Tutorial 3 Premarital Sex & Extra Marital Sex

Introduction Premarital sex, extra-marital sex, homosexuality and abnormal sexual behaviour become important subjects, especially for today. Young people (and older folks, too) are bombarded with the world’s standard of morality, or immorality.

Values and moral standards The values and moral standards, which were endorsed most people in the past years, are now ridiculed and ignored by many. Teaching on sexual purity before and after marriage is no longer held before young people as a law of God nor even an ideal goal to strive for. So called sexual freedom is flaunted as the norm among teenagers and adults and often those are ridiculed who expect and encourage young people to remain virgins until marriage.

Religion’s view All religions forbid premarital sex. E.g. God’s law is plain:- “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body; but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”

Marriage’s Trap Some single women (unfortunately we do not know which ones) use pregnancy as a way to trap you into marrying them. You’ll be stuck with a child you never wanted or expected for the rest of your life. This is very harmful to both partners as they deal with mental flashbacks of earlier sexual encounters. These can be frustrating, disturbing, and destructive to a couple that later desire to experience God’s plan for true intimacy and love in their marriage.

Sex and Love Misleading feeling is another emotional effect of fornication. This often come from confusion between sex and love. Sex outside of marriage turns the relationship upside down and mixes emotions to the point of misinterpreting feelings. When we mix sex and love, we confuse the concepts of giving and taking. Personal selfish reason cause premarital sex to take, but sometimes the taking may be confused as giving. Fornication – voluntary sexual intercourse between persons not married to one another.

Sex and Love A girl gives in to have security the boy provides, or maybe the popularity achieved in being “his” girl friend. Many times young people are misled by these emotions and think they are really “in love”. The sex is so powerful that it creates a strong emotional bond often when there is little in common and little bases for a lasting relationship.

Sex and Love Those mixed up feelings are destructive in a dating relationship and can have tragic consequences if the relationship progresses to marriage. Sex does not constitute love.

Parent's concern Many parents feel absolutely distressed and confused when confronted with the issue of their children and premarital sex. Many parents find themselves so lost they react by trying to blank out these messages altogether. They don’ts allow their children to go to movies. They censor what books they read. They forbid them from dating - this poses many problems. Seeing movies and dating are a normal part of being a teenager, premarital sex doesn't have to be a product of this.

Sex and Marriage Cohabitation and sex before marriage takes away the excitement of the wedding night, which use to be a couple first night together. less sex once they’re married, this often can be a barrier in a marriage. only have sex for the purpose of conceiving children. In the West, it is legal for consenting adults – whether or not either of them is married to another – to engage with sexual intercourse. By legal, it means not sanctionable by the law. Only when the act of sexual intercourse involves a physical violation of individual rights is it punishable by law (e.g. being rape).

What makes premarital sex morally wrong? Many advocates of premarital sex argue its legitimacy on the grounds that it conforms to the law of nature, i.e. it is the natural thing to do. Yet natural acts, although they end in the satisfaction of a physiological or psychological need, are not always morally right: torture and rape are natural acts in the sense that they’re part of human nature, yet they’re deemed morally wrong.

What makes premarital sex morally wrong? Premarital sex often causes one of the partners to be lulled into a false sense of security. Imagine that 2 consenting adult engage in premarital sex, to express the mutual love that they have for each other, on a regular basis; and often some time one of them (for whatever reasons) falls out of love with the other, and decides to pursue other relationships. It is “commitment that generates a sense of responsibility which provides stable trust”

What makes premarital sex morally wrong? The mere act of sexual intercourse, even when it is an expression of love, cannot generate the same sense of responsibility that a lifelong commitment does, which gives attention to the preservation of trust. Here, marriage gives attention or the preservation of trust.

Unwanted Pregnancy Unfortunately, sexual intercourse produces babies 57% of all U.S. pregnancies are unplanned or unwanted. About one third of all U. S. babies are born "out of wed lock." 80% of teenaged mothers are unwed, 80% didn't want or plan their pregnancy, and 80% go on welfare. Unwanted pregnancy is a terrible problem for the terrified, embarrassed, confused teenage girl, for the panicked college coed who dreads the disruption of her life, of her relationship with the guy, and of having an abortion or a baby

Risk contracting sexually transmitted disease Females are particularly vulnerable to a host of problems related to premarital sex. In fact, the threat of STDs (as well as HIV) is higher for females than for males. If a young girl becomes pregnant, she places herself and her unborn child at further risk. Why? Because a young girl’s body may not have developed to the point of being able to handle childbirth safely. Even if a teen mother escapes severe health consequences, she must still face the serious responsibilities that parenthood brings. Many girls find that fending for themselves and for a newborn infant is far more difficult than they had imagined.

Premarital Sex is a Sin To many, sex before marriage is a sin against the body. Sinning against the body means losing respect for your body, as well as the body of the one you’re involved with. Many end up in counseling or therapy to deal with problems related to “teenage” sex.

