February 28, 2012 By: Jacquelin Apsler and Erin Duggan Sources: Loveisrespect.org and Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc.

Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year. One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a gure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.

Two in ve tweens, ages 11 to 14, know friends who have been verbally abused via cell phone, instant messenger, and social networking sites. Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence - almost triple the national average.

Teen dating abuse is a pattern of physically, sexually, verbally, and/or emotionally abusive or controlling behavior in a dating relationship. It can involve digital communications and technologies or real world communications and physical interactions.

Substance abuse Eating disorders Risky sexual behavior Twice as likely to get a sexually transmitted disease Six times as likely to become pregnant 50% of youth who are victims of dating violence and rape attempt suicide compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.45 of non- abused boys

Abuser: A person who physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abuses or attempts to control an intimate partner. Target: A person who is subjected to controlling behavior or is physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abused by an intimate partner. Bystander: A person who knows, suspects, or observes that someone is being abused in a dating relationship.

Any unwanted contact with the other persons body. Physical abuse does not have to leave a mark or bruise. Examples: Shoving, punching, hitting, blocking a doorway during an argument.

Any sexual behavior that is unwanted, nonconsensual, or interferes with the other persons right to say no to sexual advances. Examples: unwanted touching, pressure for sex, coercion, rape, pressuring someone under the influence of alcohol or drugs, getting someone pregnant against her will.

Saying or doing something to the other person that causes the person to be afraid and/or have lower self-esteem. Manipulating or controlling a partner's feelings or behaviors. This can include online posts or digital communications designed to threaten, harass, or embarrass someone. Examples: mind games, name calling, insults, threats, blaming, controlling what the other person does, where they go, and who they see.

Apologizes and/or makes excuses for partners behavior. Loses interest in activities that she/he used to enjoy; appears depressed or anxious. Texts excessively. Stops seeing friends and family members and becomes more isolated. Casually mentions the partners violent or abusive behavior, but laughs it off as a joke. Often has unexplained injuries or the explanations often do not make sense.

Calls your teen names and puts him\her down in front of others. Acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to your teen. Tells your teen that you, the teens parent(s), dont like the partner. Controls your teens behavior, checking up constantly, calling or texting, and demanding to know who he\she has been with.

See the abusive partner violently lose his/her temper, striking or breaking objects. Observe the abusive partner intimidate or demean your teen.

Tension Building Phase: Things begin to get tense between the your teen and his/her partner. Anxiety builds up in your teen. Your teen feels like he/she is walking on egg shells.

Explosion: The tension is released in a burst of Physical Sexual Verbal and/or Emotional abuse

Honeymoon Phase: The abuser tries to maintain the control over his/her partner by: Apologizing and promising it will never happen again Blaming the victim or some other force: stress, alcohol, drugs, etc. Denying or minimizing the abuse Showering the victim with gifts, apologies, compliments The victim hopes the abuse is over, wants to believe the abuser is truly sorry, forgives, and gives abuser another chance.

Seek control of the thoughts, beliefs, and conduct of their partner. Restrict the partners rights and freedoms. Punish the partner for breaking their rules or challenging the abusers authority. Minimize the seriousness of their violence.

Believe they are entitled to control their partner. Use anger, alcohol\drug use, and stress as excuses for their abusive behaviors. Blame the partner for the violence. Escalate the abuse over time.

Of the teens in an abusive relationships, fewer than one in three (32 percent) conde in their parents about their abusive relationship. Three in four parents say they have had a conversation with their teen about what it means to be in a healthy relationship. But 74 percent of sons and 66 percent of daughters said they have not had a conversation about dating abuse with a parent in the past year.

Be supportive, not judgmental! Dont demonize the partner. Yet, let them know of your concerns without blaming. Dont punish your teen. Help them think through options and scenarios for safety Research teen dating violence yourself (e.g. loveisrespect.org; loveisnotabuse.org; cdc.gov/chooserespect). Discuss what healthy relationships should look like and feel like.

Erin Duggan Youth Services Coordinator (978) Jacquelin Apsler Executive Director Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc. (DVSN-DVVAP) (978)