Building Independence In children of all ages Presented by: Stephanie Wright Student Support Coach Grand Ridge Elementary Introductions Handouts: 25 ways to encourage Jobs for kids

Goal of Presentation To discuss strategies for building independence in children To walk away feeling confident with a couple potential new ideas To NOT feel guilt or shame - never too late to start 1 minute

Norms There are a vast range of parenting styles, backgrounds, and beliefs No one way is the ‘right way’ Respect differing opinions Be curious 1 minute

What are some barriers to children being independent? Turn and talk with a partner or small group 4 min Record ideas on board

Why is Building Independence in Children Important? When you teach children to do things for themselves, you send a powerful message that you believe that they are capable. Showing that you have confidence in their abilities makes for confident, capable kids! Children feel empowered when they are trusted with independence. 1 minute

What Happens if We Don’t? Ask participants to share what happens if children don’t learn independence. Pink Elephant: In India, baby elephants are tied to a stake with a rope so they don’t wander off. Initially, they tug on the rope but cannot pull it up, so they stop trying. As they grow and get stronger and more capable of walking away, they stay put because of their belief. Mom’s To Do List: Zack isn’t worried or concerned with doing these responsibilities himself because he has a parent who will do it for him. Quote: “A forgetful child has a parent who always remembers for them.” Learned helplessness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Vuqvp2V7w Video

1 minute video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrSUe_m19FY

Truth: Everyone has frantically dressed their kids even though they know they are capable of dressing themselves. 1 minute

Tips for Building Independence Remind them they are ready to do “Big-Kid jobs!” 2. Identify opportunities for independence 3. Prioritize Ideas borrowed from https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/teaching-kids-to-be-more-independent/

Jobs for Kids by Age Handout

Tips for Building Independence 4. Make Time Use visuals like a (Transition Checklists) for reminders so kids do not rely on you to do their “thinking”

Tips for Building Independence Use incentives if needed You can compromise and have fun Accept some imperfection Optimal Learning Model I Do It We Do It You Do It

You Might Be Thinking… HOW do I get my kids to actually do these jobs??? 1 minute

Family Contributions vs. Chores Semantics Family Contributions vs. Chores Contributions are part of being a family, of being valued and needed, and working together to make a household function well. ~https://carrotsareorange.com/chores/ Family contributions are expectations for being a member of the family who is benefiting from living in the home. Chores often connotate “optional” and that they do it to earn something like money. Charge fees for contributions not completed, or deduct from allowance. Give your child the freedom to pay other people to do their chores

Family Contribution Chart Example Checklist to earn show on weekend

Family Contribution Chart Example Example for non-readers

Tips for Building Independence Positive feedback and follow up Consider circumstances

Recap Make Time 6. Use incentives if needed 7. You can compromise and have fun 8. Accept some imperfection Set the tone…tell them they are ready to do “Big-Kid jobs!” 2. Identify opportunities for independence 3. Prioritize

Thank you! Questions?

Growth Mindset Praise can create “approval junkies” instead of children with enhanced self- esteem. Dr. Carol Dweck has found that praise can hamper risk taking. Children who were praised for being smart when they accomplished a task chose easier tasks in the future.

1 minute It’s hard to back peddle and have kids start being independent if they have not had a chance to yet and wont be fully independent and ready to move out if they only have one year to