Seeking a Good Marriage Studies have shown that premarital sex also increases the rate of cheating after marriage. Sex before marriage does have effects on the marriage. Couples who have sex before marriage tend to lessen sexual habits through their married years and tend to only have sex for the purpose of conceiving children. If those couples are not responsible, cases of children abortion will be increased. So it would be ideal for a couple to have sex after they are married and confirmed that they love each other and be ready to take on the responsibility when their children were born.

Who is having an extra-marital affair?

Definition of marital affair Adultery, or marital infidelity is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than their lawful spouse. As there is usually an implicit or explicit agreement between spouses to not have sex outside the marriage, the common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. Today, though, Adultery seems more rampant than ever. In some countries, Adultery is not a crime but a ground for divorce. But in others, Adultery is punishable by death, especially in part of the Middle East.  Historically marital infidelity has been subject to severe sanctions including the death penalty and has been grounds for divorce under fault-based divorce laws. In some places the method for punishing marital infidelity was traditionally stoning to death.

Marital infidelity or Adultery Laws In many jurisdictions (e.g, Austria, Greece, Korea, Switzerland, Taiwan), marital infidelity is still illegal, but enforcement of the laws is often uneven. In places where marital infidelity laws are actually enforced, women are often punished more harshly than men, in some cases being considered guilty of adultery even when they have been raped. This has been alleged to happen in Nigeria and Pakistan.

Marital Infidelity or Adultery Investigation Statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. First, you need to confirm your suspicions. For starters, you can check the first and last numbers your spouse calls on their cell phone at the beginning and end of the work day. Also, examine their wallet or glove box for condoms, phone numbers, addresses, receipts, etc. But the only way you can really know if your spouse is cheating, without endangering yourself and your relationship is to get the facts from a private investigator. A typical private investigation service can offer the following services: surveillance, decoys, activity checks, telephone research, monitoring the cheater's e-mail, chat room discussions and internet activity, and tracking the cheater's vehicle Asset Searches.

Infidelity Statistics How prevalent is Marital infidelity? A survey by the National Opinion Research Center (University of Chicago) found: 25 percent of men had been unfaithful and 17 percent of women. In Taiwan, A study on extramarital affairs estimates that one woman in four suspects her husband of having an affair.  The study identified men married from 8-16 years as the group at greatest risk, as they are involved in about 24% of all affairs. Not far behind on the risk scale are people 2-4 years into marriage. And 16% of all affairs happen during the first year of marriage.

Usually affairs are fueled by: Unrealistic Expectation Marital dissatisfaction Family problems Friendships that have become too close “Falling in love” with another person Physical separation Spiritual decline regarding a person’s intimate relationship with God

Why Affairs are Hard to Stop You and your lover seem to bring out the best in each other.  You ignore each other’s faults. You get turned on sexually as never before.

Those who resist affairs do so because of: Commitment to the marital covenant Strong trust established with their spouse Religious values Moral standards Evaluation of the negative consequences – potential harm to the marriage The risk of STDs (Amazingly, fear of contacting AIDS has not been identified as a deterrent)4 A strong personal relationship with an intimate God

Sex Outside Marriage All religions of the world do not permit extra-marital or non-marital sex. Prohibition of extra-marital sex is necessary to protect the institution of the family and encourage people to get married and stay married as well as strengthening the marriage. Sexual desire must be related to love that is deep and a person ought to have sex with only one person each time.

Conclusion Premarital sex and extra marital sex do not bring any benefits to the sexual partners; rather, they cause moral anxiety and expose the partners to the risks of venereal disease and unwanted pregnancy.

Notable Web Resources Richard, R. S. 1996. Normative beliefs about marriage and cohabitation: A comparison of non-Latino whites, Mexican American and Puerto Rican. Journal of Marriage and Family, 58, Jun. Abdul Rahman Md. Aroff 1999. Pendidikan Moral: Teori Etika dan Amalan Moral. Penerbit Universiti Putra Malaysia, 157-162. Whisman, M.A., Dixon, A.E., & Johnson, B. (1997). “Therapists’ perspectives of couple problems and treatment issues in coupe therapy.” Journal of Family Psychology, 11, 361-366. Laumann, E., Gagnon, J., Michael, R., & Michaels, S. (1994). “The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States.” Chicago: University of Chicago Press. Glass, S.P., & Wright, T.L. (1977). “The relationship of extramarital sex, length of marriage, and the sex differences on marital satisfaction and romanticism: Athanasiou’s data reanalyzed.” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 39, 691-703. Choi, K., Catania, J.A., & Dolcini, M.M. (1994). “Extramarital sex and HIV risk behavior among U.S. adults: Results from the national AIDS Behavioral Survey.” American Journal of Public Health, 84, 2003-2007.