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Personal Growth for Parents Rebecca Wildbear, MS, LPC Clinical Therapist Open Sky Wilderness Therapy

AGENDA Crisis as opportunity: your child’s challenges as a call to your personal journey Crisis as opportunity: your child’s challenges as a call to your personal journey Identifying your old patterns and stories Identifying your old patterns and stories Utilizing Bill Plotkin’s Map of the Psyche to engage the resource areas of your psyche Utilizing Bill Plotkin’s Map of the Psyche to engage the resource areas of your psyche Growth Across the Life Span: Bill Plotkins’ model, the Soul-centric Developmental Wheel Growth Across the Life Span: Bill Plotkins’ model, the Soul-centric Developmental Wheel

A CALL DEEPER INWARD

“THE JOURNEY” One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice ‑ though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do ‑ determined to save the only life you could save. -Mary Oliver

REFLECTIONS: Which sentence in the poem connects most to your own life? Which sentence in the poem connects most to your own life? Where in the poem are you right now? Where in the poem are you right now? What’s the “old tug” and the “voices shouting their bad advice” for you? What’s the “old tug” and the “voices shouting their bad advice” for you? What is your “new voice” that is stepping forward? What is your “new voice” that is stepping forward?

CAUGHT IN THE OLD STRUGGLE

“ONE SOURCE OF BAD INFORMATION” There’s a boy in you about three Years old who hasn’t learned a thing for thirty Thousand years. Sometimes it’s a girl. This child has to make up its mind How to save you from death. He says things like: “Stay home. Avoid elevators. Eat only elk.” You live with this child but you don’t know it. You are in the office, yes, but live with this boy At night. He’s uninformed, but he does want To save your life. And he has. Because of this boy You survived a lot. He’s got six big ideas. Five don’t work. Right now he’s repeating them to you. -Robert Bly

BRINGING AWARENESS TO WHAT IS AUTOMATIC What is your default setting in times of challenge? What is your default setting in times of challenge? Rescuer Rescuer Victim Victim Tyrant Tyrant Enabler Enabler Co-dependent Co-dependent Critical Parent Critical Parent Conformist Conformist Rebel Rebel When and how does this pattern arise in your life?

THE LOYAL SOLDIER Another name for our default setting – introducing the “loyal soldier” Another name for our default setting – introducing the “loyal soldier” Motivated by fear Motivated by fear Keeps us safe in an old story or mode of being Keeps us safe in an old story or mode of being Protects you by doing what it always has Protects you by doing what it always has Example thoughts: Example thoughts: -“Nothing is going to change” -“You can’t do that”

EMBRACING YOUR INNER NURTURING PARENT

“THE GUEST HOUSE” This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. -Rumi

QUALITIES OF THE INNER NURTURING PARENT Compassionate Compassionate Good listener Good listener Allows all feelings Allows all feelings Rooted/Grounded Rooted/Grounded Devoted to a larger purpose Devoted to a larger purpose Generative Generative -Is there a person in your own childhood who held some of these qualities for you? -How easy or difficult is it for you to feel these qualities in yourself?

PRACTICES TO EMBRACE YOUR INNER NURTURING PARENT Remember a person in your own life who is or has been particularly nurturing Remember a person in your own life who is or has been particularly nurturing Write a love letter to yourself as if you were this person Write a love letter to yourself as if you were this person Go for a walk in nature and find a place that feels especially nurturing, perhaps a tree or large rock. Sit or lay there and let yourself feel held and loved in your body. Go for a walk in nature and find a place that feels especially nurturing, perhaps a tree or large rock. Sit or lay there and let yourself feel held and loved in your body.

Map of the Psyche: Journey to Wholeness N S Loyal Soldiers: habitual patterns, survival strategies Wounded Selves: conformist, victim, rebel, prince/princess Nurturing Parent Wild, Magical, Indigenous Self E W

EMBRACING YOUR WOUNDED SELVES

“GENUINE BROKEN HEART” In the very middle of the chest, deep deep inside Something has broken And it hurts almost all the time. Sometimes it gives birth to anxiety, fear, and panic. Sometimes it gives birth to anger, resentment, and blame. Sometimes it gives birth to tears. This is our kinship with all who have loved truly— From beginningless time. You, my dear friend, understand it well This genuine heart of sadness can teach us great compassion. It humbles The Arrogant and softens The Unkind. This genuine heart of sadness can teach us great Fearlessness. It awakens Those who prefer to sleep and pierces through Indifference. This continual ache of the human heart— broken by the Loss of all that we hold dear Is this not a blessing Which when accepted fully — can be shared With all? -Pema Chodron

WOUNDED SELVES Conformist Conformist Victim Victim Rebel Rebel Prince/princess Prince/princess -What do you know about your wounded self? -Which one of these four tendencies is most familiar to you?

EMBRACING YOUR WILD SELF

“MY WILDISH SELF” I want to live in the twilight country of my wildish self, dwell there in the mysterious betweens of dark mountains, in the deep caves scarred with sacred triangles. I want to wander alone, elusive, pulsing like breath or waves of light. In my dreams I go there to chant with all my voices dervish spin to natural rhythms, feel whatever truths there are rise and swell under my feet, the vibration of a great beating heart. I want to live in the twilight country of my wildish self, a deer leaping into moons of light as if summoned, seeking some reason to fall down closer to the earth. -Reni Fulton

WHY EMBRACE YOUR WILD SELF? Awakens your aliveness Awakens your aliveness Revives your passion for life Revives your passion for life Connects you to the natural world Connects you to the natural world Helps you discover what you enjoy about living Helps you discover what you enjoy about living Is connected to your heart and authentic self Is connected to your heart and authentic self

MAP OF THE PSYCHE: PUTTING IT TOGETHER N S Loyal Soldiers: habitual patterns, survival strategies Wounded Selves: conformist, victim, rebel, prince/princess Nurturing Parent Wild, Magical, Indigenous Self Which aspect of the psyche is active in your life? Which aspect of the psyche is active in your life? Develop a plan to strengthen your inner nurturing parent and wild self aspects Develop a plan to strengthen your inner nurturing parent and wild self aspects

GROWING THROUGH THE LIFE SPAN

BILL PLOTKIN’S SOULCENTRIC DEVELOPMENTAL WHEEL

THINGS TO CONSIDER Read Bill Plotkin’s book, Nature and the Human Soul Read Bill Plotkin’s book, Nature and the Human Soul Which stage are you in now? Which stage are you in now? What are some unfinished tasks of earlier stages that you could complete now? What are some unfinished tasks of earlier stages that you could complete now? Look for supportive people, programs, and places to continue your own personal growth and development Look for supportive people, programs, and places to continue your own personal growth and development

Contact information for the presenter: Rebecca Wildbear, MA, LPC (435) Please keep this browser window open; when the webinar is over, it will take you to a survey for today’s session. Thank you for participating today!