Helping Families Promote Children’s Social Emotional Competence Based on materials from Center for Social Emotional Foundation of Early Learning (CSEFEL) www.csefel.vanderbilt.edu Janet Umble, M.S.

Objectives for Today Participants will: Define social emotional competence List social emotional competencies appropriate for preschoolers Identify parenting practices that promote children’s social emotional competence

What is “social emotional competence? ” The knowledge and skills needed to: understand and manage one’s own emotions and those of others build and sustain relationships and friendships with others, including empathy

Social Emotional Skills Children Need as They Enter School A sense of confidence and competence Ability to develop good relationships with peers and adults/make friends/get along with others – Friendship skills Ability to identify, understand, and communicate own feelings/emotions Ability to calm down Ability to constructively manage strong emotions Development of empathy Ability to solve social problems

Promoting Social Emotional Competence Children with persistent challenges 1-10 % of children Professional Treatment Individualized Intensive Interventions Social Emotional Teaching Strategies Children at-risk 5-15% of children Intentional Teaching of Social Skills Creating Supportive Environments All children Positive/Supportive Environment Building Positive Relationships

So what do we know for sure about supporting social emotional competence ? We have research evidence that tells us: Earlier is better Support for parents matters High-quality environments are key A comprehensive approach is necessary Behavior consultation makes a difference

Evidence-based practices are important. An evidence-based practice is one for which there is research evidence that says: if you do “this” in “this way” you will get “these results” In other words: there’s evidence that this approach works!

Powerful Parenting Practices that promote children’s social emotional competence Build a positive relationship Provide positive supports Make your expectations clear and consistent Teach children the skills they need Understand the function of children’s challenging behaviors ; teach/reward behaviors you want to see repeated

Building Positive Relationships With Children Think of someone who was really special to you when you were growing up. What made you think of this person? What did they do that made them important or special to you? How might you help parents develop this kind of relationship with their children?

Powerful Parenting Practices! Discover the magic of POSITIVE ATTENTION Children want to please adults . . . Positive attention reinforces a child’s willingness to please.

Powerful Parenting Practices Powerful Parenting Practices! Discover the magic of positive comments and encouragement Make children feel competent & confident Reinforce good behavior Reduce challenging behaviors Be generous with positive comments & encouragement

Powerful Parenting Practices! Tip 1 Get your child’s attention. Tip 2 Use behavior specific language. Tip 3 Keep it simple—avoid combining encouragement with criticism. Tip 4 Encourage with enthusiasm. Tip 5 Double the impact with physical warmth. Tip 6 Use positive comments and encouragement with your child in front of others.

Ways to Give Children Encouragement (examples) “Thank you for putting the blocks on the shelf.” “What a good problem solver you are, you were able to__________.” “It’s so much fun to play with you; you are so good at ________.” (sharing, taking turns) “You were being so kind when you ________.” “Thank you for using your inside voice when your sister was sleeping.”

Powerful Parenting Practices! It’s fun! Teaches new skills Builds positive relationships PLAY with your children.

Play Tip 1: Follow Your Child’s Lead Wait, watch, and then join your child’s play

Play Tips Play Tip 2: Talk, talk, talk about what your child is doing Play Tip 3: Encourage your child’s creativity

Play Tips Play Tip 4: Watch for your child’s cues Play Tip 5: Avoid power struggles Play Tip 6: Have fun together!

Powerful Parenting Practices! What keeps parents from providing positive supports? (help children feel competent, reward good behavior, play with them) Think about some suggestions for overcoming those barriers.

Powerful Parenting Practices that promote children’s social emotional competence Build a positive relationship Provide positive supports Make your expectations clear and consistent Teach children the skills they need Understand the function of children’s challenging behaviors ; teach/reward behaviors you want to see repeated

Powerful Parenting Practices! Make your expectations clear & be consistent Develop and teach your household rules

“Rules” for Rules Pick only 3 to 5. Pick rules that can be applied in a lot of situations. State the behavior you want to see. Be descriptive. What does the behavior look like?

Rule Examples Clean up after yourself. Use an inside voice. Be careful – Don’t hurt others or yourself. Use words to solve problems. Take care of our things.

Powerful Parenting Practices! Make your expectations clear Kids are not mind readers . . . Sure you’ve told them what NOT to do . . . But have you ever told them exactly what you DO want them to do?

Make Your “Expectations” Clear Tell your child what to do instead of what not to do. Clearly and simply state what you expect your child to do. Describe the details. “I want you to put all the Legos in this box.”

Make Your “Expectations” Clear Know what is reasonable. Have age-appropriate expectations. Use age-appropriate language that children understand. It is important to know your child’s abilities and limitations.

What’s a better way to tell a child what you want him to do? Stop yelling! Don’t throw your toys! Stop bothering your sister! Don’t spill your milk. Stop whining. Be good. Be nice. Cut it out. Use clear specific language that tells your child exactly what to do. 26 26

Use Pictures to Teach Rules Get out your camera Snap a photograph of what you want your child “to do” Post it, model it, practice it, and notice when it’s done and praise it! If your rule is “clean up”…show him/her

Powerful Parenting Practices Make your expectations clear & BE CONSISTENT Why?

Powerful Parenting Practices that promote children’s social emotional competence Build a positive relationship Provide positive supports Make your expectations clear and consistent Teach children the skills they need Understand the function of children’s challenging behaviors ; teach/reward behaviors you want to see repeated

Powerful Parenting Practices Intentionally Teaching Social Emotional Skills When? What? How?

Identifying Teachable Moments When: Identifying Teachable Moments

Powerful Parenting Practices WHAT to teach children - How to be a friend About emotions How to manage anger & disappointment How to solve problems