’s support

7 Common Denominators in 3 of Recipe Ingredients = Working through Others! #1 Factor, although involves research and specialized expertise, is the easiest, right?! #1 Factor, although involves research and specialized expertise, is the easiest, right?! In other 3 factors, success depends upon others – free of resistance, apathy or failure to cooperate In other 3 factors, success depends upon others – free of resistance, apathy or failure to cooperate

8 Influence is about People. Influence is an art that can be learned to cause people to move in the direction of uncertainty or to be motivated to follow a certain course. Influence is about People. Influence is an art that can be learned to cause people to move in the direction of uncertainty or to be motivated to follow a certain course.

9 Influencers Study Human Nature A solid understanding of what motivates people is critical to working through others. A solid understanding of what motivates people is critical to working through others. Effective influencers knows that the place to begin understanding others is with themselves. Effective influencers knows that the place to begin understanding others is with themselves. Self-knowledge is the foundation upon which all the “people” skills of an influencer are built. Self-knowledge is the foundation upon which all the “people” skills of an influencer are built.

10 A Proven RECIPE for INFLUENCE Similar to ‘Interest Based Negotiations’, influencing others is based upon principles of psychology and human behavior Similar to ‘Interest Based Negotiations’, influencing others is based upon principles of psychology and human behavior Seek to create agreement Seek to create agreement Accounting for and acknowledging the interests and feelings of others Accounting for and acknowledging the interests and feelings of others

11 4 Ingredients of our Recipe to Create Agreement & Thereby Influence: 1. PERCEPTIONS: Each interprets through own filter, perceptions and fears Each interprets through own filter, perceptions and fears Realize that people’s feelings are like balloons – can be easily ‘popped’ or deflated Realize that people’s feelings are like balloons – can be easily ‘popped’ or deflated

12 2. EMOTIONS: The Power of Appreciation - EXPRESSED Show acknowledgement and sincere appreciation for the other person’s role in the ‘recipe’ Show acknowledgement and sincere appreciation for the other person’s role in the ‘recipe’ Ask for input – make the other person feel important and special Ask for input – make the other person feel important and special Be a good listener – develop active listening skills Be a good listener – develop active listening skills

13 3. Communication Communication problems are often, if not always, at the root of a dispute or less than stellar performance Communication problems are often, if not always, at the root of a dispute or less than stellar performance Asking Effective Questions Asking Effective Questions Listening Listening Understanding Personality & Communication Styles Understanding Personality & Communication Styles

14 LISTENING – An Essential Ingredient Develop active listening skills Develop active listening skills Think of a time when someone listened to you. Think of a time when someone listened to you. What did she do that made you feel she was listening? What did she do that made you feel she was listening? What was her attitude toward you? What was her attitude toward you?

15 Ingredients for Listening: Ears, Eyes, Undivided Attention, Heart Listening is a disciplined skill Listening is a disciplined skill You can’t do two things at once if one of them is listening. You can’t do two things at once if one of them is listening. You can’t listen if you are trying to figure out what to say. You can’t listen if you are trying to figure out what to say.

16 To See (or Hear) Clearly You can’t listen if you are trying to figure out what to say. You can’t listen if you are trying to figure out what to say. You can’t listen if you are assuming. You can’t listen if you are assuming. Listening for the heart… with the heart… Listening for the heart… with the heart… To See (or Hear) Clearly To See (or Hear) Clearly “It is only with the heart that one can see clearly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupery

17 Ingredients for Optimal Communication An understanding of personality types is KEY. An understanding of personality types is KEY. Know your own personality type Know your own personality type Learning to recognize clues as to the other person’s personality preference for communication and Learning to recognize clues as to the other person’s personality preference for communication and How to adapt your communications to accommodate that of the other person can transform the entire working culture! How to adapt your communications to accommodate that of the other person can transform the entire working culture!

18 Skills to Respond to Negative Feedback Acknowledge Acknowledge Clarify for understanding Clarify for understanding Implement ‘PADDING’ - technique for acknowledging the emotion, the feelings of the speaker Implement ‘PADDING’ - technique for acknowledging the emotion, the feelings of the speaker Does not necessarily agree with the substance of the statement Does not necessarily agree with the substance of the statement

19 Responding to Negative Feedback ‘Padding’ psychologically aligns you with the other person ‘Padding’ psychologically aligns you with the other person Extremely powerful tool Extremely powerful tool Learn to recognize & diffuse negative signals as soon as possible Learn to recognize & diffuse negative signals as soon as possible

20 Examples of Padding, Cushioning “Understandable…are you open to a thought?” “Understandable…are you open to a thought?” “Many people have thought that.” (nodding head, pleasant smile) “Many people have thought that.” (nodding head, pleasant smile) “I hear what you are saying.” (nodding) “I hear what you are saying.” (nodding) “That’s a good point. Are you open to another perspective?” “That’s a good point. Are you open to another perspective?”

21 Additional Considerations: Additional Considerations: 90 – 95% of communication is nonverbal 90 – 95% of communication is nonverbal Be Aware of and Address Power Imbalances Be Aware of and Address Power Imbalances Actual and Perceived Power may Differ Actual and Perceived Power may Differ Cultural differences may contribute Cultural differences may contribute Recognize there are formal and informal forms of power Recognize there are formal and informal forms of power

22 In Seeking to Influence … “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen Covey, “Habit 5” Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. For more information about bringing Kathleen to your Team for a Teambuilding, Leadership, or other Communication program, contact: Kathleen Deal , I welcome your calls!