Slow Way Home: Unit II Lesson 3 Slow Way Home Chapter 7 Pitching Your Story Milinda Jay, Ph. D

For teachers only Please read notes on slides 39, 40, 41 Summative assessment on slide 40 Have Unit 2 lesson 2 Word Document “Writing your Pitch Step by Step” ready for slide 31

Retell what happened In Chapter 6 of Slow Way Home Each student takes a turn saying one sentence about what happened in Chapter 6.

Now, predict what might happen in Chapter 7.

Read aloud Chapter 7, Slow Way Home What movie or TV show does this book remind you of? Why?

Today’s Writing Using persuasive techniques to pitch your script

Sunshine State Standard Subject Area: Reading/Language Arts Strand: Writing Process LA : The student will revise by creating clarity and logic by maintaining central theme, idea, or unifying point and developing meaningful relationships among ideas;

Sunshine State Standard Subject Area: Reading/Language Arts Strand: Writing Applications- Persuasion LA :The student will include persuasive techniques.

Teacher Component To create a unique learning community by writing with your students To model the process of writing for students with the understanding that teachers have to write drafts, too! To donate to the learning community by sharing your experiences and those of your family/friends through memoir

Look at your ideas from lesson 2 What were the persuasive techniques you were using to “pitch” your screenplay? Share with your partner and then, if you wish, share with the class.

Ok, so how does this translate Into writing and pitching your screenplay idea?

Michael Morris I asked the writer of Slow Way Home how he would pitch his book as a screenplay. Like most writers, he sees writing as a process. He sent me the first pitch, and then twenty minutes later sent the second.

Here is pitch I

In the tradition of Secondhand Lions and To Kill A Mockingbird comes the story of a young boy caught up in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose the case, they flee with the boy and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s when racial tensions are still running high in this small Southern town, the boy finds himself befriended by an African American female minister and then caught up in the middle of church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure. Michael Morris

Here is his to me about the second pitch: “After I sent it, I thought of another way to say it perhaps more "Hollywoodish" and maybe tighter...”

His second draft Secondhand Lions meets To Kill A Mockingbird. A young boy is caught in a custody batle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identites in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s, racial tension still run high in this sleepy town. When an African-American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.

Notice, there are sentence/spelling errors in the draft A young boy is caught in a custody batle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identites in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s, racial tension still run high in this sleepy town. When an African-American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.

Because writing is revising Not even the best writers write perfect copy their first, second or even third drafts. They focus on ideas first, and then proofread in the final drafts. What he was shooting for in this second draft was tighter writing, not perfect grammar and spelling.

And The second draft is better. It is tighter, and has more emotional appeal.

Secondhand Lions meets To Kill A Mockingbird A young boy is caught in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s, racial tensions still run high in this sleepy town. When an African-American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.

Let’s analyze the parts of the pitch The first part of the pitch links your movie with two successful movies “Secondhand Lions meets To Kill A Mockingbird” In the previous lesson, you thought of two movies similar to the movie your teacher pitched. As a class, craft a sentence like the one above about your teacher’s screenplay proposal.

Post it Write the sentence on poster board, a large sticky pad or on the dry erase board.

Part 2 of the pitch “A young boy is caught in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother.” This is a one sentence summary of the main action of the book. Take out a sheet of paper and craft a one sentence summary of your teacher’s screenplay. Read it aloud to your partner. As a class, decide which of the sentences works best.

Part 3 of the pitch “When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village.” This sentence is a one sentence summary of plot point 1. Review what a plot point is, then look at your teacher’s first plot point. Summarize it in one sentence.

Part 4 of the pitch “Set in the early 70s, racial tensions still run high in this sleepy town. When an African- American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.” This sentence clarifies the setting of the story, then summarizes the major conflicts in the story. In two sentences, clarify the setting of your teacher’s screenplay, then summarize the major conflicts. Post it.

Ok, now you have a pitch. But, if you go back and examine Morris’s pitch, you will notice elements of persuasion in his pitch that may be missing from yours. Let’s look at the emotionally charged language, phrases or images.

Emotionally Charged language A young boy is caught in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s, racial tensions still run high in this sleepy town. When an African-American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.

Emotionally Charged Language reaches its audience Is able to make its audience angry Is able to make its audience feel sorrow Is able to make its audience laugh Is able to make its audience feel joy

Now, as a class Replace some of the boring phrases in your first draft of the teacher’s pitch with emotionally charged language that will make an audience feel something

Read the pitch aloud Take turns reading the pitch aloud, perfecting the emotionally charged language until you think you have a pitch that would sell to any Hollywood producer.

Ok, now it’s your turn Your teacher will hand you a copy of “Writing your Pitch Step by Step” Then, she will go through the slides reminding you of what each part contains. As she reviews the slides, write your pitch, step by step.

Review The first part of the pitch links your movie with two successful movies “Secondhand Lions meets To Kill A Mockingbird” In the previous lesson, you thought of two movies similar to your screenplay idea. Craft a sentence like the one above about your screenplay proposal.

Part 2 of the pitch “A young boy is caught in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother.” This is a one sentence summary of the main action of the book. Craft a one sentence summary of your screenplay.

Part 3 of the pitch “When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village.” This sentence is a one sentence summary of plot point 1. Review what a plot point is, then look at your first plot point. Summarize it in one sentence.

Part 4 of the pitch “Set in the early 70s, racial tensions still run high in this sleepy town. When an African- American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.” This sentence clarifies the setting of the story, then summarizes the major conflicts in the story. In two sentences, clarify the setting of your screenplay, then summarize the major conflicts.

Ok, now you have a pitch. But, if you go back an examine Morris’s pitch, you will notice elements of persuasion in his pitch that may be missing from yours. Let’s look at the emotionally charged language, phrases or images.

Emotionally Charged language A young boy is caught in a custody battle between his grandparents and his addicted mother. When the grandparents lose custody, they flee with him and assume new identities in a Florida fishing village. Set in the early 70s, racial tensions still run high in this sleepy town. When an African-American female minister gets involved, the town erupts into church burnings, kidnappings and national exposure.

Emotionally Charged Language reaches its audience Is able to make its audience angry Is able to make its audience feel sorrow Is able to make its audience laugh Is able to make its audience feel joy

Give your language an emotional charge Replace some of the boring phrases in your first draft of the teacher’s pitch with emotionally charged language that will make an audience feel something

Practice pitching your screenplay to your partner Take turns selling your screenplay. You can read your pitch aloud, or, if you wish, memorize your pitch.

Now that you have pitched your idea to your partner See if you need to edit your pitch before turning it in to your teacher for a summative grade.

Now that you have pitched your idea to your partner, if you think your partner’s idea is really terrific and would make a great movie, nominate him/ her to pitch it to the class.

Tomorrow You will be using the persuasive techniques you have learned this week to draft a persuasive FCAT-type essay. Next week, you will be working on writing a script.