Welcome Parents! Some Advice We Hope You Will Like Babs Quincy, Counselor Neal Edman, VP for Student Affairs

Your Communication  Maintain communication even if your son or daughter ignores you  On the other hand, don’t call them too much  Listen to their problems; don’t always rush to solve  The best thing to do: Have a conversation about how and when you will communicate

You can reach them all the time! That’s the good news & That’s the bad news

BBoundaries should apply here, too HHave the cell be a bridge not a leash DDiscuss expectations ahead of time

 How often do you expect to hear from them?  What topics do they need to discuss with you?  What works for you and them in terms of who initiates?

Beliefs, Ideas and Friends  Students will be exposed to new and different things at Westminster  They will “try on” different hats or “identities”  Give them space to explore  Pick your battles wisely  Resist lecturing. This can negatively impact communication

Behaviors They might pull away They might spend more time with friends They will explore independence and autonomy Respect and encourage this Let them make mistakes Use the same patience you did when they were learning to walk

 There is more time for yourself and your partner!  More opportunity for new adventures  But there is the sadness of letting go

Showing your son or daughter the door prematurely may be very difficult for them

There is a process of transition going on: adult-child relationship adult-adult relationship

You will need to decide how to handle the question Who is in charge? “As long as you are under my roof…….” or “As long as I am paying the bills…”

These should be discussed and negotiated Set your house rules What are your expectations when your student is home on breaks? How do you communicate any concerns you have about their behavior?

CCheerleader EEncourager CConsultant SSafety net

LLecturer or dictator IIgnorer DDropper inner PPrivate investigator AAttorney BBeing their voice in matters that are theirs

Listen State your concerns Be ready to compromise - as long as their demands or behavior are not disruptive to the family unit

 They will appreciate your open ears and mind, and that you have the time to listen  Believe it or not, your student will continue to take your words of wisdom seriously

 Respect their privacy  Try not to intrude  Allow them to settle their problems by themselves. Westminster has plenty of professionals to help them along the way

 Please leave that to us. The Residence Life and other professional staff members will be happy to keep an eye on or intervene if you fear that your student is having emotional, drug/alcohol- related, or other serious problems.

Since college is not a court of law, the best thing to do is to help your student learn to:  negotiate problems  be assertive, but not aggressive  be an educated consumer  become independent and self-reliant

 You want them to be articulate self- advocates  Your role is to be a sounding board and coach. Let them take it from there

You got them this far, and this is quite an accomplishment Have faith in your parenting skills and your ability to make the transition in your parenting style

Dear Parents and Guardians, Thank you for attending the Parents Session. We hope it was helpful to you. As promised, the following slide presentation offers some additional insights as you negotiate the transition to college. It is slightly less than four minutes long and will run continuously in case you missed anything. Enjoy!