HAPPIER: Developing a personal formula for contentment in the face of adversity. Scott M. Bea, Psy.D. Cleveland Clinic

The Culture of Abundance We have more than any culture in history We have more than any culture in history Are we appreciative? Are we appreciative? Are we celebrating abundance? Are we celebrating abundance? Or still wanting more….. Or still wanting more….. What if we are chronically ill? What if we are chronically ill? At least you have your health….. At least you have your health…..

We are Less Happy than in 1936 Tail end of the depression Tail end of the depression 1/3 of us using outhouses! 1/3 of us using outhouses! Huge upsurge in depression and anxiety Huge upsurge in depression and anxiety Advertising industry puts us on the Hedonic Treadmill Advertising industry puts us on the Hedonic Treadmill Legally Blind: I must be miserable and wanting a better life. (Prayers on the bus) Legally Blind: I must be miserable and wanting a better life. (Prayers on the bus)

The Complaint Orientation Characterizes 70% of American conversations Characterizes 70% of American conversations “This bus smells like urine!” “This bus smells like urine!” We fall prey to the Ziegarnik effect We fall prey to the Ziegarnik effect We like to perceive “wholes” We like to perceive “wholes” We complain about missing components We complain about missing components “One of my pixels is glowing” “One of my pixels is glowing”

“A Crisis is a Terrible Thing to Waste” We have a choice to make… We have a choice to make… Will I succumb and let this overtake me? Will I succumb and let this overtake me? Will I profit from this experience? Will I profit from this experience? Do I want to be the best or worst in adjusting to this? Do I want to be the best or worst in adjusting to this? Who likes a good complainer? Who likes a good complainer? How will I grow from this? How will I grow from this? Wantingness will not help. Wantingness will not help.

Reflection on Goal Attainment Reflect on a couple of personal experiences where reaching a certain milestone did not bring the emotional payoff you expected. Reflect on a couple of personal experiences where reaching a certain milestone did not bring the emotional payoff you expected. This is where many think happiness resides. This is where many think happiness resides. But, the happiness is in the journey up the mountain But, the happiness is in the journey up the mountain Florida Tech example Florida Tech example

We Can All Be Happier Happiness is rarely the direct target Happiness is rarely the direct target Rather, happiness thru money, power, status, admiration, sex, love Rather, happiness thru money, power, status, admiration, sex, love Perhaps, happiness must be cultivated Perhaps, happiness must be cultivated We postpone happiness until graduation, career, marriage, children (leaving), retire.. We postpone happiness until graduation, career, marriage, children (leaving), retire.. Happiness gap between men & women and it is growing Happiness gap between men & women and it is growing

Happiness Rituals Human rituals are difficult to start but easy to maintain and they reduce tension! Human rituals are difficult to start but easy to maintain and they reduce tension! Hygiene rituals, athletic rituals, spiritual rituals. Hygiene rituals, athletic rituals, spiritual rituals. Rituals can be built. Rituals can be built. What rituals make you happy? What rituals make you happy? Exercise, meditating, reading, movies, a standing date, guitar playing. Exercise, meditating, reading, movies, a standing date, guitar playing. Initiate 1 or 2 at a time. Initiate 1 or 2 at a time.

Giving Away Our Cookies The altruism of young children The altruism of young children “Here’s a dollar for the bus”! “Here’s a dollar for the bus”! You cannot blow giving a gift. You cannot blow giving a gift. We can sure blow how we receive a gift! We can sure blow how we receive a gift! Our gifts: time, energy, attention, admiration Our gifts: time, energy, attention, admiration

Prosocial behaviors The wisdom of the ages The wisdom of the ages Gets our mind off of ourselves and our worries. Gets our mind off of ourselves and our worries. A cure for depression A cure for depression If there is any happiness in the world it comes my desiring others to be happy… If there is any happiness in the world it comes my desiring others to be happy… Compensation comes from being in the energy field of giving Compensation comes from being in the energy field of giving Praise 16:1 plus positive activation of the striatum Praise 16:1 plus positive activation of the striatum How about prosocial ritual development! How about prosocial ritual development!

The Helpers High Functional MRI’s show that the mesolimbic pathway lights up when we make charitable donations. Functional MRI’s show that the mesolimbic pathway lights up when we make charitable donations. Helping behavior releases dopamine, seratonin, and oxytosin Helping behavior releases dopamine, seratonin, and oxytosin Oxytosin leads to feelings of compassion and tranquility Oxytosin leads to feelings of compassion and tranquility Increased energy, warmth, calmness, self-worth, and fewer aches and pains. Increased energy, warmth, calmness, self-worth, and fewer aches and pains. Young children know this Young children know this

Happiness Barriers: Egos and Early Injuries Originally, we are pristine, uncontaminated Originally, we are pristine, uncontaminated External influences (parents, teachers, clerics, etc.) convince us that there is something wrong with us. External influences (parents, teachers, clerics, etc.) convince us that there is something wrong with us. We cannot defend ourselves from this We cannot defend ourselves from this The ego emerges—always wanting, needing to prove itself (pride vs. humility) The ego emerges—always wanting, needing to prove itself (pride vs. humility) “The Wizard of Oz” “The Wizard of Oz” Come back to your “giving self” Come back to your “giving self”

Happiness: a process, not a destination Goal-attainment is the destination. Goal-attainment is the destination. At times, there are wide gaps between attained goals. At times, there are wide gaps between attained goals. Consistent loving, giving action is the process Consistent loving, giving action is the process “The gettin’ is in the givin’.” “The gettin’ is in the givin’.” This is the Wisdom of the Ages This is the Wisdom of the Ages

Becoming Happier Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on the way to a destination we deem valuable. Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on the way to a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak. Happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak. Happiness is the highest end point. Happiness is the highest end point.

Expressing Gratitude: A happiness ritual A gratitude journal A gratitude journal Daily: 5 things we are grateful for Daily: 5 things we are grateful for This leads to better physical and emotional well being. This leads to better physical and emotional well being. Do this before bedtime and you will rest better and have better dreams. Do this before bedtime and you will rest better and have better dreams. Let this be a ritual until it becomes you. Let this be a ritual until it becomes you. Express gratitude verbally to others and watch its effect in your life. Express gratitude verbally to others and watch its effect in your life.

Mindfulness: be Here Now The only valid experience is in the now. The only valid experience is in the now. This awareness reduces tension. This awareness reduces tension. Practice “present-moment awareness” Practice “present-moment awareness” All 5 senses, “I am seeing, smelling, tasting… All 5 senses, “I am seeing, smelling, tasting…

Getting Connected Active listening Active listening Content + emotion Content + emotion Give away your cookies Give away your cookies Time Time Interest Interest Effort Effort Don’t look for the reciprocity. Don’t look for the reciprocity. Giving has its own reward Giving has its own reward

Trust Your Early Experience Practice noticing what is “right” about you. Practice noticing what is “right” about you. Comment admiringly on the “rightness” of others Comment admiringly on the “rightness” of others Do it at a 16:1 ratio Do it at a 16:1 ratio Take command of your biochemistry and give away your cookies. Take command of your biochemistry and give away your cookies. Want the life you have! Want the life you have! My gratitude ritual:Thanks! My gratitude ritual:Thanks!