Leading and Influencing through Authentic Conversation Session 1 Tom Costello – The 2gether Partnership

Objectives Session 1: Understand a model and language for describing the dynamics of influencing behavior Become more self-aware about your personal presence and impact in group meetings Identify your natural strengths and development areas when influencing others Session 2: Experiment with different influencing behaviours Learn and apply a simple 5 step planning process to prepare for influencing situations ‘on the go’ Prepare for a real influencing situation of your own (from work or outside work)

Session 1: Thursday Oct 18th Plan for both sessions Session 1: Thursday Oct 18th (13.00 – 16.30) Session 2: Friday Oct 19th (10.30 – 14.30) Welcome and positioning Your influencing reputation Influencing definition & factors affecting your ability to influence Group activity + personal feedback ~~~~~~~~Coffee (14.30-15.00)~~~~~~~ The Authentic Conversation Model Intention v Impact Personal strengths and development areas Welcome to session 2 Six influencing behaviour’s Experimenting with the six behaviour’s ~~~~~~~~Lunch (12.00 – 13.00)~~~~~~ The 5-step planning process Case studies - practice, coaching and feedback Planning and preparing for a real situation Closing messages and close

Principles for how we work together Respect Openness Participation Experiment Safety

Your Influencing Reputation My name is…and I work…+ what’s most on my mind at the moment is…? My influencing reputation is… At my best I usually...? At my worst I know I can be…? What I’d like to learn/achieve from both of these sessions is…?...+ anything to add on ’how we need to work together’ over our two sessions?

A definition of effective influencing Behaviour which brings about a change in someone or a situation whilst maintaining or strengthening the relationship between you.

Factors affecting your ability to influence others The situation Power dynamics Mindset Behavioural flexibility

Group activity (handout) Work in pairs to rank order the six behaviour’s One person from your pair joins the first 10 mins of your group meeting Get feedback on your impact in the meeting Swap over and run second 10 mins of the meeting

Group activity – personal feedback What you did well/you had a positive impact when you? What you could have done differently? Note: Use the six behaviour’s as a guide to offering your feedback – what behaviour’s did you notice they used, overused, underused

The Authentic Conversation Model™ Int

The Authentic Conversation Model™

Six Dynamic Behaviours for Effective Conversations 1. Offering Positive Suggestions 2. Giving Feedback 3. Stating wants and needs Directing PUSH From me to you My agenda Encouraging PULL From you to me Your agenda 1 Listening and Understanding 2. Exploring through questions 3. Openness. Fear Put myself down, quiet voice, say very little X Avoiding X Discouraging Put others down, loud voice, say a lot

Intention versus Impact

Elements that contribute to your impact words Voice Body

Professor Albert Mehrabian

Intention versus Impact words 7% 38% 55%

Your signature presence Write down three positive words that describe how you would like to be seen by others (your intention) Stand up – walk across the room and ask someone to give you feedback. What 3 words would they use to describe you? Once they do this…share the three words you wrote down and discuss…consider how your words/voice/body contribute to your impact Swap over and repeat process

Learning goals/actions: I want to… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Explore

Leading and Influencing through Authentic Conversation Session 2 Tom Costello – The 2gether Partnership

Objectives Session 1: Understand a model and language for describing the dynamics of influencing behavior Become more self-aware about your personal presence and impact in group meetings Identify your natural strengths and development areas when influencing others Session 2: Experiment with different influencing behaviours Learn and apply a simple 5 step planning process to prepare for influencing situations ‘on the go’ Prepare for a real influencing situation of your own (from work or outside work)

Session 1: Thursday Oct 18th Plan for both sessions Session 1: Thursday Oct 18th (13.00 – 16.30) Session 2: Friday Oct 19th (10.30 – 14.30) Welcome and positioning Your influencing reputation Influencing definition & factors affecting your ability to influence Group activity + personal feedback ~~~~~~~~Coffee (14.30-15.00)~~~~~~~ The Authentic Conversation Model Intention v Impact Personal strengths and development areas Welcome to session 2 Six influencing behaviour’s Experimenting with the six behaviour’s ~~~~~~~~Lunch (12.00 – 13.00)~~~~~~ The 5-step planning process Case studies - practice, coaching and feedback Planning and preparing for a real situation Closing messages and close

Principles for how we work together Respect Openness Participation Experiment Safety

Being centered – some approaches Grounding yourself Breathing Being centered Notice tension in your body…tighten…and release/relax

Directing behaviours Directing behaviours Word stems 1. Offering positive suggestions 1. Get attention: I have an idea/suggestion 2. Make suggestion: I suggest… 3. Back up with reasons (max 3): My reasons are… 4. Get a reaction: What do you think…? 2. Giving feedback I like it when you…I don’t like it when you… When you…I feel…or I feel…when you… Are you aware that when you…it comes across as…. (Describe the specific behaviour + the impact this behaviour has on you) 3. Stating wants and needs Could you…I’d appreciate if you would…I’d like you to… I want you to…I need you to…I expect you to…I insist that you…

Encouraging behaviours Word stems 1. Listening and understanding So what you’re saying is…let me check I’ve heard you, you’re saying…is that right? You look…you sound… So overall, the key thing you’re saying is… 2. Exploring questions What…who…how…where…when…why… e.g. What happened…who else was involved…how often has this happened…what would you like from me…when do you need to complete it…who else could support you right now… 3. Openness I’ve had a similar experience when…I’m feeling…I am concerned about…I could do with some help on…I’m sorry, I made a mistake when I… …what’s challenging me most at the moment is…I feel stuck and don’t know what to do…were you aware that…

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors Practice in pairs

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 1. Listening and Understanding

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 2. Giving Feedback

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 3. Offering Positive Suggestions

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 4. Your own choice of behavior?

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors Listening and Understanding Giving Feedback Offering Positive Suggestions Your own choice of behavior Feedback: 1. How well did they deliver the behaviors…WORDS/VOICE/BODY? a)What you did well…? b) What you could do differently…? 2. Why did you choose…?...as your final behavior? 3. What can we learn about the choice and timing of when to use certain behaviors?

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 1. Openness

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 2. Stating Wants and Needs

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 3. Exploring through Questions

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors 4. Your own choice of behavior

Experimenting with Influencing behaviors Openness Stating Wants and Needs Exploring through Questions Your own choice of behavior Feedback: 1. How well did they deliver the behaviors…WORDS/VOICE/BODY? a)What you did well…? b) What you could do differently…? 2. Why did you choose…?...as your final behavior? 3. What can we learn about the choice and timing of when to use certain behaviors?

Five Step Planning Process for tactical/short term influence conversations Brief description of the situation What would be a great outcome from this meeting/ situation What behavior’s will you use? (At the start – middle – end?) What key words or phrases will you use? (To start the conversation – middle – end?) Who can you test the above with and practice. When will you have the conversation?

Learning goals/actions: I want to… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Closing messages When will you meet/get in touch with your partner/buddy after today? Look for opportunities to practice and take it one step at a time. (Choose one thing to do differently and notice what happens) Be alert and notice your own and others’ behavior…the clues for how to influence them are often in how THEY behave. (Choose a meeting you are about to attend and make some notes after it is finished about your own and others behavior in the meeting) Enjoy learning about your own and other’s influencing behavior

Thank you!