“Why I Got Rid of Most of My Friends.” Nicola Kong Buddhist Fellowship Youth 4 June 2016

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inGi9MlKD1k

HUMAN GMOs? Everyday we allow people to dump garbage into our minds and into our lives, without even realizing it. Negativity, gossip, materialism, greed.

3 THINGS. 3 qualities of your closest friends. Good/bad.

“Seven Qualities” He gives what is beautiful, hard to give, Does what is hard to do, Endures painful, ill-spoken words. His secrets he tells you, Your secrets he keeps. When misfortunes strike, he doesn't abandon you; When you're down & out, doesn't look down on you. A person in whom these traits are found, is a friend to be cultivated by anyone wanting a friend. (AN 7.35) Mitta Sutta AN 7.35 "Monks, a friend endowed with seven qualities is worth associating with. Which seven?” Personally, I don’t streamline or have a checklist of qualities the people I mix with must have.

#1. I like to hang out with people who make me forget to look at my phone Disconnect to connect. There’s just something satisfying about having a great day out with your friends where you didn’t have to check your phone for constant updates or the number of likes you had. Because the fulfillment should come from the people with you right here and now. If it doesn’t, then you might have to relook the kind of company you hang out with.

“You and I are more than friends, we’re like, a really small gang.”

#2. You cannot surround yourself with negative people and expect a positive life. Many cases where our friends or family members have negative mindsets and we wish to help them. However we realize that after a while it can get tiring if they continue to be negative. Sometimes we may say that these people need help, however there is only so much we can do. We offer what we can, and the best way to help them would be to leave them with that gift that you have offered them and allow them to discover its usefulness on their own. This is different from people who are realistic

Realistic vs Negative Many cases where our friends or family members have negative mindsets and we wish to help them. However we realize that after a while it can get tiring if they continue to be negative. Sometimes we may say that these people need help, however there is only so much we can do. We offer what we can, and the best way to help them would be to leave them with that gift that you have offered them and allow them to discover its usefulness on their own. This is different from people who are realistic.

#3. Expectations http://www.artparasites.com/to-all-the-friends-i-lost-along-the-way-thank-you-for-making-me-who-i-am-today/ We unconsciously have expectations on our closest friends to know this and that about us, so it sometimes hurt us when they do something that go against it. However, we can view it two ways. Either with the negative, fault-mindset, or with a neutral mind where you see that perhaps the person did what they did without awareness that it might hurt you. And also realizing that we are all human. That we have faulted just as much as they have.

This paragraph spoke to me the most because it is clearly a issue that many people face, whether in friendships or in romantic relationships. Such that we ask to be left alone when really, all we want is some TLC. And when we don’t get the TLC we need, we blame the other person. But I think it would do us well to reflect and realize that all we could have done is just ask. Let the person know that you needed him/her to be there, if the person is a true friend, they wouldn’t put you down for being vulnerable, and will be there at all cost. All you have to do is be ask.

#4. Respect, over popularity. I’ve never really had a best friend. Or a clique of people I always hung out with. I was always thought it was too cheesy for someone like me. But then last year during a Christmas show I came across a girl who had almost the same realistic mindset as I did. We both were very logical yet compassionate, and would never do things for just for the sake of it. A lot of times we had the same viewpoint, but there were times were she offered an alternate perspective that was grounded in untainted truth, non-biased, objective, and for my well-being. It also helped that she had a great sense of humour. This was someone I enjoyed being around. We were on equal levels. And anytime at all, if I needed to talk to her, she would be there. Despite having her own personal problems sometimes. Knowing that she did this for me, inspires me to be there for her in the same way. So I would say, be around people whom you’d like to emulate, who can help you grow, and at the same time make your world a brighter place.

“Close friends are truly life’s treasures “Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves. With gentle honesty, they are there to guide and support us, to share our laughter and our tears. Their presence reminds us that we are never really alone.” -Unknown

Thank You.