A COMPARISON OF TWO SEX ADDICTS Using the ECR (Experiences in Close Relationships) And the AAI (Adult Attachment Inventory), the DMM (Dynamic Maturational Model)

Presented by Charley Shults 12 Harley Street London, England, U.K. W1G 9PG Email: shults@virginmedia.com www.charleyshults.co.uk +44 1483 539 759 +44 75075 62 864

The floggings will continue Until morale improves

Experiences in Close Relationships 18 items for each scale Two scales: Anxiety & Avoidance 36 items total

Chris Fraley’s website: http://www.psych.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/measures/measures.html Self-Report Measures of Adult Attachment Phillip R. Shaver University of California, Davis R. Chris Fraley University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

The Original Hazan & Shaver self report measure: The Revised Hazan & Shaver (1987) Three-Category Measure These questions are concerned with your experiences in romantic love relationships. Take a moment to think about these experiences and answer the following questions with them in mind. Read each of the three self-descriptions below (A, B, and C) and then place a checkmark next to the single alternative that best describes how you feel in romantic relationships or is nearest to the way you feel. (Note: The terms "close" and "intimate" refer to psychological or emotional closeness, not necessarily to sexual intimacy.) ______A. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, others want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. ______B. I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don't worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me. ______C. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or won't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away. Now please rate each of the relationship styles above to indicate how well or poorly each description corresponds to your general relationship style.

The Relationship Questionnaire (RQ) Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991)   These questions are similar to the previous ones, but they have been changed in various ways. A fourth relationship style has been added and the other three descriptions are now worded differently and are presented in a new order. Following are four general relationship styles that people often report. Place a checkmark next to the letter corresponding to the style that best describes you or is closest to the way you are. ____ A. It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me. ____ B. I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others. ____ C. I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them. ____ D. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me. Now please rate each of the relationship styles above to indicate how well or poorly each description corresponds to your general relationship style.

ECR Kelly A. Brennan, Catherine L. Clark, and Phillip R. Shaver

ECR & ECR-R 36 Items 18 Anxiety 18 Avoidance 4 Quadrants Show sample ECR

Revised ECR 54 Items 18 Anxiety 18 Avoidance 18 Confusion

Why a 3rd Scale? Clinical experience Gladwell’s Tipping Point 2 scales give 11,664 possibilities (108 x 108) 3 scales give 1,259,712 (1083)

CONFUSION “They didn’t like it when two or three people would be talking at once. That’s the producers’ natural instinct, to hype a scene by creating confusion. It’s supposed to tell you that this is exciting. The fact is that our kids turned away from that kind of situation. Instead of picking up on the signal that something exciting is going on, they picked up on the signal that something confusing is going on. And they’d lose interest.” Malcolm Gladwell, The Tipping Point p. 104, Abacus paper back edition, 2000

Show the RECR,v.2

Show the 3D RECR

Adult Attachment Interview George, Kaplan & Main, 1986 Used extensively Modified by Crittenden using the DMM Method

Adult Attachment Interview Permits fine-grained observation of mental and interpersonal processes That often [and I would say almost always] are not in the respondents’ conscious awareness As with more objective measures it permits specification of: what is being assessed why it is important how it contributes to the summary result

Adult Attachment Interview Together, these foster the generation of sound information about mental processing relevant to human relationships and interpersonal adaptation. Further, with a few modifications to the interview itself, the AAI can provide both evidence of inner psychological processes that effect normal behavior and development and also a new type of diagnostic information in cases of maladaptation. Finally, the AAI provides historical information about the childhood experience of adults.

HARINAM

Show Harinam’s 3D RECR

HARINAM DMM Classification Utr/l(a)F,self A4 (7)F [ina] Utr/l = unresolved trauma & loss (a) = anticipated F, self = both for father and self A4 = compulsive compliance A(7)F = delusional idealization (father) [ina] = intrusions of negative affect

The Recovery Zone Dr. Patrick Carnes’ website https://www.recoveryzone.com/ Sex Addiction Screening Test Certified Sex Addiction Therapist

Harinam SAST

LUCY

LUCY 2

Lucy DMM Classification (R) partial Dp, Utr (dp) pa, dv, A3-4, (7)M (R) Reintegrating, partially Dp – some depression (meaning a failed strategy) Utr (dp) for pa – physical abuse dv – domestic violence A3-4 for overall strategy A7 (m) – A7 with regard to mom

Show Lucy’s 3D RECR

Lucy SAST

Why don’t Harinam and Lucy get coded as A5? Question: Why don’t Harinam and Lucy get coded as A5?

