Racheli Bar-Or | Gidi Shavit The Center for Alternative Parenting Shared Parenting Racheli Bar-Or | Gidi Shavit 053-4266496 horut.acheret@gmail.com www.alp.org.il

Alternative Parenting: The Center for Alternative Parenting was established by Racheli Bar-Or and Gidi Shavit in 1994. By January 2017, some 500 children had been born as a result of the Center’s activities. Aims of the Center for Alternative Parenting: Provide a center for gay men and straight and gay women seeking the opportunity to parent without the requirement of marriage and/or cohabitation Provide counselling and support to establish, develop and create shared parenting. Enable participants to choose a framework for parenting that suits them (this includes single parenthood or non-parenting).

Basic Assumptions of the Center for Alternative Parenting The need for self-continuity through parenting exists among men and women alike. People have the basic right to parent regardless of marital status or any wish to live as a couple. Every child born to the family structure we offer has a father and a mother who recognize him/her as their child. Every child in our family structure has the right to know both of her/his parents.

Basic Assumptions of the Center for Alternative Parenting The activity of parenting is shared and divided between two parents, including conception and concern for the physical, emotional and material well- being of the child. It is the parents’ right to select a relational context that suits them, though always putting the well-being of their child first. Participation in parental responsibility does not necessarily require marriage or sexual relations, but it does require participatory relations, mutual respect and care and good communication.

Route to Shared Parenting via the Center for Alternative Parenting Getting-to-know- you meeting Enrolment + participation Facilitated group meeting Initial approach Singing the agreement independently Finalizing the parenting agreement Meeting the partner’s family + friends Finding a parenting partner Guidance and support as required throughout the process Conception Pregnancy Birth

Central Pillars of the Agreement FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS Joint bank account for the needs of the child to which both parents contribute (in accordance with their respective incomes) And from which both can draw funds. VISITATION RIGHTS These are arranged according to months and years, in line with the child’s needs and development. CONSULTATION Agreement and adherence to shared consultation in cases of difference of opinions. DISTANCE BETWEEN HOMES Agree on the maximum distance between the parents’ respective homes.

Counselling Process Leading to the Signing of a Binding Agreement Each of the partners determines his and her own optimal conditions for shared parenting, and together they assess various sample agreements, such as those available on the internet. The partners receive counselling on the psychological and material implications of their suggestions and agreements. From the suggestions raised by both partners, the counselling process enables them to agree on the basis of what will become their first creation – a signed and binding agreement. The partners finalize the agreement. The clarity of this process, the way it is completed and signed should facilitate good future collaboration of the parenting team well into the years of raising their child.

Goals of the Detailed and Binding Agreement Matching the expectations of both the future parents. Sharing observation and dialogue regarding relations between the partners. Establishing a safe dialogue to ensure good listening and flexibility between the partners. Taking discussions about the future child from fantasy to reality. Establishing the paramount importance of building good relations between the partners to ensure the mental well-being of future children.

Goals of the Detailed and Binding Agreement/2 Provide a stable robust safety net. Clarify and safeguard the rights and responsibilities of the partners, including during times of tension. Take responsibility for building a shared parenting team which is both active and supportive. Ensure the process of consultation regarding the agreement serves as a model for dialogue between the parents as needs and desires change. Experience in negotiating material and emotional issues. Create a secure mechanism for resolving future differences.

The Final Outcome An agreement, formulated and signed by the parties themselves, within a consultative process that creates interpersonal dynamics for coping with difficulties and resolving conflict. The parties may submit the agreement to the Family Court and with its approval the agreement will be validated by the court’s judgement. Consultation for the formulation of agreements is given to all applicants, whether or not they are members of the Center for Alternative Parenting

long after humanity recognizes the obligation The Binding Nature of the Agreement From the ruling by Judge Ben Ari, July 5th 2007:   "... regarding the matter of weight and significance that must be attributed to the agreement signed by both parents ... It is impossible to annul the value of the commitment the mother has taken upon herself when she signed the agreement even before the child was born. This "travel visa" that, only when it was issued and signed, signified the parents' agreement to undertake the long journey of raising children together... ... The talk of freedom of movement, human dignity, the right to self-development, and such issues, are all important values ​​both in our public and personal lives, and their full weight endures long after humanity recognizes the obligation to uphold agreements derived from consent and will."

Racheli Bar-Or | Gidi Shavit The Center for Alternative Parenting Shared Parenting Racheli Bar-Or | Gidi Shavit 053-4266496 horut.acheret@gmail.com www.alp.org.il