Family Life Ministry Q1 Focus: Effective Parenting January - Parental Role Modeling February - Confident Parenting (Seminar) Q1 Prayer Focus: Isaiah 54:13 13 And all thy children shall be taught of the L ORD ; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Parental Role Modeling Text - Genesis 18:19(KJV) 19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the L ORD, to do justice and judgment; that the L ORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Parental Role Modeling My first question to us is what is God saying about you as a parent? The Message Bible: –Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe G OD ’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that G OD can complete in Abraham what he promised him.” Point of note: command = training (not dictatorship!)…there is a world of difference!

Parental Role Modeling Key Point: God emphatically stated that HE KNOWS Abraham… –i.e. He is Confident and Assured concerning Abraham when it comes to providing necessary training (guidance, leadership, mentorship) concerning family matters… Note: The end of that verse point to that fact that there is a promised blessing at stake!

Parental Role Modeling However, a conjunction is used between the beginning phrase and the ending phrase on the fulfillment of God’s promise What is a conjunction? What is the conjunction used? Why did God use a conjunction in this scripture?

What is a conjunction? –They join words, phrases, or independent clauses of a sentence together What is the conjunction used? –“THAT” (“SO THAT” in The Message) Why did God use a conjunction in this scripture? –The fulfillment of God’s promises is dependent on Abraham’s ability to “train” his children Parental Role Modeling

The point here is that there are many promises that God has in His word for us (or that He has spoken to us about individually) that may not come to pass, if we fail in our responsibilities as parents! Fulfillment of God’s promises are contingent or dependent on our effectiveness as a parent! Parenting is therefore one of the most important responsibility you will take on as an adult, the impact of which will affect multiple generations after you! Parental Role Modeling

Being a parent is one of the most important and enduring relationships which begin with the birth/adoption of a child… Friends, income, jobs, etc. may come and go, but your responsibility as a parent will last as long as you live! Your effectiveness (or otherwise as a parent) is much more far reaching than many think it is!

Parental Role Modeling Parenting is a ministry and stewardship we received from The Lord: Psalm 127: 3-4 – 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Colossians 4:17 (AMP) –And say to Archippus, See that you discharge carefully the duties of the ministry and fulfill the stewardship which you have received in the Lord

Parental Role Modeling Going back to our text we want to focus on the key assignment (duty) that God said Abraham had to his children – TO TRAIN Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe G OD ’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that G OD can complete in Abraham what he promised him.” Question: –What does it mean to train? –Is training same as teaching?

Teaching is about telling Training is about showing how (leading by example) –Training Center Experience… Someone said “what you do speaks so loud I cant hear what you are saying?” A key aspect of training therefore is role modeling… Parental Role Modeling

A role model generally means a person who serves as an example, whose behavior and or character is emulated A role model serves as an example of the values, attitudes, and behaviors associated with a role

Parental Role Modeling Imitation is a primary means of learning –We look around (consciously or unconsciously) for someone who is doing what want, desire, or aspire to do in a manner we admire and tend to imitate or emulate them Role modeling is constantly going on in all parent-to-child relationships! –The problem is that in most cases parents are not aware of what is transpiring!

Parental Role Modeling Our children watch how we: –Relate with our spouse –Handle our tongue –Manage our finances –Relate with others –Manage our time, etc. You are either a positive or negative role model to your children

Parental Role Modeling There is hardly any role in life more important to us as parents than making the most of the opportunity we have to build an adult out of a child We do not have the luxury to do it over Our primary means/tool for fulfilling this role successfully is by being a positive role model!

Parental Role Modeling Question: What are the keys to being an effective/positive parental role model?

Parental Role Modeling 1: Develop a healthy/close relationship with your children –In an healthy relationship, children willingly accepts the parent’s influence and responds positively –If your child is obedient to you out of fear, when you are not there they will do otherwise! –Your child’s obedience should flow out of love, respect and admiration for you as a result of the way to relate with them

Parental Role Modeling 2: Learn to connect with your children To Connect = Build Rapport! The ability to connect begins with the understanding of the value of your child! –"Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.” – John Maxwell Your primary goal as a parent is to influence your child to do the right things, whether you are present or absent! People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!

