‘Tricky People’

The ‘Continuum of Safety’ Feeling safe - safe place Fun to feel scared - roller coaster, bunji-jump, scary movie etc. Risking on purpose - may not be fun but we want the outcome Feeling unsafe - may not have ‘Choice, Control or Time-Limit’ Early Warning Signs - our body telling us we don’t feel safe

Unwritten Rules External - family, religion, school, media etc. The unwritten rules are social expectations and stereo-types that we encounter through our lives. Over time we may internalise them as part of our personal belief systems and they usually include the following characteristics: . External - family, religion, school, media etc. We can choose - whether to follow them Change over place and time - cultures, life styles, generations Can be helpful - can encourage socially acceptable behaviour Possible basis of discrimination - label people/groups Contradictory - can give confusing messages Often command language - Should, Ought, Must Underlying heterosexual assumptions - gender roles etc.

No Longer ‘Stranger Danger’ We need to STOP telling our children not to talk to strangers... BECAUSE they might need to talk to a stranger one day. Instead, we need to teach them which sorts of strangers are safe...e.g. A mum with kids.

‘Tricky People’ It is unlikely our children are going to be abused by a ‘weirdo’ at the park. An ‘Offender’ is going to come up to our child and introduce himself. Voila! He isn’t a stranger anymore. We need to teach our children about TRICKY PEOPLE, instead. TRICKY PEOPLE are grown-ups who ASK KIDS FOR HELP (no adult needs to ask a kid for help) or TELLS KIDS TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS (including, IT’S OKAY TO COME OVER HERE BEHIND THIS TREE WITHOUT ASKING MUM FIRST. Not asking Mum is tantamount to KEEPING A SECRET.)

Safety Rules 1. DO NOT DO ANYTHING, or GO ANYWHERE, with ANY ADULTS AT ALL, unless they can ask for your parent’s permission first.

AT ALL?????????? That’s because: It’s far more likely our child is going to be abused by someone they have a relationship with, because most cases of abuse follow long periods of grooming — both of the child and his or her family. Offenders groom us and our children to gauge whether or not we are paying attention to what they’re doing, and/or to lure us into dropping our guard. Children who Offenders think are flying under their parents’ radars, or who seem a little insecure or disconnected from their parents, are the children who are most at risk.

Safety Rules contd. 2. THE NEVER, NEVER RULE Never: Accept sweets or treats; enter someone’s home; go for a walk; or get into a car with someone UNLESS you have your parent’s permission FIRST.

Pay attention to your inner voice, especially that “uh-oh” feeling. Safety Rules contd. 3.FAMILY SAFETY RULE: Pay attention to your inner voice, especially that “uh-oh” feeling.

‘We all have the right to feel safe all of the time.’ ‘We all - PB’s universal equal opportunities statement have the right - not always able to exercise right to feel safe to feel safe - difference between feeling safe and being safe all of the time.’ - all times, places, people and situations Others have the right to feel safe with us Rights and Responsibilities - Responsibility ‘to and for’ Safe place - visualisation - a personal concept of safety

‘There is nothing so awful, [or too little], that we can’t talk about it with someone we can trust’ There is nothing - absolutely no thing so awful - terrible dreadful, ghastly, disgusting, embarrassing etc. [or too little] - small, unimportant, insignificant, nothing etc. That we can’t talk about it - relief, share, embarrass, relax etc. with someone we can trust- difference talk with/talk to someone

SO...WE NEED TO BE... Suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority give our kids. Suspicious of people who tell our child he is so special they want to offer him more one-on-one time, or special outings. Be wary of the adult relative who’s always out in the yard with the children and never with the grown-ups? Vigilant and keep an eye on our children.

Building a Personal Network Talk - what talking can do for us Qualities - the qualities of someone we might talk with How to know - finding out if someone has those qualities Who - a comprehensive list of possible network people How to contact - many different ways to contact network people Friend Network - 4 friends in addition to those we live with. Adult Network - 4 adults, in addition to adults we live with.

The Seven PB’s Strategies Theme Reinforcement - visual, and verbal, role modeling One-Step-Removed - third person, puppets, stories, pictures Network Review - frequent, on the spot review (available people) Persistence - keep on telling till EWS subside. If return tell again Protective Interruption - potential/actual unsafe situation Risking on Purpose - do something because we want the outcome Language of Safety - quality, shared meaning, ownership, clarity