A5 - Promiscuous “Overview This subpattern is based on theory (Crittenden, 1995, 1997a), clinical case material, and clinical observations from Adult Attachment Interviews . Because the description has been drawn from fewer examples than other subpatterns, it may require revision and elaboration.” From Crittenden, DRAFT- March, 2004: Patterns of Attachment in Adulthood: A Dynamic-Maturation Approach to Analyzing The Adult Attachment Interview

The self-protective strategy: The A5 pattern refers to distance from appropriately intimate and protective figures, i.e., attachment figures and sexual partners, and intimacy (both sexual and non-sexual) with regard to distant, inappropriate, or dangerous figures, i.e., “indiscriminate” attachment and masochistic attachment. That is, A5 individuals give up any form of idealization or even exoneration of family members, but retain the idealizing process which is applied to unknown persons.

In addition, both functionally and in terms of the processing of information, there is a confusion of danger and pain with safety and comfort. Because obtaining comfort may incur danger, perception of discomfort or pain may be treated as irrelevant to the self.

The compulsively promiscuous subpattern usually develops in conjunction with A6 and often has fragments of other compulsive subpatterns from childhood. For example, the A5-6 speaker may have been (or be now) role reversing or compliant with regard to one of the parents. These strategies, however, failed to protect the child adequately and have been replaced in adulthood by a preference for intimacy with idealized, but unknown, others.

Put in a slide on limerence here

Risk for psychopathology: The subpattern can exist in a mild, compulsively social form in which non-sexual, non-intimate relationships appear to (promiscuously) replace truly intimate sexual relationships as well as in a more severe, sexually promiscuous form (typified by incest, prostitutes, pedophiles, even some serial killers, etc.).

What is missing from the description given on the previous slide? Another Question What is missing from the description given on the previous slide?

The Middle

We go from the mild: “The subpattern can exist in a mild, compulsively social form in which non-sexual, non-intimate relationships appear to (promiscuously) replace truly intimate sexual relationships ...

To the extreme: “...as well as in a more severe, sexually promiscuous form (typified by incest, prostitutes, pedophiles, even some serial killers, etc.).”

Without going through the middle: “...or more intrusively as flirtations, affairs, compulsive and anonymous sexuality, use of prostitutes and pornography...

Compulsively Self-reliant or Isolated A good fit with A6: Compulsively Self-reliant or Isolated

Both Lucy and Harinam fit this description: Associated patterns and modifiers. A3 and A4 are often seen in the history of A5 speakers. Lack of resolution of loss (both dismissed and preoccupying or both) is also common as is lack of resolution of trauma (particularly of sexual abuse), which may take many different forms. Depression is also a frequent state for the A5 pattern.

Advantages of the ECR Quick Cheap Easy (Even the 3 dimensional model) Gives a visual representation Very useful as a way to introduce attachment concepts to the client A convenient way to think about relationships and relationship difficulties

Disadvantages of the ECR Can be wildly inaccurate especially if Client is well defended Couples in long term relationships Client is deceptive Measurement is superficial and subjective Can vary greatly depending on circumstances Online version cannot be saved for future reference (but mine can, tee hee)

Advantages of the AAI A superb tool For assessment For intervention Has the potential to be highly nuanced with regard to Trauma Loss & Grief Multiple relationships Can be “mined” deeper and deeper

AAI Advantages (continued) Valid and reliable (the more training, the more so) Well researched and documented Can be modified or expanded (or shortened) depending on circumstances Is stable over time and circumstances Provides a wealth of information Intervenes at the deepest level of how information is processed Fits well with other techniques, such as

Other techniques NLP CBT (REBT) Gottman’s school of marriage and family Grief work Trauma work

Disadvantages of the AAI Takes a lot of time To learn To administer Takes a lot of money But,

THE MOST EFFECTIVE USE OF TIME AND MONEY THAT I HAVE FOUND IT’S WORTH IT!!! Provides a framework for other therapeutic work Despite being relatively time consuming and expensive it is THE MOST EFFECTIVE USE OF TIME AND MONEY THAT I HAVE FOUND BY FAR

Caveat: What you are about to see is TOTALLY UNAUTHORIZED NOT APPROVED OF AT ALL (BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, IT HASN’T BEEN DISAPPROVED EITHER) and, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission

Show 3D DMM Model

Please Consider Joining IASA International Association for the Study of Attachment SASH Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health IITAP International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals

Thank you for attending Charley Shults 12 Harley Street London, England, U.K. W1G 9PG Email: shults@virginmedia.com www.charleyshults.co.uk +44 1483 539 759 +44 75075 62 864