Parental Role Modeling 3: Provide an atmosphere of trust & respect –Respect for each other at home is very apparent to our children That becomes the standard with which they behave/act/react given similar situations –Respect your child’s opinion Maintain an open line of communication Provide individualized attention!

Parental Role Modeling 4. Communicate Effectively Communication is 20% verbal & 80% non-verbal –Be a good listener –Use words of encouragement & appreciation Whatever we appreciate increases in value, whatever we do not appreciate decreases in value –Correct/criticize constructively Criticism kills enthusiasm Never humiliate your child –Admit when you are wrong –Seek to understand your child’s point of view! Seek to understand first before being understood!

Parental Role Modeling 5: Live a life that shows your devotion to God –Not one that talks about it, but one that shows it! Joshua 24:15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

Parental Role Modeling Summary: Fulfillment of God’s promises in our family is contingent or dependent on our effectiveness as a parent in training our children! Our children are constantly learning their most important life lessons from us on a daily basis simply by looking at us (by observation)…we are their role model! –They may not say anything, but they are watching us –They see through the “smoke screen” –You can deceive the public, but not your children –We can live one way in public and outsiders will fail to know our real character…but in private we can’t fake it!

Closing Q&A Prayer Points: 1.God grant us the wisdom be effective role model for our children 2.May our actions as parents not derails God’s purpose and promises in our family 3.Isaiah 54:13 a)And all thy (my) children shall be taught of the Lord; and b)great shall be the peace of thy (my) children.

Confident Parenting in Turbulent Times Protecting Our Kids from the Dangers in Today’s Culture

The National Center for Fathering “Father of the Year Essay Contest”

"My dad is the best dad ever. I would kiss a pig for him." "My dad is the best dad ever. I would kiss a pig for him." From a first grader:

"My dad is a Frito-Lay man. That is an important job because Frito-Lay means chips, which is food. That is so important because you could not live without food." From another first grader:

"The dad in my life isn't really my dad. He's my Grandpa. But he's been like a dad to me since before I was born....I hope that as I get older Grandpa will teach me all the stuff he knows about wood, and first-aid, and everything else he knows about. My Grandpa isn't my Father, but I wouldn't trade him for all the dads in the world." A Third Grader

"Sometimes as a joke I'll put my stinky socks in his briefcase, so at work the next day he will think of me! He's always at the concerts and plays that I'm in, even though he lives about an hour away." A Fourth Grader

"…You know what else my dad does? He braids my hair. I'm the only girl I know whose dad braids her hair. I think that's a perfect dad. He already is the world's greatest dad to me. I just wanted everyone to know that." A Fifth Grader

"One time I had an assembly and I was a soloist and my dad was in the first row and after my song I smiled at my dad and my dad smiled back and started crying. That was the best thing I ever saw." A Sixth Grader

"Fatherhood is a lifelong commitment. I have seen through my father's actions, words, and decisions that he will be committed to me and my life from the second I was born, almost 13 years ago, to the day I die....Even if you assembled the most brilliant team of scientists and artists there was, there still is no possible way you could duplicate my father." Finally, this one from a seventh-grader:

In Your Congregation In Your Own Home In Your Community

Media Influence American children and teens spend an average of 8 hours and 33 minutes immersed in media each day. This includes TV, radio, music, magazines, computers, the Internet and video games. 68% of 8-17 year olds have a TV in their room; 37% have cable or satellite access; 20% of 2-year-olds and more than 30% of 3-to-6-year-olds have a television in their bedroom.

Media Influence: NO RULES 53% of 8-18 year-olds say their parents have no rules about TV watching. Of the remaining 47% of kids who say their parents do have rules, the vast majority say these rules are enforced only some of the time, a little of the time, or never.

WEB SAVVY More than 76% of children ages 3 to 17 have access to a computer at home. The Internet

Media Influence: Online 64% of teens say they do things online that they wouldn't want their parents to know about.

Media Influence: Online 64% of teens say they do things online that they wouldn't want their parents to know about. 70% of 15- to 17-year-olds have looked at pornography online.

