Messy Love Where is love when life goes pear shaped?

Life’s problems Routine: Severe: Traumatic:

Life’s traumatic incidents include: Accidents Motor vehicle Workplace Home Sporting

Life’s traumatic incidents include: Health issues Heart Brain Lungs Bones

Life’s traumatic incidents include:  Natural disasters Floods Bushfires Storms Earthquakes

Life’s traumatic incidents include:  Violent acts Home invasion Armed robbery Menacing threats Terrorism Warfare

Life’s traumatic incidents include: Personal violations Child abuse Sexual assault Muggings Domestic violence

Life’s traumatic incidents include:  Family dysfunction Run-away Suicide Addictions Divorce

Where is love when I am going through a divorce?

Divorce Marriage in our present society is very fragile. It is:  delayed for longer  increasingly displaced by cohabitation  bereft of meaning for more and more young adults  likely to end in divorce for one out of three people

Recovery from Divorce Think of sadness as a tunnel – its dark for a while, but soon the light shines at the end. And finally you’re in the light. You never forget what’s behind you, but you’re ready to enjoy life again. That’s grief. That’s the path back to happiness. Karen Dockrey – Will I Ever Feel Good Again

Recovery from Divorce The waves come in different types and stages The types and stages aren’t always in order Sometimes two or more waves come together Once one type of wave passes, it may come back again Some waves are easier to ride, but with God’s help all can be ridden safely Karen Dockery

Why Me?

1. When you ask ‘Why?’ you are in good company. Job: Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? (Job 3:11)

David: Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? (Psalm 10:1, 42:9)

Jeremiah: Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails? (Jer. 15:18)

Habakkuk: Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves? (Hab. 1:3, 13)

Jesus: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Matt. 27:46)

2. Our faith grows when we don’t have an answer

Romans Ch. 8 to the Rescue 18 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. 19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.

26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. “How come that in your movies you always come across so cool, calm and collected – you never seem to get uptight and you’re always in control.” His reply, “Easy, I’ve read the script. I know how the movie ends. I always win.”

One day when he was preaching, a drunk threw a brick at him. He was badly injured and he was hospitalised. During that time in hospital he wrote a number of articles for the Salvation Army newspaper, the War Cry. These articles were later put into the small booklet ‘Helps to Holiness’. Whenever people expressed appreciation for the book he always mentioned the brick. No little brick—no little book! His wife kept the brick and wrote the words of Genesis 50:20 on it. “You meant evil against me but God meant it for good”.

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Remain in God’s love. Choose to live in God’s love Choose to express God’s love to others Practice forgiveness Let romantic love die

Don’t focus on your pain. Bitterness : ‘drinking poison and hoping that someone else dies.’

A practical exercise for recovery: 1. What I have lost 3. What I have gained 2. What I have not lost 4. What I can replace