The Internet WEB PREDATORS 20% of kids have been solicited online for sex, usually through , texting or “chat rooms.”

The Internet A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

The Internet A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW POS

The Internet A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW 420

The Internet A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW KPC

The Internet A FEW TEXT MESSAGES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW NIFOC

Drugs and Alcohol EXPERIMENTS 37% of teens have smoked marijuana. 9% have used Ecstasy and 8% have used methamphetamine. Prescription and over-the-counter drug usage is rising. 18% of teens have abused Vicodin, 10% have tried OxyContin, 10% have used prescription stimulants such as Ritalin without a doctor's order, and 9% have abused OTC cough medications. Pot Cocaine

Drugs and Alcohol KIDS AND BOOZE The percentage of kids who report drinking alcohol in the past 30 days 17% of 8th graders 17% of 8th graders 33% of 10th graders 47% of 12th graders

IN THE ACT 47% of high school students reported having sexual intercourse. 14% of today's teens say they’ve had sex with “multiple partners” (defined as sex with four or more different persons in their life). 54% of teen girls and 55% of teen boys have had oral sex. A poll by Seventeen magazine revealed that 56% of respondents don't think oral sex is “sex.” Sexual Issues

The Impact of Media on Teens’ Sexual Behavior Research by the RAND Corporation Teens who watch TV programs with a lot of sexual content are twice as likely to engage in sexual intercourse than their peers who watch few such programs.

DEPRESSING U.S. teens are experiencing symptoms of serious depression at higher rates than any generation in modern history. Nationwide, 16.9% of students have seriously considered attempting suicide during the previous 12 months. Depression and Suicide About 25% of sexually active girls ages 14 to 17 say they are depressed all, most or a lot of the time. Only 8% of abstinent girls feel the same.

ENDING IT ALL : Suicide rates for children and teens have quadrupled since the 1950’s. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for kids ages Girls are almost twice as likely as boys to think about suicide or try to take their own lives. Depression and Suicide

What You Can Do To Protect Your Kids Educate Yourself About the Risks Provide Love, Limits and Time Clearly State Your Expectations Keep Lines of Communication Open Make Faith Relevant in Your Home Pray, Pray, Pray!

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY is here to help Thriving Family Magazine Online Parenting Forums “My Family”

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY is here to help “Essentials of Discipline” DVD Series Coming Soon… The “Essentials of Parenting” DVD Series

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY is here to help PluggedIn.com Focus on the Family’s most popular website 1 million visits per month

How to Drug-Proof Your Kids DrugProofYourKids.com FOCUS ON THE FAMILY is here to help

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY Logged On Tuned Out: A Non-Techie’s Guide to Parenting a Tech-Savvy Generation The “Big Dig” Apologetics Conference for Teens Stand, Teen Christian worldview set is here to help A wide variety of relevant parenting resources

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY is here to help A-FAMILY

Bill Maier - Confident Parenting Seminar (Summary) Provide your children with love, limits and your time Parents are using media as a “baby- sitter” –Family members spend on average 49 hours a week on media (TV, radio, music, magazines, computers, internet and video games) while only 39 minutes a week on meaningful conversation!

Bill Maier - Confident Parenting Seminar (Summary) Have family meals (dinner) at least 5 times a week Don’t be over committed to the point that you are not able to spend quality & quantity time with your children –Give your children a break!

Bill Maier - Confident Parenting Seminar (Summary) Only 25% of children live with parents who set/enforce rules –Clearly state your expectations –Rules without relationship leads to rebellion Educate yourself about risks associated with youth culture –pluggedin.com ( aspx) aspx

Bill Maier - Confident Parenting Seminar (Summary) Keep the line of communication open! – Your children need to know that they can talk with you without being judged –Its God’s kindness that leads us to repentance –Is your relationship guided by the fruit of The Holy Spirit? Encourage your children to get involved in bible study groups (especially when they leave for college)

Bill Maier - Confident Parenting Seminar (Summary) Do your children know your expectations? –Do you live by example? –Do your words match your walk? Make faith relevant at home Pray, pray, pray! Cast a positive, Christ centered vision for your child’s life